The sadness is at times unbearable, one persons pain is bad enough, but witnessing and feeling the sadness of your children and John's mum too, I'm sorry I cant imagine the pain you must feel. My thoughts are with you and your family. Keep posting.
Hi Jackie, this suggestion won't stop the pain - nothing ever can, but it might help to ease it a little after the visit. When you take your husband's mother to visit, perhaps you could arrange some little treat for her afterwards? Perhaps a visit to a tea shop to chat together in a place she has associated with pleasure in the past? Or go on to the supermarket and discuss what you are having for tea. Anything which will ease the pain a little is worth trying.
God knows I understand your own pain all to well. You are the main bearer of all this but sometimes a little extra kind gesture will also help you and ease the pain of the situation a little for her. xxTinaT
It's a shame things got a bit confused. Nothing to do with the subject of dementia I suppose!!! I can't imagine any way of avoiding seeing the pain that any loved one feels. The pity is, I think, that when one doesn't have much contact with the sufferer they miss out on the good things. They don't have enough time to experience those little things that are precious that you and your children know. The other thing is that whilst others are experiencing their pain (and you witness it) then something tells us that they can't be there for me and in your case you and your children.
Please forgive me for misreading your post. I didn't read it carefully enough!
I'm very tired and a bit stressed out myself today as I'm going on holiday at 5am tomorrow and am worried about leaving my husband. I've tried over the past two weeks to arrange visits to him by others whilst I'm away for my week's holiday but it has been very difficult. His two brothers hardly ever visit him and getting them pinned down to a day so that I can try to arrange some sort of a rota, has been very difficult.
I'm just today realising that I have carried this burden alone for so many years and never asked for help. It is only when you ask for help that you realise how reluctant family are to give a little of their time, even when they are retired and have time to spare!