Too much

jackie1

Registered User
Jun 6, 2007
238
Cheshire
Just got back from a visit with John's mum.

It is bad enough for the childen and I to see him ravaged by this horrid disease but the sadness in her eyes when she looks at him really is too much to bear,

Jackie
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,967
Kent
the sadness in her eyes when she looks at him really is too much to bear,

Jackie
I`m sure it is Jackie.

However dreadful this condition is, it goes against the natural cycle of life when a mother has to see her son suffering dementia.
 

hendy

Registered User
Feb 20, 2008
506
West Yorkshire
Dear Jackie
The sadness is at times unbearable, one persons pain is bad enough, but witnessing and feeling the sadness of your children and John's mum too, I'm sorry I cant imagine the pain you must feel. My thoughts are with you and your family. Keep posting.
Take Care
hendy
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
the sadness in her eyes when she looks at him really is too much to bear,
Jackie, it really is too much to bear. I know how I would feel in your mum's position, and I wouldn't be able to hide my agony.

But you're suffering your own agony too.

There's no solution, really. You can't refuse to take her, but you know how painful each visit will be. You can only try to be strong, and come here for support.

Love and hugs,
 

TinaT

Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
7,095
Bolton
Hi Jackie, this suggestion won't stop the pain - nothing ever can, but it might help to ease it a little after the visit. When you take your husband's mother to visit, perhaps you could arrange some little treat for her afterwards? Perhaps a visit to a tea shop to chat together in a place she has associated with pleasure in the past? Or go on to the supermarket and discuss what you are having for tea. Anything which will ease the pain a little is worth trying.

God knows I understand your own pain all to well. You are the main bearer of all this but sometimes a little extra kind gesture will also help you and ease the pain of the situation a little for her. xxTinaT
 

jackie1

Registered User
Jun 6, 2007
238
Cheshire
A bit of confusion. John is still at home with me and the children. We have all just been over to visit with her. She lives on the Isle of Man so doesn't get to see him that often.

She finds it all so hard to come to terms with, and has only this year started to tell people about him having dementia. I think at Christmas she realised that it was now glaringly obvious.

I should perhaps add John is only 56 and our children are only 10 and 8.

Jackie
 
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Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,967
Kent
Oh Jackie, it`s heartbeaking.

If John`s mother isn`t seeing him regularly, she is going to notice the change in him even more.

And it`s so much additional pressure for you. :(

Take care xx
 

helen.tomlinson

Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
541
Hello Jackie 1

It's a shame things got a bit confused. Nothing to do with the subject of dementia I suppose!!! I can't imagine any way of avoiding seeing the pain that any loved one feels. The pity is, I think, that when one doesn't have much contact with the sufferer they miss out on the good things. They don't have enough time to experience those little things that are precious that you and your children know. The other thing is that whilst others are experiencing their pain (and you witness it) then something tells us that they can't be there for me and in your case you and your children.

Love Helen
 

TinaT

Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
7,095
Bolton
Jackie,

Please forgive me for misreading your post. I didn't read it carefully enough!

I'm very tired and a bit stressed out myself today as I'm going on holiday at 5am tomorrow and am worried about leaving my husband. I've tried over the past two weeks to arrange visits to him by others whilst I'm away for my week's holiday but it has been very difficult. His two brothers hardly ever visit him and getting them pinned down to a day so that I can try to arrange some sort of a rota, has been very difficult.

I'm just today realising that I have carried this burden alone for so many years and never asked for help. It is only when you ask for help that you realise how reluctant family are to give a little of their time, even when they are retired and have time to spare!

xxTinaT.