Not even sure any more if Mum is in middle stages as apparently she has a complex case of alzheimers/dementia/depression and anxiety and we aren't always sure which we are facing. Taken so much comfort, guidance and ideas from TP but feeling bit overwhelmed about what/where/how to move forward. Mum still at home with Dad as main career, me and Sister both at work but each evening usually one of us there for a couple of hours and/or bring them to ours for meals. (Very lucky all live within half mile). Mum now eating lik a sparrow unless actually brought to our homes where she eats a full meal. Rarely up before 1.00pm, says she is too ill, depressed. She knows her brain is faulty because she cannot accept her husband is not her own Dad who died 28 years ago. Also has raft of other dementia symptoms. They live in beautiful bungalow but it is remote from services and they rely on me to do shopping etc with Mum(or without if she won't come) and very little else. A week ago finally got them to recognise they need to consider options for future as Dads driving days are nearly over (very poor mobility in all respects, slow reactions,) and Dad and Mum both agreed to think about selling up if we could find a nice apartment or similar near town centre so they can access shops, social groups etc. The BUT is in the fact that we have been advised to consider moving Mum straight into care as she will struggle with a house move when a care home move may not be that far away. How do you decide when is right when there are times when she is quite lucid, good company (Xmas day afternoon was a totally unexpected joy when Mum was so involved, enjoyed her meal and everything but day after slumped completely) but then totally depressed, suicidal, talking as if 30 years ago. Many of you say it is often a crisis which precipitates a change and that may also now be ahead as Dad just had a health check and there is something wrong with his heart (he says it is just sad and broken). He has already had a stroke and heart attack ..... I jst feel I should give up work ( not financially realistic) and look after them but I know what I deal with now is only the tip of the iceberg that is floating ahead. Sorry, know ther are no answers to this, just needed to put our dilemma in writing. We live close so can do things to help make changes but actually making it all happen, whatever IT is, is also going to be a huge undertaking and I don't see how I can do it working full time .... It is crucifying me to think of Mum being in a home when she can have 'good times' and constantly begs not to be put into care. Earlier this week Mum even said she doesn't think she and Dad should live together as they are exhausted with each other ...but then she wanted to ring her Mum(who died 31 years ago). This is so damned sad.