Tonight I actually snapped

[flowerpot]

So pleased that you enjoyed your walk this morning with your wife and Zeus Hope the shopping trip is successful too

Sent from my XT1032 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[bilslin]

Hi wolfsgirl love our paintings

 

[bilslin]

Hi Dave how did the shopping go, with Mrs D.

 

[Dave K]

Still getting over it. Not good to tell you the truth.

1 out if 2 is not that bad is it?

Sent from my XT1032 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Sue J]

Still getting over it. Not good to tell you the truth.

1 out if 2 is not that bad is it?

No 1 out of 2 not that bad at all. Maybe your wife and then you became over ambitious to attempt both things in one day.

I am learning to content myself with small achievements, if I can cook on one day enjoy while I can, if I can't do it the next day don't fret over it and know that another day will come when I can. On days when I am 'better' I forget that I am no longer as I was and think I can do all the things I used to be able to and of course want to. It must be very hard for your wife not being able to do the things she once could

 

[Grace L]

Sorry to hear about the shopping trip with Mrs D , I can only imagine it went.
I know how difficult (putting it lightly ) it can be, and to do this on a busy Saturday,
you are a super-star, 10/10 for effort to you and Mrs Dave.

I stopped shopping with J, a couple of years (more) or so before he died, and for a while would only
go to the smaller 'express type' stores, and small coffee shops ... when it was quiet.

I found the noise and the confusion after the trip, made him cross for the rest of the day.
I hated the toddler-like temper tantrums, and found it difficult to manage, when he'd refuse to
move unless I bought xyz ....

You can always try again, on a quieter day, when you don't actually 'need' any shopping.

I'm glad you all had a good walk with Zeus this morning.
It's possible the big walk and the shopping trip were too much in one morning for Mrs D...

Take care

 

[Dave K]

No 1 out of 2 not that bad at all. Maybe your wife and then you became over ambitious to attempt both things in one day.

I am learning to content myself with small achievements, if I can cook on one day enjoy while I can, if I can't do it the next day don't fret over it and know that another day will come when I can. On days when I am 'better' I forget that I am no longer as I was and think I can do all the things I used to be able to and of course want to. It must be very hard for your wife not being able to do the things she once could

MY wife is getting frustrated at not being able to do simple tasks which is a new thing as before today there was nothing wrong with her (in her thoughts) so maybe we are moving on to accepting that there is a problem and she is recognising it, I really hope so as I do find it hard to cope with total denial

I hate AD as I am sure my wife is also confused and hates this disease, only today, nothing I said, she actually said to me "I am confused" this is a first as she has never admitted being confused. I just hugged her and said it will be all right, I am here for you.

I do not want to be thanked by my wife, I do not want her to feel that she is a burden to me in anyway but when she said those 3 words to me (I am confused) it was a huge step in saying to me (I think I am not myself) this in itself is a huge milestone for the both of us

 

[Sue J]

MY wife is getting frustrated at not being able to do simple tasks which is a new thing as before today there was nothing wrong with her (in her thoughts) so maybe we are moving on to accepting that there is a problem and she is recognising it, I really hope so as I do find it hard to cope with total denial

I hate AD as I am sure my wife is also confused and hates this disease, only today, nothing I said, she actually said to me "I am confused" this is a first as she has never admitted being confused. I just hugged her and said it will be all right, I am here for you.

I do not want to be thanked by my wife, I do not want her to feel that she is a burden to me in anyway but when she said those 3 words to me (I am confused) it was a huge step in saying to me (I think I am not myself) this in itself is a huge milestone for the both of us

That does sound like a huge step Dave and maybe her daughter has helped with that by talking to her Mum. Maybe too her daughter has made her realise that you are working very hard to care for her - which can't always be recognised by the caree for various reasons.

 

[Dave K]

That does sound like a huge step Dave and maybe her daughter has helped with that by talking to her Mum. Maybe too her daughter has made her realise that you are working very hard to care for her - which can't always be recognised by the caree for various reasons.

Not seen daughter since last week, no calls, no contact with myself or my wife so am wondering if she really understands the situation or was it simply to keep the peace...

 

[Sue J]

Not seen daughter since last week, no calls, no contact with myself or my wife so am wondering if she really understands the situation or was it simply to keep the peace...

Well if it was to keep the peace that's a start, she will understand more when she meets the Consultant. Your wife will have told her her view too and it may be hard for her daughter to really understand the situation from your perspective.

 

[Dave K]

Well if it was to keep the peace that's a start, she will understand more when she meets the Consultant. Your wife will have told her her view too and it may be hard for her daughter to really understand the situation from your perspective.

Exactly...

Our appointment with the "Memory Team" and psychiatrist is at 3pm Wednesday 09 July 2014.

My wife, myself and daughter will be there so no Chinese whispers (he said / she said scenarios)

Only 4 days to go, it will not help my wife's condition but at least I may get other family members to help me.

 

[Sue J]

Exactly...

Our appointment with the "Memory Team" and psychiatrist is at 3pm Wednesday 09 July 2014.

My wife, myself and daughter will be there so no Chinese whispers (he said / she said scenarios)

Only 4 days to go, it will not help my wife's condition but at least I may get other family members to help me.

Maybe any info that you have sent in advance to the psychiatrist you could also send to her daughter so that she can read what things are really like obviously stating that you have done this without your wife's knowledge so as not to upset her.

 

[Dave K]

Maybe any info that you have sent in advance to the psychiatrist you could also send to her daughter so that she can read what things are really like obviously stating that you have done this without your wife's knowledge so as not to upset her.

Oh Poop, not done that yet, said I was going to but I feel that I am stabbing my wife in the back if I do

I have said so much here to total strangers (no offence, I love you all) but I do not want my wife to know exactly how I feel, is that betrayal or stupidity on my behalf?

 

[Sue J]

Oh Poop, not done that yet, said I was going to but I feel that I am stabbing my wife in the back if I do

I have said so much here to total strangers (no offence, I love you all) but I do not want my wife to know exactly how I feel, is that betrayal or stupidity on my behalf?

Your wife wont know exactly how you feel if you write to the psychiatrist confidentially, but neither will the psychiatrist as you wont mention half of the things they need to know in front of your wife.

You don't have to write so much about your feelings but observations of changes in behaviour of your wife and the effect that then has on your ability to manage your own working life and care for her - that is what they (the memory team) and her daughter need to know.

You are not stabbing her in the back but simply trying to get help for her and you. Your wife cannot go to the psychiatrist and tell them what's wrong - she needs you to do it for her.

Please don't miss this opportunity it will help them to help you.

 

[Dave K]

Your wife wont know exactly how you feel if you write to the psychiatrist confidentially, but neither will the psychiatrist as you wont mention half of the things they need to know in front of your wife.

You don't have to write so much about your feelings but observations of changes in behaviour of your wife and the effect that then has on your ability to manage your own working life and care for her - that is what they (the memory team) and her daughter need to know.

You are not stabbing her in the back but simply trying to get help for her and you. Your wife cannot go to the psychiatrist and tell them what's wrong - she needs you to do it for her.

Please don't miss this opportunity it will help them to help you.

Hod that thought. Got top take Zeus out for his walk right now, he just brought my boots in (1 by 1) so how can I not say no...

Clever dog

 

[Noorza]

Hod that thought. Got top take Zeus out for his walk right now, he just brought my boots in (1 by 1) so how can I not say no...

Clever dog

Clever Zeus, enjoy your walk.

 

[Raggedrobin]

I'm with Sue on this and I think it's really important, make a list of all of your wife's symptoms, don't hold back, and send it off or hand in when you go (better to get it to them pre meeting, though).
This is not betraying your wife, you are trying to help her by explaining her symptoms and she is unaware as part of her illness what her symptoms are. You have to help her and you can't tell her because her illness means she won't understand this properly.

Please Dave, go back over this thread, and pick out and make a list NOW. Probablu too late to send, unless the office is somewhere you can drop it in, but just write in caps at the top CONFIDENTIAL and something like Do not read in front of Mrs Dave. Etc. Making sure they know what is going on is so important and explain now things are on the worst days, rather than better days.

Professionals are used to this. I had to do it with an incontinence nurse, my mum insisted she had no probs when she did, so when the nurse came in I discreetly gave the nurse a list of what was happening and what mum needed, at the top I wrote something and she quickly caught on, but could see what the real answers were to the questions she needed to ask.

 

[bilslin]

Oh Bliley my Spanish omelette. Got involved reading your shopping post and forgot it. Good job I turn it upside down

 

[Raggedrobin]

Oops Lin!
Oh yes and clever Zeus, very enterprising.

 

[SoyHJ]

I hate AD as I am sure my wife is also confused and hates this disease, only today, nothing I said, she actually said to me "I am confused" this is a first as she has never admitted being confused. I just hugged her and said it will be all right, I am here for you.

Hi Dave, just caught up. So sorry to hear the shopping trip wasn't good but going somewhere on a quiet day without a lot to get is good advice.

I felt so moved on reading what your wife has said, it immediately struck a chord with me. Although OH doesn't say it much nowadays, just before diagnosis he used to say something similar a lot. 'I'm confused..I just..don't ..understand what's going on'. Your reaction when your wife said that was spot on. She reached out to you needing comfort and you were there for her. If I could, I'd give you a big hug but I'll have to settle for saying you're a good man, Dave. H x