Told to put my mother in residential care!

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Redver, May 2, 2015.

  1. Redver

    Redver Registered User

    Jan 1, 2012
    Hi Please can someone help me with this dilemma.
    My mother was diagnosed with dementia 3 years ago and has been cared for at home with the help of family and carers. My mother lives in a housing association home and my brother and I have been spending more and more time staying with her, sleeping overnight etc. We feel her being at home is best for her because she is surrounded by her family.
    However, someone has informed the Housing Association that my brother is living there. He received a phone call from the HA and told them that my mum now needs more support from her family and he stays with her most days and some evenings. He was then informed 'We'll have to put your mother into residential care. She also asked if he had any belongings or clothes their. When he said yes, he was told 'you will have to move your belongings out by Friday 8th May.
    We have just received a letter telling us that they will be visiting on Friday to see if we have followed their instructions. The HA, hospital, Social Worker have been aware of the situation ie, that we stay there taking turns to look after our mother. We both own our own homes but our homes our not suitable for her to live there, stairs etc.

    Can anyone advise us please? I would be so grateful for your advice
  2. Redver

    Redver Registered User

    Jan 1, 2012
    typing errors

    sorry for the typing errors but as you all know it's not easy getting 5 minutes to check. apologies.
  3. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    Sorry I know little about legal stuff. But I couldn't read and run

    It seems that it need to be explained that you are caring and not living there.

    Let's hope someone that knows more about UK law post.
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Get on to SS on Tuesday Sue and ask them to help explain the situation to the HA.
  5. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    You say a housing association home, but don't say if a normal house, or sheltered accommodation etc.

    You or your brother need to speak to the HA on Tuesday and find out what is going on. Sheltered housing tenancies often forbid anyone under the age of 55 (varies) staying overnight on a regular basis. You need to speak to the housing officer and if they are not helpful ask for their manager supervisor.

    It sounds like you need to make clear to them that your brother isn't living there and prove to them he does live somewhere else. But if he or you stay too often that could break the terms of the tenancy.
  6. Acco

    Acco Registered User

    Oct 3, 2011
    I do not know the legal situation but the HA seem not to properly understand the circumstances and have adopted a very dictatorial position. I suggest you quickly put the situation in writing to them - it is less easy for them to ignore and might help them be more understanding. Contact with Social Services might provide you with some support and help in resolving the matter in the best interests of everyone. I wish you success in what you desire.
  7. Redver

    Redver Registered User

    Jan 1, 2012
    Thank you for your reply. My brother and I are both over 55. It is a normal home but classed as sheltered accommodation because it includes a pull cord and a morning call. Oh a sometimes a warden calls into the communal area. That I am afraid is the only support they give to my mother, that is why we stay over with her.
    If we are breaking the terms what can they do? Evict my mother. We are going to get on to the hospital and Social worker on Tuesday but I wondered if there was anyone out there who has experience of working for a HA or know someone who has had a similar experience.

    I feel they have no right to tell us how to care for her as we are doing what is best for her. She is a very quiet, passive lady who gets anxious with any change.
  8. Redver

    Redver Registered User

    Jan 1, 2012
    Thank you. I agree red tape in the way of common sense.
  9. Redver

    Redver Registered User

    Jan 1, 2012
    Thank you we will be doing this.
  10. Kazza72

    Kazza72 Registered User

    Feb 10, 2015
    West London
    Speak to the legal adviser at your local council, they can advise if there is anything you can do. I find it strange that a HA can force someone into residential care especially if that person has someone who is caring for them

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  11. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    Is it possible they're concerned that if she were to go into a home you or your brother might try and inherit the tenancy, if you have been living there and have possessions there then you might have a case? Possibly that's the reason they're being so strict.
    Even if you've no intention of doing that they may not be willing to take the chance.
  12. Redver

    Redver Registered User

    Jan 1, 2012
    Thank you I have since found out her title is Neighbourhood Officer. She will not be forcing my mother anywhere I can tell you. But this is what she said to my brother.

    What we don't understand is that the welfare officer and various other professionals have known about the situation for 3 years and have not brought up the issue that we are doing anything wrong from us being there.
    I think she has received a complaint from someone that my brother is staying there and is acting upon it but as gone far beyond her position of authority. She has sent a letter to say she will be visiting us on Friday to make sure he has returned to is own tenancy I quote
    You informed me that you have you own tenancy elsewhere and therefore you must return to using this as your sole and principle home by Friday 8th May.'

    The reasons we stay with mum are too numerous to go into as I am sure many of you have yourself experienced but she is very vulnerable among others. ie given overdose by a carer/ bullied when admitted to hospital by another patient.

    We have alternatives
    They evict my mother (will cause bad publicity)
    They adapt one of our homes (too costly)
    They offer us a two bedroom property for a family member to say with mum (there are plenty of us willing to do this)

    But under no circumstances are we allowing my mum into care as she is still physically well and the sweetest and most easy going person you could meet.
    We are getting in touch with the hospital, SS and local councillor/MP GP next week. This is while I am trying to juggle a full time job. Do people not have any compassion in these jobs? Do they not see the impact this stress has on families?
    I just want to know if anyone has experienced something similar.
  13. Redver

    Redver Registered User

    Jan 1, 2012
    Thank you Kevin. What are the alternatives then? We will have to take over the tenancy if this is our only alternative. All that we want is that we can stay taking care of our mother. Do you know about the legality of this?
  14. DianeW

    DianeW Registered User

    Sep 10, 2013
    Lytham St Annes
    #14 DianeW, May 3, 2015
    Last edited: May 3, 2015
    I work for a housing association, but not in this area, however I think they are literally just following up the complaint, and looking at the whole situation.

    I think you should both be there for the visit and calmly explain why it has now become necessary for a family member to be there to provide the care your Mum now needs. Tell them you strongly object to their suggestion of a care home, and you know what is best for your mum ......not them.

    You see there are lots of implications for your Mum if another person stays with her permanently- if she receives housing benefit or if your brother does at his own home this can be stopped.

    It could well be that the accommodation is a 1 person facility, and if that is the case and now that your Mum needs a permanent live in carer the property is not suitable any longer, then the housing officer will work with you all to find her suitable accommodation, including the social worker.

    It is not their decision that a care home is needed, maybe in their limited knowledge of care services they are presuming that is the next stage for your Mum??

    It is complicated, but at least by discussing all available options for your Mum there can hopefully be a solution.

    Make it clear that you are both providing care that you Mum now needs, and both do have your own homes, and that you will continue to do this to keep your Mum happy and safe.
  15. AlsoConfused

    AlsoConfused Registered User

    Sep 17, 2010
    I read this statement as the HA looking for reassurance that they hadn't "acquired" another permanent or semi-permanent tenant by stealth!

    Isn't it also part of an HA's formal constitution that they can only legally accept specific types of tenant (eg people over certain ages) and if they don't keep within this framework the HA's in dire legal trouble?

    Reassurance that the family are providing extra care only on an as and when needed basis (ie not often) and that the family care will be delivered by a combination of a number of family members - each of them with their own local homes - supplemented by paid carers may stop the HA worrying over both issues.

    If the sheltered accommodation is only suitable for tenants who are fairly independent, it may well be the accommodation is becoming less suitable for your Mum and eventually other housing options should be explored. The HA's behaviour right now, though, suggests to me they're worried much more about the possible infringement of the tenancy rules than any concern they may have about your Mum's eventual need for more care.
  16. Redver

    Redver Registered User

    Jan 1, 2012
    Thank you so much for this reply it is so helpful. Hopefully the neighbourhood officer will be as knowledgeable and compassionate as you alas her reputation goes before her. I will let you know how it goes.
  17. DianeW

    DianeW Registered User

    Sep 10, 2013
    Lytham St Annes
    Don't put up with a bad attitude, or rudeness...there is no need for it.

    Even though what they tell you may not be what you want to hear, they should treat you with respect, and work with you. After all they will not have made the rules......but will be working with policies and procedures.

    Don't be afraid to complain if that doesn't happen, as then you can explain to a manager, I am always happy for people to complain, because I know hand on heart it is about things above and beyond my control.

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