1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. jean3

    jean3 Registered User

    Oct 18, 2007
    15
    South Lakes
    This may not be a new thread but I've just joined. Been coping with Mum for a few years now and usually found a solution as the problems rose - til this one.
    Mum seems to forget to wipe herself after the loo and either her underclothes are soiled or there's mess to clear up on the floor between the bathroom and her bed.
    Sometime she does but uses the flannel or towel!
    Any suggestions?
    She doesn't know I know and still gets embarrassed and covers it up/denies it if the subject is broached or I try to get her to change her knickers (do manage that but have to be devious about it)


    I've been reading the other postings, crying in sympathy (french meaning) and feel I can broach this delecate subject here.
    Thankyou.
    Jean3
     
  2. Nebiroth

    Nebiroth Registered User

    Aug 20, 2006
    3,518
    I can't think of anything that would tackle the root cause of the problem, only to deal with the inevitable outcome of it - that is, have plenty of spare towels and flannels and establish a system whereby underwear gets changed several times a day by routine even when it doesn't "need" to be.

    Fortunately, dirty towels and flannels are easily dealt with in a washing machine. Imagine what it was like when everything had to go into a boiler on the stove!
     
  3. CraigC

    CraigC Registered User

    Mar 21, 2003
    6,630
    London
    Hi Jean,

    It would be worth checking out this thread (link below):

    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/TalkingPoint/Discuss/showthread.php?t=7151

    Lots of detail and information in the thread. You are not alone, it is a difficult stage for everyone involved.

    I'm not going to repeat what has already been said as I tend to ramble, so please click on the above link :)

    Kind Regards
    Craig
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #4 Margarita, Oct 18, 2007
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2007
    sounds like just what my mother use to be like , not a lot you can do , but do not leave the flannel or towel near where she can get hold of them when she sitting down . that may not work , because she get up .

    Its like you say just have to be devious about it , ,to save them from the
    embarrassment of it, then I found that other time she did not to that use flannel
    My mother had day like that , like your mother she say it was not her


    what help me is when a worker from the AZ day center said that your mother is in a transition stage becoming Incontinence needing pads it and its really hard for them to expect it , hard stage for the career .

    I Could not believe what she said because , mum still went to the toilet herself just had Accident [ transition stage word, help me as I clean mess] .

    now year on what change mum finally expected wearing pads, still go to the toilet on her own , still has Accident now then when she really tired trying to get to the toilet in time , but does not get embarrassed about it anymore let me help her .

    she just dose not want to give up going to the toilet herself , even thought the pads she got in her knickers would take it . So I carry on even thought its hard on me, rudder glove are in the bath room now all the time . it seem to me its all about keeping mum dignity
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Jean, welcome to TP. As others have said,what is happening with your mum is a completely normal stage of dementia, many of us have already experienced the problems.

    The first time my husband used a towel to wipe himself was on a cruise -- beautiful white fluffy towels! I nearly died of embarrassment!

    Apart from using pads, and accompanying your mum to the toilet, I found wet wipes very good -- the baby ones are best. If you can teach your mum to use them, she'll find them more comfortable than toilet paper.

    Good luck,
     
  6. carol

    carol Registered User

    Jun 24, 2004
    196
    Surrey/Hampshire
    Be careful, not all baby wipes are flushable.

    Carol
     
  7. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Good point, Carol. I kept a lined pedal bin in the toilet for them, but by then I was having to clean John anyway. It might be too much for a person with dementia to learn.
     
  8. jean3

    jean3 Registered User

    Oct 18, 2007
    15
    South Lakes
    Thanks for all responses. Sorry it's taken so long to reply - Mum's been staying with me for week so I've been rather busy - doesn't help that I've got MS - can't imagine how you all manage when you are on duty 24/7.

    When she's at home she's on her own most evenings and night so any solution has to be self working. The doctor suggested lots of post its and toilet rolls but she doesn't put her glasses on or the light when she goes (there's a dim street light outside).
    I am the only one that can persuade her to bath herself, change underclothes - still very independent and adamant she doesn't need help.
    She's not really incontinent (iron clad bladder) as she only goes first and last thing (holds on too long) then forgets to wipe herself when she eventually empties her bowels.
    Jean3
     
  9. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Jean, forgive me, but I'm going to have to be graphic here!

    If your mum is only emptying her bladder twice a day, she's almost certainly not drinking enough. This in turn will make her constipated, and make emptying her bowels painful. This could be the root of the problem.

    If this is the case, the combination of insufficient fluid intake and inadequate cleaning means she's at risk of a UTI.

    It might be an idea to check how much she drinks. It's quite common for elderly people to cut down on fluids because they fear incontinene.
     

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