Toileting problems

jean3

Registered User
Oct 18, 2007
15
South Lakes
This may not be a new thread but I've just joined. Been coping with Mum for a few years now and usually found a solution as the problems rose - til this one.
Mum seems to forget to wipe herself after the loo and either her underclothes are soiled or there's mess to clear up on the floor between the bathroom and her bed.
Sometime she does but uses the flannel or towel!
Any suggestions?
She doesn't know I know and still gets embarrassed and covers it up/denies it if the subject is broached or I try to get her to change her knickers (do manage that but have to be devious about it)


I've been reading the other postings, crying in sympathy (french meaning) and feel I can broach this delecate subject here.
Thankyou.
Jean3
 

Nebiroth

Registered User
Aug 20, 2006
3,511
I can't think of anything that would tackle the root cause of the problem, only to deal with the inevitable outcome of it - that is, have plenty of spare towels and flannels and establish a system whereby underwear gets changed several times a day by routine even when it doesn't "need" to be.

Fortunately, dirty towels and flannels are easily dealt with in a washing machine. Imagine what it was like when everything had to go into a boiler on the stove!
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
Sometime she does but uses the flannel or towel!
she doesn't know I know and still gets embarrassed and covers it up/denies it if the subject is broached or I try to get her to change her knickers (do manage that but have to be devious about it)
sounds like just what my mother use to be like , not a lot you can do , but do not leave the flannel or towel near where she can get hold of them when she sitting down . that may not work , because she get up .

Its like you say just have to be devious about it , ,to save them from the
embarrassment of it, then I found that other time she did not to that use flannel
or there's mess to clear up on the floor between the bathroom and her bed.
Mum seems to forget to wipe herself after the loo and either her underclothes are soiled or there's mess to clear up on the floor between the bathroom and her bed.
My mother had day like that , like your mother she say it was not her


what help me is when a worker from the AZ day center said that your mother is in a transition stage becoming Incontinence needing pads it and its really hard for them to expect it , hard stage for the career .

I Could not believe what she said because , mum still went to the toilet herself just had Accident [ transition stage word, help me as I clean mess] .

now year on what change mum finally expected wearing pads, still go to the toilet on her own , still has Accident now then when she really tired trying to get to the toilet in time , but does not get embarrassed about it anymore let me help her .

she just dose not want to give up going to the toilet herself , even thought the pads she got in her knickers would take it . So I carry on even thought its hard on me, rudder glove are in the bath room now all the time . it seem to me its all about keeping mum dignity
 
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Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Hi Jean, welcome to TP. As others have said,what is happening with your mum is a completely normal stage of dementia, many of us have already experienced the problems.

The first time my husband used a towel to wipe himself was on a cruise -- beautiful white fluffy towels! I nearly died of embarrassment!

Apart from using pads, and accompanying your mum to the toilet, I found wet wipes very good -- the baby ones are best. If you can teach your mum to use them, she'll find them more comfortable than toilet paper.

Good luck,
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Good point, Carol. I kept a lined pedal bin in the toilet for them, but by then I was having to clean John anyway. It might be too much for a person with dementia to learn.
 

jean3

Registered User
Oct 18, 2007
15
South Lakes
Thanks for all responses. Sorry it's taken so long to reply - Mum's been staying with me for week so I've been rather busy - doesn't help that I've got MS - can't imagine how you all manage when you are on duty 24/7.

When she's at home she's on her own most evenings and night so any solution has to be self working. The doctor suggested lots of post its and toilet rolls but she doesn't put her glasses on or the light when she goes (there's a dim street light outside).
I am the only one that can persuade her to bath herself, change underclothes - still very independent and adamant she doesn't need help.
She's not really incontinent (iron clad bladder) as she only goes first and last thing (holds on too long) then forgets to wipe herself when she eventually empties her bowels.
Jean3
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Jean, forgive me, but I'm going to have to be graphic here!

If your mum is only emptying her bladder twice a day, she's almost certainly not drinking enough. This in turn will make her constipated, and make emptying her bowels painful. This could be the root of the problem.

If this is the case, the combination of insufficient fluid intake and inadequate cleaning means she's at risk of a UTI.

It might be an idea to check how much she drinks. It's quite common for elderly people to cut down on fluids because they fear incontinene.