1. Tammy5

    Tammy5 Registered User

    Jan 29, 2016
    148
    Surrey
    I care for my 85 year old mum with AD and VD mix. I also have three little boys, my eldest 13 with Down's syndrome and behavioural issues. Mum has been staying with us since before Christmas as I could no longer ensure she was eating and drinking and safe home alone. We are really struggling with mum taking off her tena pants during the day and night then having accidents on the floor or making a horrific mess in the toilet. Really not helped with having diviticula disease and a hernia. How o how do I help her to remember to put clean ones on when she feels the need to change. To be honest sometimes they are not dirty when she takes them off - so I guess they could be uncomfortable however, I cannot have all these accidents with young children about and risk having it trodden around the house. It's mainly during the night as I am about most of the time and can ask carers to monitor whilst I'm out working in the mornings. Sorry for my rambling! Any help welcome!
     
  2. DementiaSrCarer

    DementiaSrCarer Registered User

    Jan 29, 2016
    1
    Hi Tammy5,

    Living with dementia, or caring for someone with dementia, is a long, hard and lonely experience.

    It is nearly impossible to help remind your mother to wear her tena pants. They are very uncomfortable to wear for 2 minutes, let alone several hours (after having incontinence training). Unfortunately this is a natural process in the experience. I appreciate that it is a bitter pill to swallow; however try talking to your mothers care manager for an increase in care package hours or further support.

    I hope this kind of helps.
    DSC
     
  3. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    1,126
    eastern USA
    #3 CJinUSA, Jan 30, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2016
    My goodness, you have a load on you. I agree that looking for additional help might be the answer.

    We use Depend panties here. I wonder if these might be more comfortable than Tena products?

    Are you eligible to place your mother in a care home? I have had my mother with us since 2008, diagnosis Alz in 2009. We are now in our 60s, no young children. Do you have siblings who could help? It seems you have too much going on to handle your children and your mother.

    As for keeping the Tena panties on - have you considered putting a girdle on your mother that she might have difficulty removing? I don't think it's a healthy option for her, but anything you can do that would make it difficult for her to remove her panties might at least slow the process down, so you'd have enough time to catch up to her and make sure she has a panty on.

    I'm sorry. You need help.
     
  4. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,623
    USA
    I think I've seen other UK posters refer to an Incontinence Service or Nurse who is available to consult, and wonder if they might be able to help?

    I'm sorry, you do sound like you have more than you can handle. I hope you are able to figure out a solution.
     
  5. Tammy5

    Tammy5 Registered User

    Jan 29, 2016
    148
    Surrey
    Thank you for your comments mum really wants to be with us and I don't think we have reached the stage for her to move into care as yet, I also think this is just the start of a journey that has quite a long road ahead too. We are converting the garage so she has her own bathroom and bedroom and I hope that this will contain the night mess to a smaller area! I guess for the moment it's slippers and mops all round!! I will try the continence nurse and see if she can offer more comfortable options and perhaps try some pecs symbols on the lid of the bin. Thank you, I didn't mean to come across a negative last night just a long day of kids, mum and work win added opinions from brothers that don't muck in!
     
  6. AnneED

    AnneED Registered User

    Feb 19, 2012
    81
    East Yorkshire UK
    You're doing fantastically well to be able to offer your mum such care. Has she any day time respite (day care or similar) or weekends away in a respite set up, so you have time when you don't have to worry about her?
     
  7. Tammy5

    Tammy5 Registered User

    Jan 29, 2016
    148
    Surrey
    Hello, at the moment I have 2 friends that I employ to come in and do mums nails and chat and do word search puzzles (one of the ladies is a trained member of a local AD care home and is fantastic) but I only use them for 2 of the 4 hours I'm at work and may have to up that as things progress. I do wonder if my brothers will cover mum for a weekend every so many months or for a week in the summer for me to take the kids away but I think it's just going to be pointless pursuing it!!
     
  8. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    1,126
    eastern USA
    O - you are doing just a splendid job, and you certainly didn't sound negative to me, just tired out!

    I wonder this: have you considered putting a limit on liquid intake after 3 PM (you would want to double check with the doctor before doing this). Because my mother was getting up lots and lots of times at night, we decided to try limiting her intake. After 3 PM, she has a total of one small glass of water. Before that time, even now, we try to get her to have two to three glasses of juice, one or two of water, and a cup of tea or coffee (her choice). After 3, there's a limit on what she can have. Certainly, we would not let her have tea or coffee, which are diuretics. Coffee also dehydrates and makes one feel the need for more water. Limiting the liquid intake made a difference here. Also, there is a medication called Myrbetriq, which the doctor suggested as a possibility. It is for urinary incontinence. He suggested if she took it at 8 PM, it would keep her from feeling the urge to pee at night. I read the side effects and reviews and decided against it (my mother's age and risk factors are too great), but I gather it does work.

    Getting siblings to help - even just to get a vacation - is next to impossible for me. The only time two of my three sisters come for overnights are when I have my doctor's appointment out of town, or surgery out of town, and when they happen to be passing by on their (vacation) way to somewhere else!
     
  9. Tammy5

    Tammy5 Registered User

    Jan 29, 2016
    148
    Surrey
    Ok lovely! I haven't really considered limiting fluids as its so difficult to get mum to drink anything and then leads to uti's and bp issues for her. Perhaps I will try harder with pushing them in the day and then limit do a small drink with dinner. I will also speak to the dr - so far think runny stool issue is the diviticula problems!! Thank you!
     
  10. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    1,126
    eastern USA
    #10 CJinUSA, Jan 30, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2016
    Good - but do ask the doctor.

    My mother is lactose intolerant, and if she has any milk products - even just a smidge - she can get fecal incontinence. Milk solids are in all kinds of things - cream and even broth soups, jarred or canned gravy, tub margarines, not just milk. We use lactose free milk and watch out for anything with lactose in it and give her a lactaid tablet if she has something with lactose in it. We also give her a probiotic capsule made for seniors. It was the probiotic that really helped with the soft stool problem.

    Alas, now, she has very soft stools. I think it's her kidneys breaking down, as we can find no food-related problem, unless it's the carnuba wax in the tylenol PM we have been giving her. I have now stopped using that and things seem a tiny bit better.

    You're amazing. Good luck!
     
  11. Tammy5

    Tammy5 Registered User

    Jan 29, 2016
    148
    Surrey
    Thank you for your support and advice good luck to you and yours too x
     

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