Toileting help

blue eyes

Registered User
Nov 6, 2014
21
My husband has no problem using the loo when he wants to pass urine but when he needs a motion it is a different story. He realises he needs to go and goes out to the loo but trys to pass urine! I feel he is becoming frightened of what he feels internally when he needs to have a motion and no longer understands that he needs to sit on the loo to do so or too scared. It is wearing me down and I feel I am going out of my head. It reminds me of a child who becomes scared of going to the toilet. I sit with him.I sing to him, I stroke his head but all to no avail. Any advice please?
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
60,480
Dundee
Have you discussed this with the GP/district nurse? I was talking to the nurse at the continence clinic this week about my own husband's situation. More often than not he doesn't indicate that he even needs to visit the loo and he wears cintinence products. She said I could have a conversation with the district nurse regarding managing movements. I haven't done anything about it as she was talking about using pessaries to try to regulate bowel movements. A step too far at the moment. I just wondered if the district nurse or GP would be any help in your situation.

Not sure if you have Admiral Nurses (we don't) but if you do they might have suggestions. I know you can email queries to them even if they don't work in your area or you can ohine to talk to someone. I found them so very helpful about another issue. This is their website -
http://www.dementiauk.org/what-we-do/admiral-nurses/

I do all of the singing and chatting and stroking the head stuff too so I know how you feel. My husband also refuses to sit in the loo sometimes. He hovers!
 

blue eyes

Registered User
Nov 6, 2014
21
Thanks Izzy I have not discussed the problem with my PHN or GP as have not found them very helpful as regards dementia problems in the past I live in Ireland and we don't have the equivalent of Admiral nurses unfortunately. To this day each challenge I have met I have had to overcome myself. Up to now I have been coping but this one just seems a step too far. [QiUOTE=Izzy;1068944]Have you discussed this with the GP/district nurse? I was talking to the nurse at the continence clinic this week about my own husband's situation. More often than not he doesn't indicate that he even needs to visit the loo and he wears cintinence products. She said I could have a conversation with the district nurse regarding managing movements. I haven't done anything about it as she was talking about using pessaries to try to regulate bowel movements. A step too far at the moment. I just wondered if the district nurse or GP would be any help in your situation.

Not sure if you have Admiral Nurses (we don't) but if you do they might have suggestions. I know you can email queries to them even if they don't work in your area or you can ohine to talk to someone. I found them so very helpful about another issue. This is their website -
http://www.dementiauk.org/what-we-do/admiral-nurses/

I do all of the singing and chatting and stroking the head stuff too so I know how you feel. My husband also refuses to sit in the loo sometimes. He hovers![/QUOTE]
 

Feline

Registered User
Oct 25, 2012
164
East Devon
My husband has no problem using the loo when he wants to pass urine but when he needs a motion it is a different story. He realises he needs to go and goes out to the loo but trys to pass urine! I feel he is becoming frightened of what he feels internally when he needs to have a motion and no longer understands that he needs to sit on the loo to do so or too scared. It is wearing me down and I feel I am going out of my head. It reminds me of a child who becomes scared of going to the toilet. I sit with him.I sing to him, I stroke his head but all to no avail. Any advice please?
I don't know if you have a toilet surround with arms, but my husband was quite good at sitting on the loo when I guided him there, but recently has been floundering because the loo seemed too low, he would only bend so far and couldn't understand that he had to lower a bit further to reach the seat, so I rang the OT and we now have the surround so he can feel the arms which seem to give him the confidence to sit down with my guidance. I know it is all so waring at times but hope this phase passes soon for you both.Excuse the pun I just noticed!
By the way is he prone to constipation, perhaps a bulking agent might help, if he has difficulty passing his stool. Ignore me if I misunderstood your post.
 

blue eyes

Registered User
Nov 6, 2014
21
I don't know if you have a toilet surround with arms, but my husband was quite good at sitting on the loo when I guided him there, but recently has been floundering because the loo seemed too low, he would only bend so far and couldn't understand that he had to lower a bit further to reach the seat, so I rang the OT and we now have the surround so he can feel the arms which seem to give him the confidence to sit down with my guidance. I know it is all so waring at times but hope this phase passes soon for you both.Excuse the pun I just noticed!
By the way is he prone to constipation, perhaps a bulking agent might help, if he has difficulty passing his stool. Ignore me if I misunderstood your post.
Thanks Feline . A friend of mine also suggested a toilet surrond. I wondered if a toilet seat raiser might help . All worth trying. He had diarrhoea last week due to an antibiotic he was on. By the end of the week we had the opposite. I thought he could be impacted so treated him accordingly. We had success this morning and he actually sat on the loo without prompting or hassle. Great celebrating ☺With this horrendous disease when any change comes along I always fear that it is another down turn.
 

Feline

Registered User
Oct 25, 2012
164
East Devon
Thanks Feline . A friend of mine also suggested a toilet surrond. I wondered if a toilet seat raiser might help . All worth trying. He had diarrhoea last week due to an antibiotic he was on. By the end of the week we had the opposite. I thought he could be impacted so treated him accordingly. We had success this morning and he actually sat on the loo without prompting or hassle. Great celebrating ☺With this horrendous disease when any change comes along I always fear that it is another down turn.
Yes, my first thought was a raised seat, but OT thought it might be more difficult for my husband to perform, so went with the surround instead.
 

kenaidog

Registered User
Apr 8, 2013
164
I think it might be that he has forgotten what to do. I hate to say this but my mother was trying to take it out herself shall i say, i dont know but maybe the feelings of needing to push go , its possible i suppose.