1. lienelruot

    lienelruot Registered User

    Oct 3, 2014
    My wife no longer knows what to do on entering toilet. She will either stand and look at it and pass water without undressing or sit on toilet with trousers down but pants on. After each of these she will flush toilet. She gets angry if I try to help. Any help out there please?
  2. Selinacroft

    Selinacroft Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    Have you spoken to an incontinence nurse? Ask for a referral from your GP or district nurse. I wonder if your wife could use any pads? They might be available on prescription if you speak to incontinence nurse.
  3. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    The suggestion to get in touch with the continence service is a good one - but, sometimes these appoointments can take several weeks and dealing with it in the interim is stressful. Is it possible that your wife would accept pull up incontinence pants for now? If you removed her ordinary undies and put the pull ups - which look like pants - in their place, and she wears them instead, it will hopefully contain the urine, save you the clean up job and help combat odour and discomfort for your wife. My Mil is firmly in denial that she ever, EVER has any toilet problems and I found that simply replacing her pants for opull ups has worked well. The main issue now is that Mil is occasionally scandalised by me wasting moeny when she catches me thrwoing her 'knickers' in the bin - she wants me to wash them instead :)

    HTH xxxx
  4. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    Hello lienelruot, l bought washable pants with sown in pads from Age Uk they will save you a lot of money than the throw aways. Sorry that you are having this problem its not nice for you or your wife, but unfortunatly that is something we have to deal with.
  5. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    Just a quick aside - if this has happened suddenly i suggest you get to the GP and check out a urinary infection. Sometimes a urinary infection can cause strange and very confused behaviour. If anything changes suddenly that would be my first stop but the interim pull up pants from Superdrug - the throw aways initially just to get something sorted is a great idea. Buy them over the counter and swap them with her ordinary pants before she gets dressed in the morning.
  6. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    Hi lienelruot
    Some good suggestions from others.
    On another tack, if your wife manages to get her trousers down, at least sometimes, maybe try no knickers, so that there aren't 2 layers to deal with (I appreciate she may not find this acceptable).
    You say she gets angry if you try to help (which is pretty understandable, she won't realise she needs help). Are you asking if she wants help, and she refuses - or could you just step in, in a matter of fact way, so she is helped before she knows it? Will she accept you in the bathroom with her, so that you could mime for her what she has to do, as an example? Maybe you could talk her through the process - I do this with dad, giving lots of praise when he gets each bit right - it feels odd to be telling another adult what to do, I know; but we'd not think twice about helping out a toddler (not the same exactly, I appreciate).
    If you can accustom her to letting you help her, it'll make life easier for you both in the future as she needs more help with personal care - a lot easier said than done, I guess. I did find, with dad, that if I just did something as though it were an everyday occurrence, he went along with it, and neither of us were embarrassed. I sometimes even have to tell him to pee, as he's not sure what he's in the bathroom for. I appreciate it may not be the same with a spouse.
    Maybe she can't quite see the toilet, especially if you have a largely white bathroom - some care homes have a brightly coloured toilet seat to make it stand out. Is she having trouble with the sitting down - maybe some grab rails would give her confidence.
    Sorry to waffle on - ignore if not on the right track.
    Best wishes
  7. lienelruot

    lienelruot Registered User

    Oct 3, 2014
    Thanks for your thoughts. We are using tena super pull ups.
    She may have water infection will see GP.
    incontinence pads and net pants were insufficient so we are buying pull ups.
    She is also difficult when changing clothes. Ok with carer.
    Difficult now to remember the good times.
    What a terrible disease this is. We are about 8 years into it now.

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