Toilet problems


Registered User
Dec 10, 2006
Ilford, Essex
Hi everyone,
I am really sorry to have to talk about this but I am finding it increasingly difficult to deal with my mums toilet problems. I hate having to clean her up. I have to wear rubber gloves when I am cleaning her flat because I just never know what I will find or where. I have found "you know what" on top of the TV, in her pockets, on the floor etc...
Is it just her or are there others who are going through this?
Sharon xx


Registered User
Sep 26, 2007
Hi Sharon

I'm glad you raised that issue because otherwise everyone thinks they are the only one!

The toilet issue can arise in many cases and unfortunately situations like you explained do arise. The confusion of rooms and remembering how to go to the toilet does result in mishaps.

Whilst I haven't personally experienced all of the difficulties you describe, the cleaning up is something that many people may encounter.

Do you have any support or advice? Clearly you and your Mum require some support maybe a nurse to discuss continence perhaps? Or check out Alzheimer Society info sheets on continence management.

I've discovered visiting here that you sometimes think you are the only one experiencing these things - but you are not!!

Take care,

EmJ :)

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Sharon,

I think you are a brick to manage such a difficult situation.

I would certainly ask your mother`s GP to organize some help for you. As EmJ, said, perhaps an incontinence nurse could give you some guidance. You shouldn`t have to shoulder this alone.

I have read other posts on TP telling of similar behaviours, but It wouldn`t make it any easier to face really. It is a very unpleasant and upsetting area of dementia.


Registered User
Mar 23, 2008
South Wales
You are dealing with it in the best way possible honestly. It's safer to wear the gloves. Everyone is right when they say contact your GP surgery and ask the district nurse to call to talk to you even if your mum wont agree to speak to her. They do understand and you aren't the only one. My MIL doesn't move much at all so I haven't had to clear 'it' up from around the house, but she has recently started to take her pad off during the night with the obvious result that her bed is always soaking and we often have other 'gifts' to clear. One call to my DN and she is sorting us out. Keep in touch


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Hi Sharon

Yes, it is a common problem when continence is becoming problematical.

But the others are right, you do need help with this. Please don't be embarrassed, just explain the situation. GPs, SWs, CPNs will all have encountered it before.

Good luck,


Registered User
Dec 10, 2006
Ilford, Essex
Thank you all for your help, it really is appreciated. I have today heard from my mum's mental health team that they are recommending that she be put into 24 hour care so hopefully this problem will no longer be mine. Although, then the issue of actually getting her into a home will be the next worry.
Thanks again.
Sharon x


Registered User
Nov 2, 2006
South East
This is one of the areas I struggle with most caring for my Mother :(

Thankfully for her, she is unaware that there is a problem, and is devoid of any embarassment. She will insist on putting her hands into her mess, and is unconcerned that it ends up in her hair, clothes, constant vigilance is the only way to prevent her doing this :(


Registered User
Feb 17, 2008
we have got the same problem my step mum is double incontence she has pads from the dn but we have run out. I have been on the phone today as we have been waiting for 2 weeks for some to arrive she has said it can take up to 3 weeks so in the meen time I had got a sample from huggies the largest size of drynites
the are brillant as she is not very big they fit lovely the size is up to 15yrs, we are now buying them as a stop gap. she is very happy about putting them on she will do it herself the only problem is she puts pants on underneath, she is happy to keep them on all night so we haven't had to strip the bad every morning.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Boots do own-brand pull-ups, which I found very helpful as John couldn't manage pads.

Also, kylie sheets for the bed save having to change the whole bed every time. Some LAs supply them, I had to buy them, but you can get them on the internet. Just google 'kylie sheets'.


Registered User
May 20, 2006
North East
Hi Sharon

I'm so glad you've brought this up, as I've been a bit upset this week over Mum.

I went to the home on Monday lunchtime to see her - she'd just had her lunch, and I noticed that she had a bit of food on her chin. I went to her private toilet to get a bit of tissue to wipe it off, and found a very large hard piece of :eek:poo:eek:sat on the side of the sink, right next to her toothbrush!!

To be honest - at first I though it was a chocolate muffin:eek:, but when I put the light on and saw what it actually was, I suppose I was a bit shocked. The staff removed it straight away and said they would get the ceaners to disinfect the sink - and obviously I threw her toothbrush away - but I can't help but wonder how it got there!!

Did she fish it out of the loo? Did she not get to the loo in time?

I'm just so glad that she is so so oblivious to it all.


fearful fiona

Registered User
Apr 19, 2007
Dear Sharon and everyone else,

Thanks for bringing up such a delicate subject. It is slightly different for me because my mum is in hospital but I have to live with something similar as I have to do her washing for her and it is gruesome to say the least. Although they keep her in inconteninence pads in hospital, I just wonder what she is doing with her clothes as when I bring back her bag of washing there is poo all over her clothes! I think she is cleaning out the toilet with her clothes sometimes.

Sorry to share this, but I know that on TP virtually no subject is taboo. All I can say is thank god for disposable gloves and the large bottle of sherry in the fridge (for cheering me up after doing the washing!).

Good luck everyone else, I will never look at chocolate muffins in the same way again..........:):)