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Today we turned a corner

Jinx

Registered User
Mar 13, 2014
2,333
Pontypool
My heart goes out to all of you dealing with this unpleasant illness. I too gave up my job this year even though I am only 58, but on a good day I consider myself lucky that I was able to do that. But on a bad day I feel so resentful that this has happened. I can relate to all the things you have said; the standing in the doorways is so so so irritating, but I really hate the jealousy he shows towards anyone who takes my attention away from him, including our own daughter. Casbow do you have a place of safety you can take yourself off to if there is anymore aggression towards you when you are on your own? Perhaps just knowing you have somewhere will give you peace of mind.

For those living in Essex and Suffolk, I was given a leaflet about free home eye tests which are generally aimed at the person with dementia, but I wonder whether they may also do them for carers too www.eastenglandeyecare.co.uk
The jealousy thing - my 7 year old granddaughter who lives next door is allowed to come and play with me for an hour or so in the evenings after her baby sister has gone to bed. My husband hovers and interrupts, wants my attention when he's been happily watching telly before she arrives. It is so annoying!


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Grey Lad

Registered User
Sep 12, 2014
5,736
North East Lincs
According to John, I made Christine Keeler seem like a nun, cos I was always entertaining men, having affairs, often didn't even know their names, and, in John's World, this was why we weren't indulging in Rumpy Dumpy! :D

It is embarrassing to have to go through all this with The Powers That Be, GPs, SWs for example, but you must let them know, and definitely advise them immediately about violence. I wasted about 8 years, trying to be stoic, stiff-upper-lip-ish at all times, minimising problems, because it felt disloyal to say otherwise.

Not only that, John would vehemently deny anything I said to him about his behaviour, let alone anyone else - hence my decision to give a "To Whom It May Concern" statement, to all and sundry, to read. I realised that this was why battered wives kept quiet, because of the shame. But I also realised that this wasn't the Real John, and if he laid me out with a back hander, who would look after him?

I know it sounds like sundowning, and as others have said, it might be a UTI, or need a change of medication, but please let others know. You can't live in fear.
Scarlett I always thought it was Rumpy Pumpy? Please advise.:D
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,004
Colchester
Grey Lad

I may have missed something here but what help are you getting? Do you get any respite from your struggle. Do you have carers coming in or does your OH go to Day Centres? GL
No. The only help I get at the moment is 2 hours from Crossroads. Still trying to get him in daycare maybe just for 4 hours or something. But two places have said they can't keep him as he is to disruptive. He will not settle in daycare and just paces for the whole time refusing to eat or drink. Just wants me. I am trying again at one of these places and the manager said she will look into it and get back to me. I also have a new social worker coming here on Monday to see if there is more that can be done. The two care centres that would probably be best are the other side of town and it would take me half an hour there and back to drop off and then again later to pick him up, and its right through all the worse parts to drive which I don't really want to do. I don't enjoy driving. Maybe the social worker will be able to help. I will post when I have news to tell.x
 

Grey Lad

Registered User
Sep 12, 2014
5,736
North East Lincs
No. The only help I get at the moment is 2 hours from Crossroads. Still trying to get him in daycare maybe just for 4 hours or something. But two places have said they can't keep him as he is to disruptive. He will not settle in daycare and just paces for the whole time refusing to eat or drink. Just wants me. I am trying again at one of these places and the manager said she will look into it and get back to me. I also have a new social worker coming here on Monday to see if there is more that can be done. The two care centres that would probably be best are the other side of town and it would take me half an hour there and back to drop off and then again later to pick him up, and its right through all the worse parts to drive which I don't really want to do. I don't enjoy driving. Maybe the social worker will be able to help. I will post when I have news to tell.x
How difficult things are for you at the moment. I know just what you mean about being wanted. I hope the S W comes up with something to help on Monday. Keep posting and letting us know how you are feeling and doing. Without T P I would have gone under and got into far more scrapes than I needed to. G L
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
12,013
London
Casbow, don't those day centres come with transport? They do here. Also, our day centre takes anyone, and if they wander constantly, then so be it, they let them get on with it as it's a secure facility. The thing is if they say they can't cope, how and why on earth are you expected to? Please insist on more help.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
Casbow, don't those day centres come with transport? They do here. Also, our day centre takes anyone, and if they wander constantly, then so be it, they let them get on with it as it's a secure facility. The thing is if they say they can't cope, how and why on earth are you expected to? Please insist on more help.
Yes, ours provided transport too. Also, when I paid £1.50 a day for John, they said they couldn't stop him wandering, as he was free to come and go. Once he was "upgraded" and became a "Day Opportunities" member, at £9 an hour, they coped.