1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Deeessex

    Deeessex Registered User

    Jul 16, 2007
    36
    Essex
    #1 Deeessex, Feb 21, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 21, 2008
    Today I am angry. Not sure exactly at what but feeling angry nevertheless.I want to shout scream yell at the world.Why are there so many forms to fill in, difficulties to encounter and I am just tired!
    I know I am not alone in these feelings but your natural response to pthers is "We are OK" Stupid isn't it.
    How do others cope with these feelings?:(:confused::mad:

    Today I am angry. Not sure exactly at what but feeling angry nevertheless.I want to shout scream yell at the world.Why are there so many forms to fill in, difficulties to encounter and I am just tired!
    I know I am not alone in these feelings but your natural response to others is "We are OK" Stupid isn't it.
    How do others cope with these feelings?:(:confused::mad:
     
  2. Deeessex

    Deeessex Registered User

    Jul 16, 2007
    36
    Essex
    See I'm so angry I somehow posted it twice!!!!
    It made me smile though - why take everything so seriously:p
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,722
    Kent
    I`ve merged your Threads Dee. :)

    I`m sorry you are so angry, it is probably because too much is being asked of you and you have no time for yourself.

    But all is not lost if you`re still able to raise a smile.

    Love xx
     
  4. BettyL

    BettyL Registered User

    Jan 20, 2008
    60
    Essex
    Hi Dee - I know just how you feel. I've got my mum in a care home with dementia after being in an assessment unit for nearly 10 months and my dad in a rehabilitation hospital in Billericay. I see you're from Chelmsford so you'll know where it is.

    I too am sick to death of form filling - at a time when you need the most help, it seems the relevant agencies just don't or won't communicate with one another. I spend so much time on the phone trying to sort out mums benefits or dads pension credits or their council tax etc etc.

    Yesterday I had to spend time with a lady from the Pensions office so that I could become mum's Appointee. Next week I have to do the same for my dad!

    So it's OK to feel angry - in fact I think it's pretty normal.

    Best wishes
    Betty
     
  5. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    Hi Dee

    I too am angry.

    Like you (and Betty), I've had the pleasure of the pensions people only this very morning.

    1. They registered my Dad as dead, and so this morning they did a home inspection so I could prove he was actually alive. I had to produce his marriage certificate, nationalisation papers etc...! When they registered my Mum dead, they registered Dad too by mistake.

    2) Asked them to amend my Mothers date of death to 17th January 2008 instead of 10th January 2008 and told them to pay my Dad the 10 days of pension they had shafted my Mum out of!

    3) Got them to agree that they had indeed ****** up his Attendance Allowance (lucky I noticed) and they actually haven't paid him it for TWO AND A HALF YEARS! Yes, they owe him a pretty penny (around £6000).

    4) And... signed the papers to become Appointee.

    Told the lady I would be nice to her, but that deep down my blood was boiling, and that what I really wanted to do was shout at her (actually, there were two of them).

    In all honesty, they were very apologetic, and took away the action list and promised his pension etc. and his 'life' would be reinstated within 7 days.

    We shall see.....!

    If it isn't then, I will be angry (again) and this time, I won't be calm and I will shout at them.:rolleyes:

    Beverley x
     
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Beverley, well done for getting it all sorted. I hope the money comes through as promised, that's a hefty sum you're owed. Do they pay interest?

    Dee and Betty, yes it's OK, and completely normal, to be angry. The forms are a nightmare, and not what you need when you're stressed.

    I hope you're both feeling better now.

    Love,
     
  7. Deeessex

    Deeessex Registered User

    Jul 16, 2007
    36
    Essex
    Dear all
    Thank you for your responses. Why do we all try to be nice? Its hell trying to help sort out everything. Only the other day my husband was told he had to go to the job centre as he claims incapacity and they haven't seen him for 2 years. Trying to argue the case for not going a) because he finds it incredably stressful and b) because I have to take yet more time off work to accompany him, I was told by law they had to see him.

    The laws an ass and who is going to explain why I can't see my patients, I work for NHS, who will be equally fed up with me cancelling their appointment. The answer is me - so you have pressure from all sides!

    Then you try to access a frozen pension early on the grounds of ill-health and you are told it is refused!!!!!! Mainly because the consultant did not put the word Dementia on the report. He did mention though that my husband was prescribed Aricept which unless I am mistaken and they have started handing it out willy nilly for all complaints is only prescribed for Dementia.

    You would think you could appeal against the decision but no you have to start the process all over again - thats local government employers for you! Arghhhh So guess what we are off to the hospital yet again in 2 weeks to ask for yet another letter. Thank Goodness the Consultant is a reasonable man but I wouldn't be surprised if he wants to scream too as this is about the fifth letter he has had to do to various different organisations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:rolleyes:
     
  8. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dee, I'm not surprised you're screaming. These petty bureaucrats would drive a saint to drink!

    Hope you get it sorted soon,

    Love,
     
  9. Deeessex

    Deeessex Registered User

    Jul 16, 2007
    36
    Essex
    Well I'm certainly no saint so a nice drop of chilled white wine might just do the buisness tonight!
     
  10. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    I never even asked about interest!

    Of course, I really wanted to say - 2.5 years ago he would have realised he was getting this extra cash, and enjoyed it. Now... he doesn't even realise it's been missing or that he will be getting it.

    Once the EPA is registered, the poor sod won't even really be able to enjoy spending it, as every penny will have to be accounted for as being spent.. in his best interest :mad:

    Aaargh... having a very very miserable day.

    Missing my Mum terribly now. I cry in the day, I cry in the evening, and I cry in my bed - I've actually never felt tears burn my eyes and cheeks quite like they do at the moment.

    I'd best log out before I push myself into an even lower frame of mind than I am already in.
    :(

    Beverley x
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,722
    Kent
    Dear Beverley,

    Please give yourself a break. You are doing so much, and doing it well, but are you giving yourself time to breathe?

    It`s such a short time since you lost your mother, you aren`t having any time at all to grieve for yourself.

    Take care xx
     
  12. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Hello Beverley,

    I agree with Sylvia...you are getting things sorted..and they will be sorted..but please step back and take some "you" time.

    Sorting out finances ..as we all know..will not happen overnight..but it will happen. You are doing all the right things....
    Time to think about you....:)

    Love Gigi x
     
  13. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Beverley, I'm so sorry you're feeling so low. Sorry if I put extra pressure on you, I didn't mean to.:(

    After you've lost someone you love, it's so easy to busy yourself with paperwork and organisation, but the grief is there, and it has to come out sometime.

    Of course you miss your mum, and always will. But this raw agony will abate, in time, but in the meantime, allow yourself some quiet time. Think of your mum, cry, and then try to have a good night's sleep. Forget the paperwork for tonight.

    Love and hugs,
     

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  14. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    Thank you Hazel & Gigi

    I am half sloshed already... at just this early hour (I'm a non drinker usually).

    I just feel at the moment, that despite having Mum & Dad here for 5 years I really never realised how stressful and draining living with Dementia is on you.

    I feel guilty that I moaned at my Mum for moaning at Dad. I was always telling her off for losing her temper with him. She used to tell me his Dementia got her down. I always told her to quit stressing over it.. it was 'just' a dicky memory. I was always scared her stressing would give her a stroke (which you are at risk of when you have a fistula in your arm which facilitates Kidney Dialysis). I was so focused on my Mum's physical illnesses (kidney failure & COPD) that I ignored or was in a bit of denial over my Dad's Dementia. I was focussed on keeping Mum in as good physical health, that I never realised the drain Dad's mental state was having on her.

    Now she has gone, and I am looking after him alone I am realising all too painfully, that she was hiding from me the fact that not only is his memory shot to pieces, but that he is suffering from delusions too (i.e. my husband is poisoning him).

    I feel sad. I feel guilty.... often guilty... the what if's etc.

    I know there are others out there in a worse situation than me, so why should I feel so cr*p right now?

    Today. I just probably feel more miserable than I ever have done.

    Beverley x

    (sorry sorry sorry to sound so negative.... but today, I just cannot seem to re-charge those internal batteries).

    The future is scary.
    The present is complicated.
    The past went too quickly.:(:(:(
     
  15. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Beverley, don't feel guilty. You did what you could for your mum, and she knew you loved her, and cared for her.

    And no-one is in a worse situation than you. We all have problems to deal with, we all have days when it all feels too much -- and then we have days when we feel we can manage after all. But we can't compare, there's no scale of misery or grief. We know what we feel, and when it's bad, we ask our friends for support. You'll get all the support you need here, and no-one will make you feel guilty.

    Oh boy! I don't imagine any of us would argue with that!

    Love,
     
  16. Deeessex

    Deeessex Registered User

    Jul 16, 2007
    36
    Essex
    Hi Beverley
    I feel responsible having started this miserable thread today. I guess you have had so much to contend with all I can say is that hopefully tomorrow will be brighter. In a way I find its therapuetic for me to share my screaming moments as sometimes if I write how I feel I can almost let them go until the next thing comes along. I hope you find telling others how you feel , sad miserable, fed up, guilty whatever allows you to achieve this too and know you are not alone.
    Love D
     
  17. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    Oh don't worry D.... I would have felt lousy anyway :rolleyes:

    It does help to get out all your woes sometimes.

    Maybe tomorrow... I'll feel on top of the world.. :confused: I think not.. but then.. hey, it's possible ;)

    At least we've felt cra*p together today!

    Beverley xx
     
  18. Deeessex

    Deeessex Registered User

    Jul 16, 2007
    36
    Essex
    Hi Beverley

    Sharing a cr py day is a privelege I dont just share them with anyone you know!!!!!

    Lets be positive and hope the sun shines tomorrow for us both if its raining we can always talk again.

    I think I'll have to start collecting jokes to share only trouble is the jokes I know are far to rude or just plain rubbish - to share.

    Still I think its a bit like this - I always enjoyed chocolate till I was diagnosed as diabetic now I have to look at it longingly from afar and eat an apple instead. Sometimes they are sweet sometimes they are sour.Chocolate is no longer on the menu but sometimes sweet things can come along!!

    Probably too much white wine!!
    Take care
    Dee:eek:
     
  19. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    Well... my jokes are rude or rubbish aswell... I am also 1 bottle of white wine down tonight.

    As for chocolate ... GUILTY AS CHARGED.

    I shouldn't... Mum was diabetic, Dad is diabetic.. I am at risk. January has seen my waistline increase. February a further increase.

    Let's hope for a better day tomorrow.

    Enjoy those apples!!!

    Beverley xx
     
  20. BettyL

    BettyL Registered User

    Jan 20, 2008
    60
    Essex
    Hi Dee & Beverley

    I'm with you all the way - only half a bottle of chilled white wine so far though! I can also boast a Mars bar and a packet of Kettle crisps. It takes dedication to get to 13+ stone you know!!

    We're all in this together and no doubt we'll have some more cr*p days ahead - countless more bureaucrats will feel the sharp edge of our tongues, but there will be the odd ray of sunshine too.

    I had such a one yesterday when mum smiled and laughed all day when I visited her in her care home. A lovely day to be remembered.

    Best wishes and hugs
    Betty
     

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