Today I’m lonely

Bugs

Registered User
Aug 27, 2020
192
0
Today, with my husband in his chair a few feet away from me,I’m feeling so lonely. I woke him for his breakfast and meds. Then he slept until 11am. Got his up eventually and into the shower and dressed. Made lunch, woke him for lunch and he’s asleep again. I feel I don’t have the right to feel sorry for myself. I have a wonderful family who are very supportive but I just really miss my husband, the husband I used to have.
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
6,116
0
south-east London
It can be so lonely. I remember the phase when my husband started sleeping a lot and our days were mainly built around me being on stand-by to take care of his meals, drinks, medication and personal care but little or no real conversation. I also remember the chinks of light amid the gloom when his personality would suddenly 'surface' for a short time - I lived for and treasured those moments, but they became few and far between.

Never think that you do not have the right to feel as you do. These are genuine emotions and difficulties which deserve to be recognised and which really impact on those caring for a loved one with dementia. I had support from family too, but it didn't take away that feeling of loneliness and despair as I watched my husband become ever more distant and difficult to reach..

Many on here will understand your loneliness and the impact it is having on you.
 
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Jazzmax

Registered User
Feb 27, 2021
29
0
I sympathise completely with you. There are days when I feel desolate with loneliness then I get a little smile from my partner and I know I can carry on a bit longer. I hate this disease, I sometimes feel it sucks the life out of you, first the person with Alzheimer's and then their loved ones. We carry on loving and caring but my goodness it is hard and lonely. Take heart from the fact you are not alone. Sending you a big fat virtual hug from someone who knows how it feels.
 

JC51

Registered User
Jan 5, 2021
381
0
I know exactly how you feel, I have been living with my PWD sleeping almost all day every day. I can't leave her alone in the house so my sons do our shopping or stay while I pop out. They are brilliant even though working and have their own families to care for. Erratic nights sleep are common. It's hard worse some days than others, but I will not give in, she is my wife and I will look after her with a little help along the way.
 

pippylongstocking

New member
Apr 1, 2020
9
0
I can so sympathise with you.My household is a busy one.My daughter, along with her husband, 12 yr old stepson, their 3 year old and 4 month old baby live with us, to help me with MH.We have 3 dogs between us and 8 chickens.I have lots of supportive family and friends. In the midst of it all, I feel excrutiatingly lonely. MH is either asleep or shuffling around the house.I miss him so much. No one can replace the void I feel in my heart, for him and our previous life that we shared. He is only 65, I am just 60. AD was diagnosed only 4 years ago. The deterioration has been rapid. He can no longer articulate.He doesn't understand when I try to converse with him and just seems to confuse him, so it is now just inane chatter that I spout!! I even find it hard to remember how he spoke, what his voice sounded like. Yes, innthe midst of the business around me, I feel very sad and lonely.Hugs to you.
 

Bugs

Registered User
Aug 27, 2020
192
0
I can so sympathise with you.My household is a busy one.My daughter, along with her husband, 12 yr old stepson, their 3 year old and 4 month old baby live with us, to help me with MH.We have 3 dogs between us and 8 chickens.I have lots of supportive family and friends. In the midst of it all, I feel excrutiatingly lonely. MH is either asleep or shuffling around the house.I miss him so much. No one can replace the void I feel in my heart, for him and our previous life that we shared. He is only 65, I am just 60. AD was diagnosed only 4 years ago. The deterioration has been rapid. He can no longer articulate.He doesn't understand when I try to converse with him and just seems to confuse him, so it is now just inane chatter that I spout!! I even find it hard to remember how he spoke, what his voice sounded like. Yes, innthe midst of the business around me, I feel very sad and lonely.Hugs to you.
#pippylongstocking we may not have all the answers for each other but knowing someone else out there understands is very comforting. I hope you have a good day today. This morning we have a carer coming to sit with hubby for 2 hours and I’m off to the leisure centre to swim. I had no idea how beneficial I would find swimming up and down, up and down but I loved it. Time for me.
 

Pusskins

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
333
0
New Zealand
Today, with my husband in his chair a few feet away from me,I’m feeling so lonely. I woke him for his breakfast and meds. Then he slept until 11am. Got his up eventually and into the shower and dressed. Made lunch, woke him for lunch and he’s asleep again. I feel I don’t have the right to feel sorry for myself. I have a wonderful family who are very supportive but I just really miss my husband, the husband I used to have.
@Bugs I know just how you feel. MH is in secure dementia care and I have been living alone for almost 8 months now. If I've learnt anything, it's that I'm not made to live alone. I hate it and every day I get so maudlin and lonely. I think one of the only things that has kept me sane is the wise counsel of a dear friend (male) whom I've known for 20 years. He too has a wife with dementia, but is caring for her at home. However, we understand each other and his advice over a wide range of topics regarding my situation has been invaluable and without it and this forum, I think I would have sunk beneath the horizon.
 

avut

Registered User
Jun 23, 2017
3
0
My husband passed away in March this year from LBD. Such a cruel and unpredictable disease. I often felt like we were the only 2 people in a bleak lonely world. Covid definitely exacerbated that awfulness. I read your replies with understanding and sadness. I miss my husband so much . Despite wonderful friends and family I feel like I lost him twice and experienced two kinds of loneliness. Take care all and be kind to yourself
 

Haziebear

Registered User
Feb 29, 2020
22
0
Northwich Cheshire
I can so sympathise with you.My household is a busy one.My daughter, along with her husband, 12 yr old stepson, their 3 year old and 4 month old baby live with us, to help me with MH.We have 3 dogs between us and 8 chickens.I have lots of supportive family and friends. In the midst of it all, I feel excrutiatingly lonely. MH is either asleep or shuffling around the house.I miss him so much. No one can replace the void I feel in my heart, for him and our previous life that we shared. He is only 65, I am just 60. AD was diagnosed only 4 years ago. The deterioration has been rapid. He can no longer articulate.He doesn't understand when I try to converse with him and just seems to confuse him, so it is now just inane chatter that I spout!! I even find it hard to remember how he spoke, what his voice sounded like. Yes, innthe midst of the business around me, I feel very sad and lonely.Hugs to you.
Join tide. Look at their crowded isolation stories.
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
sorry to hear of your loss @avut , my condolences
it takes time to even begin to come to terms with losing your husband twice, as you say; many here will understand the feelings you describe
be kind to yourself too
 

Bezzy1946

Registered User
Jul 18, 2017
54
0
77
Watford
sorry to hear of your loss @avut , my condolences
it takes time to even begin to come to terms with losing your husband twice, as you say; many here will understand the feelings you describe
be kind to yourself too
I haven’t been on here for a few months as my darling husband passed away in January. He had dementia and had been in a care home since February 2020 so I had not seen much of him due to lockdown. He died from sepsis it was so sudden I saw him before Christmas and then he was gone. I have a supportive family but nothing makes up for the loneliness I feel. I was lonely when he was at home as he slept a lot but at least I still had him
Some on the time. Dementia is a horrible illness as you say you lose your partner twice. Love to you all ❤️
 

Armenos

New member
Jun 29, 2020
4
0
It’s all those little bits of conversation that I miss, the little moans about a tv programme or comments on the news. My husband doesn’t realise we have lived and thousands of died in a pandemic.. I think my beautiful dogs are more aware of my sadness and loneliness…
 

Fatima

Registered User
Aug 12, 2016
7
0
I am so touched by all the comments ,and empathise so completely with the views expressed. My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2011 and the journey has been increasingly lonely and isolating. We don’t have family near by.our son lives 200 miles away but comes when he can but increasingly less often as his dad gets very upset and agitated when he comes because he still knows who he is and my poor son finds it so distressing. It breaks my heart as he misses his dad so much. He is always at the end of the phone as is our other son.

So the only visitors we have to the house are carers that come to help with personal care as he is double Incontinent now. My husband does not sleep during the day wants to be active all the time but is not able to mobilise himself so needs constant watching. Many times he slips to floor and ambulance has to be called.

The few friends that I have left are kind and as I am sure many of you find, will ask how my husband is but really don’t want to here the nitty gritty of his condition. So my heart goes out to you all in your loneliness, as it can feel as if as if you are not part of the real world anymore.
 

Pusskins

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
333
0
New Zealand
I am so touched by all the comments ,and empathise so completely with the views expressed. My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2011 and the journey has been increasingly lonely and isolating. We don’t have family near by.our son lives 200 miles away but comes when he can but increasingly less often as his dad gets very upset and agitated when he comes because he still knows who he is and my poor son finds it so distressing. It breaks my heart as he misses his dad so much. He is always at the end of the phone as is our other son.

So the only visitors we have to the house are carers that come to help with personal care as he is double Incontinent now. My husband does not sleep during the day wants to be active all the time but is not able to mobilise himself so needs constant watching. Many times he slips to floor and ambulance has to be called.

The few friends that I have left are kind and as I am sure many of you find, will ask how my husband is but really don’t want to here the nitty gritty of his condition. So my heart goes out to you all in your loneliness, as it can feel as if as if you are not part of the real world anymore.
@Fatima (((((Hugs))))) It is so hard. We can say so many things are the worst, but the loneliness is awful. And I repeatedly say what did I do to deserve this? If there is a Heaven and a Hell, when I die, I'm going to Heaven, because this life on earth is HELL. Sorry, I'm having a bad day. Sunday, lonely and it's pouring!
 

john1939

Registered User
Sep 21, 2017
200
0
Newtownabbey
Hello, Everyone who is a carer will experience somewhat similar feelings of isolation. I have noticed that friends tend to slip away when an illness like this strikes. They seem to be at a loss in how to approach the Alzheimers sufferer.
This is not surprising I suppose. They see a once attractive smart and warm person has somehow morphed into a resentful and quarrelsome individual that can no longer recognise them.
However, since we can't change any of this we have to find ways of coping mentally with the feelings of isolation.
I find that when I can I escape into hobbies that I enjoyed in the past. These activities include computing, astronomy and photography.
Sometimes I can share these activities with like minded folk via the internet. While this is no substitute for face to face contact it is better than nothing and helps to keep me grounded and stops this caring role from completely consuming me.
The carer is thrust into a situation not of their own making and take on the responsibilities willingly but must not allow these responsibilities to completely swamp their lives.