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To understand my feelings

Nannypam

New member
May 8, 2022
3
0
I can’t come to terms with the fact that my old husband has gone. When he has a good moment I think he is coming back . I just don’t seem to be able to accept that this is how it will always be now . How do other people come to terms with this as I am close to tears most days.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
11,877
0
Southampton
I can’t come to terms with the fact that my old husband has gone. When he has a good moment I think he is coming back . I just don’t seem to be able to accept that this is how it will always be now . How do other people come to terms with this as I am close to tears most days.
you do grieve for the person they once were. when they are good, i treasure that and that can keep you going when things are not so good. i used to cry when he was first diagnosed but now i take a day at a time and not think about the future. its hard work sometimes but it wasnt good for him to see me in tears as it made him feel bad.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,139
0
Bristol
Welcome to the forums @Nannypam. It is so hard and the good days when you are reminded of the person who is declining in front of you are a blessing and a reminder of what you are both losing. On balance though, I did find comfort in happy memories and short reminders of who was my partner was in spite of her dementia.
Sorry if that is not much comfort in your understandable sadness and struggle.
 

Nannypam

New member
May 8, 2022
3
0
you do grieve for the person they once were. when they are good, i treasure that and that can keep you going when things are not so good. i used to cry when he was first diagnosed but now i take a day at a time and not think about the future. its hard work sometimes but it wasnt good for him to see me in tears as it made him feel bad.
Thank you for replying. I take what you have said on board. what you said about crying is exactly right for us too. You have made me realise I am not alone in feeling like this
 

Nannypam

New member
May 8, 2022
3
0
Welcome to the forums @Nannypam. It is so hard and the good days when you are reminded of the person who is declining in front of you are a blessing and a reminder of what you are both losing. On balance though, I did find comfort in happy memories and short reminders of who was my partner was in spite of her dementia.
Sorry if that is not much comfort in your understandable sadness and struggle.
Thank you for replying . It helps to know others feel the same.
 

Frankie147

New member
Apr 2, 2022
9
0
I totally understand your feelings, I am in a very similar place to you emotionally, I have had some very low moments too.
My partner has been in hospital since last September, to begin with he was treated for depression but they are now going down the dementia route. Nobody would listen when I would say could it be some kind of dementia, it’s taken 6-7 years to get this far, I am just sad that nobody would even consider dementia, he is now 73.
I think you just have to accept the bad days, i had days when I just wanted to stay in bed all day and cry, you have to try and make yourself get up and get through the day as best as you can, I felt as though I was grieving for him while he is still here.
 

sapphire turner

Registered User
Jan 14, 2022
74
0
I can’t come to terms with the fact that my old husband has gone. When he has a good moment I think he is coming back . I just don’t seem to be able to accept that this is how it will always be now . How do other people come to terms with this as I am close to tears most days.
Hi NannyPam
I am struggling with the same feelings myself, after bad days I try to harden my heart and think our old love is over now but I promised always to be his friend and so I will try to do that. Then he has a better day and I can’t help but hope again that he will be there for me too. It’s like a Groundhog Day of pain when he goes down again. I think it would be easier if he had just died and left me the once.
I know we need to stop having these unhelpful thoughts and just take one day at a time - it’s hard to do it tho. Sending love x
 

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
790
0
Mid Lincs
One day at a time and don't fret the little things, that was my recipe for coping.
I lost my OH 4months ago and still weep when I think of the man he used to be.
@sapphire turner I so agree about losing the person once, I found it easier to cope with the thought he is no longer suffering than watching him decline.
Dementia is a nasty cruel disease that attacks the emotions from all sides continually.

I wish you all strength and send (((hugs))).
 

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