To tell or not to tell


Registered User
May 12, 2008
Hello everyone – this is my first posting although I’ve been reading the forum for a few days and am really full of admiration for all of you struggling with this so bravely. I have 3 million questions but I will start with the one at the top of my list. Briefly, I am concerned that one of my siblings presents a threat to my mother in terms of financial abuse and her welfare generally (she has Alzheimer’s). I am considering making my concerns known (to GP, social services etc). Does anyone have any advice/experience/thoughts on this? She has not given her power of attorney to anyone and is resistant to this. I have been rather vague but I hope you appreciate why.
Best wishes


Registered User
Mar 23, 2008
coast of texas
Welcome to TP. I am sorry to hear this....I don't know the laws over there,but my concern would be that if your mother is already diagnosed with AD is she still considered capable of making those decisions for herself. Those decisions meaning business. Have you talked with her gently about your ideas? I guess my question is also do you have the right to talk to her Dr. to see if he feels she is capable of those decisions still, also.

There comes a point when the law takes away our rights as a family carer (IN US....I would assume similar, but not totally)
when the AD patient has not given POA. I would find out first how capable she is and second if she is still considered capable consider do a POA (for the future)...the best is to have someone local. If she is not you may have to have a lawyer file for gaurdianship for her for you. Understand tho that by doing either you are obligated to take care of her no matter how far. I don't want to sound cruel, but I do care for my mother, in my home, and it is a lot of work, both physically, mentally.

Please look at all options for your mothers sake. Please also look into what you think may be may not actually be what you think it is. Good luck. I hope others in the UK have a better idea on how for you to handle this as I'm not sure how closely our laws coincide...the only thing I do know is that you should consult a lawyer if you deem needed, but remember that this is a time when all of you will need to band together for your mother.



Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Pom.

As you are unable to give details of your concerns I can only suggest you seek professional advice from the CAB or Age Concern.

Take care xx


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
I agree with Sylvia - another route is to call the Alzheimer's Society Help Line and as to talk to the person who addresses legal problems.
The helpline is usually open from 8.30am to 6.30pm Monday to Friday. However the service may be closed occasionally during these times for operational reasons or because of staff shortage.

Call the Alzheimer's Society Dementia Helpline on 0845 300 0336.


Registered User
Apr 16, 2008
Devon, England
Hi Pom, Welcome to TP
I agree with Sylvia. It would be best to seek professional help. A phone call would be annonymous and I'm sure you could voice your concerns without having to mention any names.

I was asked something similar recently by a client who told me of concerns she and a friend had for a third friend. I don't know if friend 3 actually has dementia but one of her children has persuaded her to return to the UK from abroad, where she'd been living near child 2. She now lives with child 1, who has persuaded her to buy a holiday home abroad which this child now visits for short breaks whilst locking the mother in the house because the child 1 is supposedly worried she might wander and she doesn't know the area!! The mother says she is left with food etc. I was horrified that someone could do that to an elderly parent and suggested to my client that she and her friend ought to seek a professional opinion about who should be notified. Notice I have not given any clues to the sex of the child or the location of where mother was/is living.

Have you spoken to your other siblings about this matter? I suppose I'm hoping that there's just been some misunderstanding and that the sibling you're concerned about isn't as bad as you think. I don't have this problem - no siblings (sometimes a good thing, sometimes a bad thing:D)

I hope you manage to sort out this problem without too much hassle.



Registered User
May 12, 2008

thanks to everyone for your comments/advice, especially Nancy and Chris. I am seeking professional advice I was more interested in seeing if anyone on the forum had any personal experience of a similar situation. I'll let you know how I get on.
best wishes