Last summer I had to make the very hard decision to put my parents in a CH. They are in a lovely place just 10 minutes down the road from me and I visit every other day. They took a little while to settle but in general everything has worked really well -- our objectives of keeping them together, safe, contented and near to family have pretty much been fulfilled. And I thought it was the best solution all round and could give some stability to everyone.
Now we have a new challenge. My Mum (who has Alzheimers, as does my Dad) has, since the beginning of year, started not to recognise my Dad for periods of the day. It's usually in the evening but is sometimes now in the afternoon too. She's clearly very scared by the 'stranger' with her and if people start to suggest it's her husband she gets extremely distressed and agitated. My poor Dad doesn't understand at all and I feel so terrible for him.
The number of episodes of non-recognition have been escalating over the last month and this week it's been particularly bad. In the daytime she generally knows exactly who he is and they are completely normal and chatty with each other (and any visitors). But in the later afternoon / evening it is different. On Monday evening she got so agitated in their suite (they have a couples suite in the CH) there was a concern she would be physically violent. Last night she locked him out of the room for an hour and half at 11.30pm.
The CH are being really supportive but are starting (along with the CPN who is now involved) to suggest that we might have to consider separating them if this escalates. At least for some periods of the day. They are doing their best but finding it really difficult to manage the situation. But I'm heartbroken about it. I would never have thought this would happen. I know my Dad won't cope without my Mum but I know we have to consider how to keep everyone safe.
My poor Dad doesn't understand why my usually mild mannered lovely Mum is behaving like this and why she doesn't know who he is (his Alzheimers means that he doesn't understand that she has Alzheimers) and the only blessing is that because he has no short term memory he often doesn't remember the episodes the next day.
Everything we have tried to put in place has been to keep them together - they are such a devoted couple, married for 48 years - and I'm so upset that it is coming to this. But I understand that from a CH perspective there are potentially safeguarding issues. And I of course would hate for either of them to be injured. It must also be so frightening for my Mum not knowing who she is with.
I feel like I'm back in the situation last summer when we were trying to make a decision whether to keep them at home with carers or move them to a CH. Another round of decisions - none of which I want to take. At the moment I've told the CH I need some time to think and just to monitor and see how things go. And they are fine with this and being supportive...but I can see where things are going and what the CH and CPN are thinking we need to plan for. I'm not sure whether to resist the separation suggestions or not.
So sad
Now we have a new challenge. My Mum (who has Alzheimers, as does my Dad) has, since the beginning of year, started not to recognise my Dad for periods of the day. It's usually in the evening but is sometimes now in the afternoon too. She's clearly very scared by the 'stranger' with her and if people start to suggest it's her husband she gets extremely distressed and agitated. My poor Dad doesn't understand at all and I feel so terrible for him.
The number of episodes of non-recognition have been escalating over the last month and this week it's been particularly bad. In the daytime she generally knows exactly who he is and they are completely normal and chatty with each other (and any visitors). But in the later afternoon / evening it is different. On Monday evening she got so agitated in their suite (they have a couples suite in the CH) there was a concern she would be physically violent. Last night she locked him out of the room for an hour and half at 11.30pm.
The CH are being really supportive but are starting (along with the CPN who is now involved) to suggest that we might have to consider separating them if this escalates. At least for some periods of the day. They are doing their best but finding it really difficult to manage the situation. But I'm heartbroken about it. I would never have thought this would happen. I know my Dad won't cope without my Mum but I know we have to consider how to keep everyone safe.
My poor Dad doesn't understand why my usually mild mannered lovely Mum is behaving like this and why she doesn't know who he is (his Alzheimers means that he doesn't understand that she has Alzheimers) and the only blessing is that because he has no short term memory he often doesn't remember the episodes the next day.
Everything we have tried to put in place has been to keep them together - they are such a devoted couple, married for 48 years - and I'm so upset that it is coming to this. But I understand that from a CH perspective there are potentially safeguarding issues. And I of course would hate for either of them to be injured. It must also be so frightening for my Mum not knowing who she is with.
I feel like I'm back in the situation last summer when we were trying to make a decision whether to keep them at home with carers or move them to a CH. Another round of decisions - none of which I want to take. At the moment I've told the CH I need some time to think and just to monitor and see how things go. And they are fine with this and being supportive...but I can see where things are going and what the CH and CPN are thinking we need to plan for. I'm not sure whether to resist the separation suggestions or not.
So sad
