To push for hospital or not?

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Karen.

As has happened to so many people, it takes a crisis........

You now have some respite for yourself, even though you will still be stressed out. Try to benefit from it. You might need all the strength you can muster at a later date, but for now your mother is being cared for by others.

Love xx


Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
Newport, Gwent
Hi Kaz

I am so very sorry about yet another down turn in mum's health, what a couple of days of you have.

You are so very right, mum is in the best place for her right now, and I am so pleased for you that the NH is a good one, that will make all the difference to mums speed of recovery. I also agree with you about further tests, right now mum needs to battle the infection in a caring place without any added pressure or worry about further procedures, time enough for that when the infection is under control if the medics feel there is more to investigate.

I hope you have a good nights sleep tonight, I expect you are exhausted, there is nothing quite like worry to knock you side ways.

I will be thinking of you and mum.

Cate xxx


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
I am overwhelmed by sadness and fear - but with a tiny edge of relief she is in the right place just now ......
Karen, of course you're sad and fearful, your mum is very ill.

But you have the best possible solution to your original question. Your mum will be well looked after medically, but she will also feel much happier than in a hospital. The carers will look after her as if she was their own mum, and you will be able to spend as much time as you want with her, not restricted by visiting hours.

I hope your fears are groundless, and your mum makes a good recovery to where she was before. And you can feel comfortable in the fact that your care for her has been impeccable.

Try to sleep now - no poems tonight! -- in the knowledge that your mum is safe and comfortable.

Love and hugs,


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Dear Karen, sorry to read your post, but deep down you know mum is in the best place to receive the 24/7 care she so sorely needs.

told me to 'go away and get some proper rest' .....

I am overwhelmed by sadness and fear - but with a tiny edge of relief she is in the right place just now ......
Of course you feel as you do, but mum has given you some good advice.

Hope you manage to get some rest. Just thinking of you. Love n'hugs


Registered User
May 19, 2006
Dear Karen,

so sorry to hear about the massive deterioration in such a short time. And of course you're bound to be frightened and sad.

The good thing in all this is that such a good place was found for mum so quickly and that she seems to be well looked after. If she can gain a bit of strength and battle the infection while continuously being cared for by medical staff and professionals, she might yet rally and at least be made comfortable. At least you know she is in a safe place...I know it doesn't make the worry any easier and the thought of what may lie ahead is overwhelming, but this is where the day by day thing comes in again...

Look after yourself in all this too. Thinking of you and mum,
love Tina x

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
Toronto, Canada
You've fought the good fight and now your mother can get the 24/7 nursing care she needs. I know how much you want to keep her home till the end. Perhaps she'll recover enough but perhaps she'll settle in really well at the home. As Sylvia said, it often takes a crisis.
Love & hugs,


Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
Dear Karen

I'm so sorry about your mother's downturn. I'm pleased that you were able to avoid hospital admittance at this time though: it sounds as if your area's rapid response team could be emulated in other areas of the country. Please try to take you mother's advice: get some rest while you can.



Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
Hi Karen

Just to say that I am thinking of you and your mum and I do hope that she responds soon to the antibiotics and makes a good recovery.

Very best wishes


Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
First glimmer of improvement yesterday was mum complaining!!!! :rolleyes: Always a good sign!!!!! :D

It seems the infections ARE clearing ... hopefully with the protein drinks and the few mouthfuls of food she is managing (uness it's too hot/cold, not peppery/sweet enough or anything else she decides to moan about!) we will get to her to a point we can get proper investigations into her physical health ...... in the meantime she is ever more repetitive than the BBC and in the next life I am going to be a nodding dog! :D

Thanks to everyone for their good wishes and especially to those who have been dosing me up with humour to keep me going! As for rest, so far it has comprised feeding the washer, exercising the iron and giving the hoover a run out ...... shopping for essentials, a zillion phone calls to update anyone who needs to know ...... and I am about to amaze my family by preparing supper for us for post-NH visit later ..... (St Sis has camped out again today while I have attended to the 'practicals' both here and at mum's ..... although strangely neither house has fallen down because it hasn't been cleaned for a week!:rolleyes: ) ...... BUT I have to confess - with mum in the NH for the last two nights - I have slept soundly for the first time in ages knowing she is being looked after 24/7 ... that in itself tells a tale?

Fingers crossed, she will carry on complaining!:)

Love and thanks to everyone, Karen, x

(Jennifer, that Rapid Response Team were almost unbelievable (obviously not just for dementia patients) but yes, when I get through this personal 'crisis' I need to make noises in the right places ..... (any ideas on how best to do that Hazel, TinaT? etc!) ..... First time since mum first had memory 'issues' that I have flagged up a problem, been presented with a solution and then sat back and just concentrated on mum while someone else sorted all the practicalities out .... even faxing prescriptions to go straight to the NH .... amazing!)


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Fingers crossed, she will carry on complaining!
Oh yes, Mum! Carry on complaining!:)

Good news, Karen, I hope your mum continues to improve.

(any ideas on how best to do that Hazel, TinaT? etc!)
First thing, get in touch with AS publicity, and ask how you can help. The newspapers are always looking for people to interview, whenever AD hits the news, and they don't like to use the same people all the time. (For people in Scotland, Alzheimer Scotland are always looking for people too).

Then do some research locally. Your local branch of of AS may help, but they tend to send their own people on committees (at least they do here).

We have an organisation called User and Carer Involvement, and they work hard to get carers on every mental health committee in the area. They're all supposed to have a user and a carer, but it's often difficult to get a user.

You'll probably find there's a similar organisation in your area, get in touch and ask what you can do to help. These local committees do wonderful work in making sure dementia patients are well treated in hospital, etc.

Have a go, we need people like you to spread the word.