Dad was diagnosed about 18 months ago. He has been doing really well until now. He lives on his own nearly 200 miles away from me and there is no close family or friends that can look out for him. Our main communication channel is by phone. I always thought I'd try to get him to move closer to me but after a recent visit from him to me he didn't cope with the change in location well and seemed to get worse. Now I'm worried if I get him to move will he cope with it or should I leave him where he is and try and get support. And help would be appreciated.
to move or not to move
- Thread starter Wenchy
- Start date
I can imagine your dilemma,but I think I would try getting help and support for your father in his own home with all the familiar things around him. If that works out well,he would probably be happy and less confused than he would be moving into a new home in a different location. However he is fortunate you care so much,and thinking about keeping him happy and healthy. I'm sure you will make the right decision.
Hi Wenchy
I have the same sort of problem with my wife, should I move out of the "family" home, 25 years there, kids brought up there and all that or stay put where she's familiar. Truth is she's now hit the point where she can't go out on here own so maybe I should move now while there is still the capacity to learn a new house/flat layout and hopefully start to see it as her home before it all goes.
If there's no one local to him now to help and (to me) distance caring seems to be a nightmare specially in emergencies, it might be as well to start looking at the options local to you and exploring the possibilities for the near future. As he's doing well at the moment I'd just start some low key looking: what will selling his house where he is get him near you (north/south divide house prices), what might suit him flat/house/residential care. Just look round and come up with plan A, it looks to me like it might be the best move when the time is right. Distance carers might be better placed to give you advise if you want to go that way.
K
I have the same sort of problem with my wife, should I move out of the "family" home, 25 years there, kids brought up there and all that or stay put where she's familiar. Truth is she's now hit the point where she can't go out on here own so maybe I should move now while there is still the capacity to learn a new house/flat layout and hopefully start to see it as her home before it all goes.
If there's no one local to him now to help and (to me) distance caring seems to be a nightmare specially in emergencies, it might be as well to start looking at the options local to you and exploring the possibilities for the near future. As he's doing well at the moment I'd just start some low key looking: what will selling his house where he is get him near you (north/south divide house prices), what might suit him flat/house/residential care. Just look round and come up with plan A, it looks to me like it might be the best move when the time is right. Distance carers might be better placed to give you advise if you want to go that way.
K
Same problem
My mum lives about 150 miles away from me (her only child; no other relatives) in semi sheltered accommodation. I have noticed that when she stays here, with me, she becomes easily disoriented and I am doubtful about moving her into a block nearby where she doesn't know the layout, laundry room etc and doesn't know anyone either. Also Mum is having some intervention now from GP and services and she seems happy about this. It's far from ideal, especially in an emergency. I work as a full-time teacher and can imagine all manner of nightmare scenarios but for now I am 'watching and seeing'.
My mum lives about 150 miles away from me (her only child; no other relatives) in semi sheltered accommodation. I have noticed that when she stays here, with me, she becomes easily disoriented and I am doubtful about moving her into a block nearby where she doesn't know the layout, laundry room etc and doesn't know anyone either. Also Mum is having some intervention now from GP and services and she seems happy about this. It's far from ideal, especially in an emergency. I work as a full-time teacher and can imagine all manner of nightmare scenarios but for now I am 'watching and seeing'.
My mum lives 300 miles from me and I have a disabled husband too, so emergencies were almost impossible. Fortunately, mum has a friend who popped into see here almost every day and became my eyes and ears. I do not know what I would have done without her.
The biggest problem was that mum refused careworkers and maintained that she did everything herself, which was plainly not true. SS did not assess her face-to-face, but only phoned her up and when she said that she didnt need any help they crossed her off their books. It was also difficult to phone her as she would often not answer, or she obviously had no concept that it was me at the other end (she would tell me what I was doing despite me constantly saying"yes mum, thats me!)
If she had accepted careworkers then I think she could have remained in her own home for much longer, but her friend and I were tearing our hair out worrying about what we could do. I knew it would eventually come to a crises and it did. She had a TIA and ended up in hospital. From there she went into a dedicated dementia unit and has stayed there ever since.
Her care home is in the area where she used to live and her friend still takes her to church and WI. Although she does not remember most of she is still comfortable in her surroundings when she goes out. Friends go and visit her (although she no longer knows their names) and I go and visit her every 4-6 weeks and combine it with a little respite for me. Her friend is still my eyes and ears.
It is very difficult when you live at a distance. I just seemed to "muddle through" and before her TIA I was looking at care homes in my area. Now, however, I think that she is better off where she is, although if she never got any visitors apart from me (my 2 children also visit her and it is easier for them to get to where she is now) then I would have continued to try and move her nearer to me.
The biggest problem was that mum refused careworkers and maintained that she did everything herself, which was plainly not true. SS did not assess her face-to-face, but only phoned her up and when she said that she didnt need any help they crossed her off their books.
It was also difficult to phone her as she would often not answer, or she obviously had no concept that it was me at the other end (she would tell me what I was doing despite me constantly saying"yes mum, thats me!)If she had accepted careworkers then I think she could have remained in her own home for much longer, but her friend and I were tearing our hair out worrying about what we could do. I knew it would eventually come to a crises and it did. She had a TIA and ended up in hospital. From there she went into a dedicated dementia unit and has stayed there ever since.
Her care home is in the area where she used to live and her friend still takes her to church and WI. Although she does not remember most of she is still comfortable in her surroundings when she goes out. Friends go and visit her (although she no longer knows their names) and I go and visit her every 4-6 weeks and combine it with a little respite for me. Her friend is still my eyes and ears.
It is very difficult when you live at a distance. I just seemed to "muddle through" and before her TIA I was looking at care homes in my area. Now, however, I think that she is better off where she is, although if she never got any visitors apart from me (my 2 children also visit her and it is easier for them to get to where she is now) then I would have continued to try and move her nearer to me.
