To move or not to move?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Jazzy, Apr 19, 2007.

  1. Jazzy

    Jazzy Registered User

    Jun 3, 2006
    34
    Derbyshire
    I haven't posted for a while but I read TP daily. My mother has been in an private EMI nursing home for a few months now and I have been very happy with her care. In fact I give the home a glowing report. Mum isn't happy - the next place will always be better in her mind. But then she's not been happy anywhere in the last 18 months. Out of the blue today I received a telephone cal from our first choice of home, which is run by a national charitable organisation. Mum had been on the waiting list for nearly a year. It's a purpose built dementia home with all the facilities you could wish for. I'm in two minds as to what to do. I feel that moving Mum would make her deteriorate even more - she was in a terrible state when she moved from hospital to where she is now. Has anyone got any experience of moving the person they care for? In my own mind I think I've decided to leave her where she is. What does anyone think?

    Thanks
    Jazzy
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,598
    Kent
    Hi Jazzy,

    I moved my mother, but from an awful home to a brilliant home, so it was a bit different.

    Also, by the time I moved her, she was in the final months of her life.

    You know your mother better than anyone. Do you think she`d be happier in the new home, even if it took her a while to settle. or do you think it would just be a lot of upheaval, with no benefit.

    Decisions, decisions! They are so difficult.
     
  3. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    Mum had to move to a secure EMI home after going walkabout several times from the first one.

    She was very confused in the new one for a few days, then settled into the new routine well.

    I think, personally, that for Mum the important thing is that the staff where she lives, even though her speech is very poor, seem to understand exactly what she needs and notice really quickly the first signs of an illness or infection.

    The surroundings are nowhere near as important to her as the staff who care for her.

    For that reason alone, I would not consider moving her anywhere else.

    Hope this helps.

    Kathleen
    x
     
  4. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    It's a tough one Jazzy, and I don't envy you! My mum has been in 2 residential homes, but mainly because she broke her hip in the first one and then needed nursing care. Therefore the decision was taken out of our hands.

    It sounds as though you would be best leaving your mum where she is, especially as you seem to be very happy with the care she is receiving. However, only you can make that decision.
     
  5. CraigC

    CraigC Registered User

    Mar 21, 2003
    6,630
    London

    Hi Jazzy,

    I'd just like to jump in and reiterate Kathleen’s comment regarding the importance of good and caring staff.

    "It's a purpose built dementia home with all the facilities you could wish for."

    We found a home for dad just like this, a new build. After a surprise visit on a Sunday we realised how lonely the home was. It was run like a tight ship and just didn't have the homely and caring feeling about it. We then found out that the staff changed regularly and nearly all were drafted in from agencies. Many residents were just left on their own with no interaction. It was a difficult decision as the home seemed so perfect for facilities etc.

    I've seen many care homes now and it is hard to spot this deficit right away; I'd highly recommend popping back and chatting to a few of the staff if you haven't done so already. Ask how long they have been there, are they happy working there, etc. Do not be embarressed to turn up without an invitation, any home should be comfortable with this.

    Just my humble ramblings.
    Kind Regards
    Craig
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,598
    Kent
    Hi Craig, I hope you`re getting somewhere with your searching.
     
  7. blue sea

    blue sea Registered User

    Aug 24, 2005
    270
    England
    Hi Jazzy - what a difficult decision to take. The advice to visit the other home informally and unexpectedly seems very sound.. it is the staff who make the real difference, I agree. Really there is no knowing how your mum might react to a change. On the whole dementia sufferers do not cope at all well with change initally but do usually settle after a while. Good luck with the decision - try not to worry about it too much - you can probably never know which is the best choice.
    Blue sea
     
  8. CraigC

    CraigC Registered User

    Mar 21, 2003
    6,630
    London
    Thanks Sylvia.
    We have somewhere - just waiting for the go ahead and a place to become available. No stress at all ;) :eek: ;)
     
  9. Momx4

    Momx4 Registered User

    Oct 19, 2006
    25
    Hi Jazzy

    I can only speak from my experience but I would like to endorse Craig's comment about the quality and continuity of staff care.

    It was decided to place my Mother in an EMI unit in the town where she lived for 50 years and had a network of friends and other family members within 20 miles. Although this means I personally have a 5-6 hour round drive to visit, I agreed because I felt Mum would be within the community she knew and (initially) still recognised.

    I make the trip either weekly or fortnightly - and no-one else visits.

    It would be far easier to move Mum closer to me apart from one major factor. She has received superb care from affectionate and professional staff - the same staff - for the 10 months she has been there. That level of stability has been a key factor in reducing the terror, paranoia and subsequent aggression caused her lack of ability to make sense of the world.

    In my Mother's case, 'where' (given obvious standards of cleanliness, food etc) is not as important as 'who' is caring and 'how' they care. Hence I wouldn't consider moving her and I'll continue to battle the motorways for as long as this level of care continues.

    I appreciate how much you have to consider and send best wishes as you do the difficult job of weighing things up.
     
  10. Jazzy

    Jazzy Registered User

    Jun 3, 2006
    34
    Derbyshire
    Hi everyone

    Thank you so much for all your thoughtful comments and support. In the end I've decided to leave Mum where she is.

    Kathleen - you're are so right when you say staff are more important than surroundings. The staff where Mum is are kindness itself and respectful to all the residents.

    Brenda - your words were just right when you said you would leave Mum where she is.

    Craig - again very useful comments. There are no agency staff at Mum's home and when someone leaves they are replaced straight away.

    MomX - after 4 months my mother is beginning to make sense of her world. She talks about " my room" and refers to going to bed as "going home". This makes me think she feeks reasonably safe there.

    Sylvia and Bluesea - thank you for posting as well with words of support.

    I also went though the brochure of the purpose built, home and where my Mum is offers exactly the same care and facilities. So in the end I know I've made the right decision.

    Best wishes
    Jazzy
     
  11. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    #11 Skye, Apr 22, 2007
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2007
    Hi Jazzy

    I'm sure you've made the right decision, your mum seems to be settled, and if she regards it as 'home', that's a wonderful testimonial.

    Good luck to you and your mum,

    Love,
     
  12. CraigC

    CraigC Registered User

    Mar 21, 2003
    6,630
    London
    Hi Jazzy, Glad you've come to a decision - it is never easy making choices for other people you care about.

    Take care
    Craig
     

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