To go or not to go, that is the question

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by jarnee, May 18, 2006.

  1. jarnee

    jarnee Registered User

    Mar 18, 2006
    181
    leicestershire
    Hi all

    Not a major dilemms this one, but would be glad to know what you think. (please :D )

    Dad waits by the window of the home. looking out for us for hours. One day he said that he thought we had dumped him because it had been so long since our last visit and that he would never have friends again (He thinks my husband & I are his friends and will no longer accept that I am his daughter :eek: ....incidentally we had vsited the previous day, but he thought it was 6 months ago)
    We visit every day, vurtually. I think we have missed 4 days since he went in the home in early March.
    My dilemma is holidays. We are booked to go away in July. How do I prepare him for this?

    Do I.....

    Stop going daily so he gets used to us not being there and 2 weeks won't be such a shock to him? (Not keen on this cos we enjoy seeing him, he enjoys seeing us and I hate to think of him feeling lonely and on his own)
    OR...
    Just go on holiday and hope for the best? ( Worried sick about this!)

    The home is great and I have no worries about him being safe and well cared for, so that is why this is a silly dilemma really, compared with other people's worries

    I did have one idea (Hope you don't think its too daft)
    I though I might give a friend of mine a batch of letters and postcards for dad from my husband and me and ask her to post one to him every day. I would ask the staff to explain to him that we were on holiday and would come back and hopefull getting a letter from us telling him the same thing everyday might help to convince him

    Oh I don't know, it was just an idea :eek:

    Jarnee
     
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Jarnee,
    Sounds like quite a good idea to me. Can dad talk on the phone, could you speak to him regularly whilst you were away (Might make you feel better). Have you any friends or relatives who might pop in whilst you are away?
    Dad will be OK; he may wait at the window and look for you, but he will not know that he waited the day before as well. It is you that is going to find it dificult, so think of things that will make it easier for you.
    Love Amy
     
  3. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Hi Jarnee,
    I think the letters and post cards are a great idea ! Infact, I am leaving for a week on Wednesday and have similar concerns. I am going to follow your suggestion and do the same thing ! If I have a friend mail them from here it won't take as long for them to get to Mom as it would from the road.
    I have arranged for my folks next door neighboor to keep an eye out and pay Mom a visit or two. A step sister is going to go visit for a couple of days and my friend and their housekeeper is on stand by to go over if there is a need. And then I will call them every day to stay in touch. Still I am worried sick something will happen while I'm away. But, I really NEED to get away and I'm going !! Self preservation is calling to me:D Actually we are going to see my FIL who has terminal lung cancer so it won't be all pleasure but the six day motorcycle ride to get there and back will be good therapy.
    Hope you have a great vacation.
    Debbie
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I also think the letter writing sounds like a good idea.

    At the beginning I was thinking well seeing that he does not remember you visiting the day before & thinks its 6 mouths ago ,2 weeks out for you ,he would not no anyway as he can not remember & his safe in the care home . but when you said about the letters that sounds so considerate , really lovely thoughtful Idear , thanks for shreing as when my mum gets to your dad stage I shall do the same .
     
  5. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Hi Jarnee

    Have you a friend, or former neighbour of Dad's, who you could start taking to visit Dad with you during the next couple of weeks, and would be willing to pop in to see your Dad while you are away in June? I know it's a big "ask", but just thought I'd add it just in case.

    And the cards for each day you are away is a brilliant idea - well done!
     
  6. jarnee

    jarnee Registered User

    Mar 18, 2006
    181
    leicestershire
    Hi Margarita, Lynne & Debbie

    ...and thanks for your support.

    Unfortunately dad now lives near us which is about 120 miles away from where he was born and raised so he knows absolutely nobody around here.

    His sister in law, (my mum's sister, who I am very close to as we are so close in age....we are more like sisters, really) is the only possible person, but I thought she would post the letters for me. He would certainly not recognise her at all. (He can't cope with a phone !!)

    We are off to London tonight for the weekend. (seeing a show tomorrow & off to see my stepson's new house for the first time) so it will be Sunday before we see dad and I last saw him yesterday. This is the longest we have left him.
    I have told the staff at the home (Who were great and didn't make me feel at all silly!!!:rolleyes: ) and they have reassured me

    What an old fusspot I am :eek:

    Jarnee

    X
     
  7. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Yes you are Jarnee - it is called love!
    Amy
     
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I was going to say that Amy .................Its called love ...... said it but you beat me to it :p :)
     
  9. jarnee

    jarnee Registered User

    Mar 18, 2006
    181
    leicestershire
    Thanks, Guys !!

    I'll do the cards , and, with the mirales of modern technology, I might even scan a few photos and make my own

    Jarnee
    X
     

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