Hi, It's been a while since my last post, I do cast an eye over the forum when I get a lazy few minutes!
Mam has what I would say is late middle stage to early late stage Alzheimer's, she can feed herself using a spoon, hold a drink, brush her hair and teeth, when prompted and that is about it, she requires help full time with every aspect of her life.
Currently Mam is still at home with Dad, but he is showing signs that things are getting too much for him to deal with now. The constant up and down for the toilet which he has to assist Mam with, broken sleep during the night due to toilet visits, Mam's none stop incomprehensible rambling from getting up until going to bed, washing, dressing, supervising, everything really.
Dad has daily help from me with everything, I have Mam for a few days every now and then to give him a total rest, but I now get the feeling he's dreading her returning back to him. He has mentioned more on more lately about Mam possibly needing to go into a home sooner rather than later.
I guess this is the point of my post, sorry for the rambling "history".
My brother and I have POA's for Mam.
If Dad says he wants Mam to go into a home and my brother agrees, but I don't and want her to stay with me, how do we stand with this?
If we can get agreement that Mam stays with me, how much, if anything should I "charge" Mam for board and lodge? I hate those words so much, but I don't know how else to put it, sorry.
The thought of Mam going into a home and paying God knows how much for a service and care that I can lovingly provide annoys me on a financial, emotional, loyalty and loving level. I personally don't think Mam needs to be in a home, just yet, yes, she needs care, attention and help, but she also needs to feel loved. I know the time will come when my partner and I are unable to fully care for Mam 24/7, but surely until that time comes, it's only right that we have the opportunity to provide Mam with a loving, family environment and for us to be reimbursed in some way.
I've just read through this and I feel so guilty for mentioning finances, I'm almost ashamed of myself for even thinking about "charging" my Mam to look after her! :-(
Mam has what I would say is late middle stage to early late stage Alzheimer's, she can feed herself using a spoon, hold a drink, brush her hair and teeth, when prompted and that is about it, she requires help full time with every aspect of her life.
Currently Mam is still at home with Dad, but he is showing signs that things are getting too much for him to deal with now. The constant up and down for the toilet which he has to assist Mam with, broken sleep during the night due to toilet visits, Mam's none stop incomprehensible rambling from getting up until going to bed, washing, dressing, supervising, everything really.
Dad has daily help from me with everything, I have Mam for a few days every now and then to give him a total rest, but I now get the feeling he's dreading her returning back to him. He has mentioned more on more lately about Mam possibly needing to go into a home sooner rather than later.
I guess this is the point of my post, sorry for the rambling "history".
My brother and I have POA's for Mam.
If Dad says he wants Mam to go into a home and my brother agrees, but I don't and want her to stay with me, how do we stand with this?
If we can get agreement that Mam stays with me, how much, if anything should I "charge" Mam for board and lodge? I hate those words so much, but I don't know how else to put it, sorry.
The thought of Mam going into a home and paying God knows how much for a service and care that I can lovingly provide annoys me on a financial, emotional, loyalty and loving level. I personally don't think Mam needs to be in a home, just yet, yes, she needs care, attention and help, but she also needs to feel loved. I know the time will come when my partner and I are unable to fully care for Mam 24/7, but surely until that time comes, it's only right that we have the opportunity to provide Mam with a loving, family environment and for us to be reimbursed in some way.
I've just read through this and I feel so guilty for mentioning finances, I'm almost ashamed of myself for even thinking about "charging" my Mam to look after her! :-(
Last edited: