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To all who are living with loss

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,514
Near Southampton
I’m so glad you have managed it at last Loo.
Welcome back - now to find your way home to your thread.
I’ll post on it so that it comes up nearer to the top of ‘recent posts’ for you to find more easily,
I hope you are able to read the print now. x
 

LynneMcV

Registered User
May 9, 2012
3,975
south-east London
Lynne I am glad the despair has gone for you, it is an awful feeling. For me
also
and like you I have a deep sense of peace and gratitude for what we had together. Even although Henry's
death doesn't feel all that long ago. Two and a half years. He is constantly in my heart and my head for
always. Not to say I don't at times deeply miss his presence.

Today would have been Henry's 85th birthday Dementia was with us about 15 years but we had a good life and lots of happy memories Daughter Elaine phoned earlier to say similar we were fortunate to have him in our lives.

Thanks for your lovely message Sylvia for thinking about us

Wishing everyone good health and a good 2019

Love Loo.xxx
Thank you @Loopiloo and welcome back :)
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,771
Kent
It`s so good to read your post Loo and to see you back on line. You have been sorely missed.

Special thoughts for you on Henry`s birthday. xx
 

caqqufa

Registered User
Jun 4, 2016
142
Another new year without that special someone. Let`s hope 2019 will be easier for all of us.

Let's hope so indeed. At this time two years ago was the beginning of the end. The loss has somehow grown heavier and disturbed nights have returned, which explains why I'm here. I had thought I could put it all behind me but it has not worked out. It feels hypocritical showing a brave face when deep inside is so painful. Thank you TP for the support. I don't feel there is anyone I can talk to who could really understand except for you lovely people on TP. So yes, let's' hope that 2019 will be easier for all of us. xxxx
 

Kitten71

Registered User
Jul 22, 2013
157
East Yorkshire
Another new year without that special someone. Let`s hope 2019 will be easier for all of us.

View attachment 60279
Sadly Dad didn’t make it to 2019. He died suddenly but peacefully on 30 December. By the end, he’d lost his mobility, his speech and was even struggling to swallow liquids. However, amazingly enough he had a brilliant day on Christmas Day and was wide awake throughout, even managing to polish off a three course meal! It’s incredible to think he was dead just 5 days later. Even the staff in his care home were shocked. He’d been there 2 and a half years and they loved him to bits. How lovely he was able to have a positive effect on people even when he was desperately ill xx
 

Kitten71

Registered User
Jul 22, 2013
157
East Yorkshire
So sad @Kitten71 but so joyful too.
Yes, it’s the joyful times that see us through the sad ones. Watching dad battle his dementia has shown me what a strong and brave man he was. Not once did he complain about his illness or the future it held for him, he just got on and lived each day as fully as he could. Even in his final days, he could raise a smile and make me smile along with him too xx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,771
Kent
Yes, it’s the joyful times that see us through the sad ones. Watching dad battle his dementia has shown me what a strong and brave man he was. Not once did he complain about his illness or the future it held for him, he just got on and lived each day as fully as he could. Even in his final days, he could raise a smile and make me smile along with him too xx
That is wonderful.
 

Teddybear12

Registered User
Aug 26, 2016
44
London
My mother passed last July with sepsis but had AL.it was my first birthday and xmas without her.when alone i had a little tear.My sister said (when staying with her at xmas) i know i shouldn't say this but it was so inconvenient when mum was here over xmas as we didn't know what time the carer was coming time wise:(.so why did she say that! i just digested this sad comment and bit my lip as always i was mums 100% carer in her home until her passing i would have her back anytime but that's not to be
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,804
69
Dundee
@Teddybear12 I'm so sorry to hear of your sister's insensitive comment. It's still very early days for you and I can understand how hard your must be finding this time of year especially. I'm glad you shared on here and I hope it has helped a little to share how you feel.
 

Teddybear12

Registered User
Aug 26, 2016
44
London
Thank you lzzy.i have a tear every time i read people's stories as i always feel we, as in my wife and i got off lightly with this terrible disease as mum only suffered around 3 years still long enough i know, but she wasn't that difficult to care for .regards
 

B72

Registered User
Jul 21, 2018
132
My sister, who had dementia, (amongst other things) died shortly before Christmas.

Issues
Unfinished business. If only we could have got on better. But that wasn’t possible, we never did.

Family
I was terribly upset by the insensitivity of some relatives. I now realise it was thoughtlessness, (by later actions), not deliberate. But it has brought a lot of bad times back.
My son, well, I just couldn’t cope with that, not at this time. But that’s brought a lot of past behaviour back too.

My OH.
So much worse at the moment. No doubt because he knows I’m upset. So I’ve lost it, more than once, and shouted at him. :-( :-(
Even the dog senses it.

Oh well, at least people have stopped asking if I had a good Christmas....
 

Loopiloo

Registered User
May 10, 2010
6,118
Scotland
y
Oh well, at least people have stopped asking if I had a good Christmas....
Thank goodness it is over now.
If life is not good be it due to dementia or other health issues and people know why do they ask that?

I think I have lost the thread I was reading and posted here by mistake. Sorry.
The QUOTE doesn't have a members name on it only a number


Henry/s Christmases his five years when he was in the care home were very difficult indeed. I spent the first one with him and wondered why lthe other dementia resident's visitors disappeared just before Christmas dinner which I had with him. He hated everything the visitors and noise the' jolliness' and the next year I didn't visit until the afternoon. He was not so bad but still not happy. He seemed to sense he should be happy and jolly and that it was a special day but he could not understand any of it.

This year (now widowed since 2016) I was 5 days home from 6 months in hospital with a team of carers coming in and struggling with almost no mobility and alone and carers were asking if I had a happy Christmas! I got out of that by asking them if they had a happy Christmas and quite
enjoyed hearing about theirs


I didn't mind being alone, it is not the first time and I did enjoy my Christmas cards and putting baubles on my .very small Christmas tree, with some help from my home help who brought me a plate of Christmas dinner cooked by her mother. Very kind, both are.

I have had my Happy Christmases in the past, when our daughters were young, when there were grandchildren and earlier when our parents were alive and everyone came to us for Christmas. I count my blessings and enjoy my memories.

I remember that feeling an orphan after my mother died a few years after my father. It fades with time but they don't in the mind and heart. At least I had them for a while Mum was 87 and Dad 84.

Jaymore you were so young when you lost your parents.

Love
Loo xx
 

Loopiloo

Registered User
May 10, 2010
6,118
Scotland
Sorry I have messed up that post of mine. It seems to have disappeared. Strange things happen when I type - new laptop. New system. W10.