Tired, frustrated and running out of patience

[schrodinga]

I know I shouldn't get cross at Mum, but I just can't seem to help myself. I find myself losing patience with her so easily. I start every day trying to be positive and supportive but tumble down the same pitfalls again and again.

I just don't feel like she's trying at all.

I know she forgets things. I know she gets confused. But she just doesn't try and just expects everything to be done for her.

I've just come from her now, after helping her into bed. There is a sandwich and fresh cup of juice by her bedside table (within easy reach). She wants me to pick the cup up and give it to her. She doesnt try to reach for it, just wants me to do it. I reassure her she can sit herself up and turn and reach for the cup, but she refuses and says she can't (she can, it just takes a wee bit of effort). I sit her up, turn her body, balance her hand on the bed fame and point to the cup. She bursts into tears and accuses me of being mean. I start to get annoyed and insists she reaches for the cup, which she eventually does and takes a drink. I praise and tell she can do it, she just needs to take her time and set her mind to doing the task. I get a glaring look and am told what a horrible person I am. I storm out in and bad mood with her, then burst into tears as soon as I've left the room - I feel so horrible.

Every task is like this. Going to the toilet. Sitting on the sofa. Every simple little thing.

She is much more capable than what she believes she is. She has such a defeatist attitude and would rather wallow in sef pitty than do anything. I don't know what to do any more.

I'm five months pregnant, my blood pressure is going through the roof and I'm doing more physical work (lifting and lying her) than I really should. This on top of running my own house (as well as hers) and keeping down (a very stressful) full time job.

I just want her to turn and lift the cup. Without me beginning to lose my temper at her, before she even tries.

 

[Nanak]

Hi Schrodinga (love the name )

I'm sorry you are feeling so stressed. I haven't been in your position, but I can imagine how frustrating it can be. You must take care of yourself through your pregnancy. Someone will be along to help you soon. Just wanted to let you know someone has seen your post.

Kim x

 

[Izzy]

Good morning. I do understand how hard it us to remain positive sometimes. It must be even harder when you're pregnant. Please be careful with the lifting. You shouldn't be putting yourself at risk. Does your mum have any help? I'm not sure how old she is but as you're in Scotland she will be entitled to free personal care for the elderly if she is over 65. I think this means 3 hours a day.

I also wondered if an over bed table like this would help any.



I know it's probably not as simple as that but I thought not having to turn might help a little.

 

[Jessbow]

What happens if you don't? If she's thirsty, will she reach out for it?
What happens when you are not in the room?

What will happen in 12 weeks time when you have your hands full with a baby?

I think there would be times that i'd let her wallow .

 

[fullmoon]

You really do have your hands full. I think you need to get a comprehensive care package in place. Your stretching yourself too much and need to look after your own health and that of the baby.

I believe dementia is a selfish disease. Trouble is unlike many other illnesses the suffer has lost the capacity to see that their carer is sinking under the burden of it all - therefore we as carers feel we must keep going because they cannot relieve the guilt by saying, "thank you for your help, but its just too much for you." In reality I think many of our relatives would be horrified by the strain we are under and would not want or expect it. Therefore, we are our own worst enemies - and I count myself among them.

If you struggle on until the baby comes you will then find it impossible to continue, so I would suggest you plan for the future and get social services involved asap. Tell them you will not be able to take a daily active role in mum's care. That way you will not be expected to do anything if the baby has been up all night or is ill. Your help when you can provide it will be a bonus not part of her daily care. I am speaking from bitter experience as my dad was dreadfully ill for the last 2 years of his life (non AD). Then I took on his twin brothers care. The precious baby and early years of my children's life was lost in hospital/dr appointments and general caring/running around. I bitterly regret not being able to just enjoy this short period with my children.

Sending my best wishes x