1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Grandma Joan

    Grandma Joan Registered User

    Mar 29, 2013
    280
    Wiltshire
    I visit my MIL every day . I'm almost obsessive, It's like I can't settle unless I visit. And yet today I hated every minute. She didn't offer me a cuppa, she was very suspicious, and I came away wondering why I bother.

    She may have picked up my weariness, I think I'm pm and I had hoped she would show some sign of gratefulness that I had visited with shopping and made her a cup of tea and suggested what she had for her tea.

    Its an incredibly thankless task at times.

    I've seen her every day this week, even the day I had driven 200 miles home. Tomorrow I will give myself a day off. She quite possibly would starve if it wasn't for me and sometimes I think no-one else cares !
     
  2. cerridwen

    cerridwen Registered User

    Dec 29, 2012
    99
    Gloucestershire
    Hi Grandma Joan
    My Dad lives 5 miles away and has carers going in three times a day. I too feel obsessive about it sometimes; I often can't rest until I have seen him. It is only to satisfy myself that he is still alive, because he never remembers that I have called.

    It sounds like you need some help with MIL. Would it be possible for her to have a care agency involved? Or at least Meals on Wheels?

    My Dad never thanks me either for all the stuff I do for him (shopping, washing/ironing, cleaning, medical appointments, care of cats etc). Sometimes I am so exhausted I drag myself over there to be met with indifference. I keep trying to tell myself it's the illness but I still feel unappreciated.

    All you can do is your best

    Jayne
     
  3. Perdita

    Perdita Registered User

    Jun 22, 2009
    219
    Suffolk, Uk
    In my experience the person that does the most for someone is usually the whipping girl/boy.

    It is a thankless task I agree, but your conscience is clear knowing that you do your best for her :)
     
  4. piph

    piph Registered User

    Feb 4, 2013
    1,530
    Northamptonshire
    I also feel this way a lot of the time. My mum doesn't realise how much I do for her, from organising her care ( which of course she doesn't need:mad:) to organising her finances, laundry, food, shopping etc etc etc. The list goes on and on, but of course she's done all this herself so she doesn't need any help at all! Yeah, right!
     
  5. Grandma Joan

    Grandma Joan Registered User

    Mar 29, 2013
    280
    Wiltshire
    Thank you all. I had a day to myself today. I almost rang her to check she'd taken her meds but I didn't.

    Today was my day in the garden and it was gorjus :)
     
  6. Grandma Joan

    Grandma Joan Registered User

    Mar 29, 2013
    280
    Wiltshire
    Tuesday

    Haven't seen MIL since Saturday :eek: Couldn't help myself shopping for her today so got lots of things she likes from M&S.

    She commented on what a lovely day it is & was very chirpy. I was offered a cup of tea and all was well with the world. She denied having her hair cut even though it was clear the hairdresser had been today, as there was hair all over the kitchen floor. She assured me she had eaten a hot meal but when I counted I know differently as there are the same amount of ready meals in the freezer since Saturday - what has she eaten ??? Oh well she has luncheon club tomorrow and she won't starve as she keeps telling me.

    She's got the Alz Soc support worker visiting for the first time on Friday so we'll see how that goes - but it will give me a day off :D

    So we're back on track and I was pm so that explains a lot :eek:
     
  7. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    526
    British Isles
    Well done for taking a little break from MIL - sounds like you are both the better for it!

    Hope you will have another lovely gardening day soon.
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,586
    Kent
    Sometimes we can be too readily available and subconsciously taken for granted. Let your MiL be without you sometimes Joan and see if more care can be arranged by agency or SS carers. It will be good for both you and your MiL.
     
  9. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,592
    Yorkshire
    My MIL (very mild VaD so knows what she's saying most of the time) introduced her younger daughter to a member of staff in the CH as the 'dogsbody'.

    After thirty years of looking out for her mother on a daily basis, understandably my SIL was very upset.
     

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