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Tired and angry

Purnima

New member
Dec 19, 2019
4
How do u deal with someone who doesn’t think they have dementia. I have hired a cleaner for two days a week to give me respite as at breaking point. Cleaner has not yet started but mum already saying she doesn’t want anybody. Tried telling her that if this situation continues I would not be around re do something to my self. She just said she didn’t want to argue. As I said I am at breaking point and didn’t handle the situation well. I just want my mum back
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,214
cornwall
How do u deal with someone who doesn’t think they have dementia. I have hired a cleaner for two days a week to give me respite as at breaking point. Cleaner has not yet started but mum already saying she doesn’t want anybody. Tried telling her that if this situation continues I would not be around re do something to my self. She just said she didn’t want to argue. As I said I am at breaking point and didn’t handle the situation well. I just want my mum back
Carry on as you are going with the cleaner. It is for your benefit and your mums.Unfortnately PWD never agree for help so you have to take over. I had to step back in the case of my dad .Like you for my own health..Good luck.
 

Jale

Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
413
When we had to get carers in for mum we told her that it was to help my brother (golden child), in fact it was to help mum and me as I was close to breaking point. She never really fully accepted them but some days were better than others. Good Luck
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,169
How do u deal with someone who doesn’t think they have dementia. I have hired a cleaner for two days a week to give me respite as at breaking point. Cleaner has not yet started but mum already saying she doesn’t want anybody. Tried telling her that if this situation continues I would not be around re do something to my self. She just said she didn’t want to argue. As I said I am at breaking point and didn’t handle the situation well. I just want my mum back
Saying no to any of your suggestions is the default answer for a person with dementia. Just keep the cleaner coming.

My mother-in-law had carers in three times a day and of course she never needed them according to her. We told my mother-in-law the carers were in training and had to learn how to deal with "normal people " first i.e my mother-in-law, before they could go to those with dementia. So "it would be really helpful to them to learn the ropes from you first mum " was my opening gambit. Of course the agency were in on the ruse. The carers came for over 3 years ,any of my mother-in-law's complaints were met by my husband telling her the visits were not negotiable
 

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
436
Mid Lincs
My mum kept refusing them and in the end I told she was having them - no arguments. Within 2 weeks they were the bee's knees and she looked forward to their visits.
 

Mydarlingdaughter

Registered User
Oct 25, 2019
83
North East England UK
Its normal.Dementia wise.
Definitely carry on with the cleaner and if your Mum tries to stop it remind her that its for you (Purnima) not her, as you havent got time to do everything.
You can hopefully be there when the cleaner arrives make sure she gets in ok, and decide whether its appropriate to give her a key? and tell her to just remind your Mum that she's working for Purnima not for Mum.
A few years ago Mum was admitted to hospital after a fall. It was actually on that admission that she was diagnosed with dementia. Went to see her one day and the nurse said to me "she's still declining". I was worried because I thought she meant Mum was getting worse. But in fact declining is the medical-speak for refusing help, refusing treatment, etc. My Mum declined everything that was offered to her unless it was something she thought of herself. And she would never help herself!
Eventually Mum was discharged to a care home, for continued assessment. She persuaded them to discharge her, on condition that carers called 4 times a day.
I think PWD dont like change but also often gradually lose insight, so they dont understand what is necessary. Also can become very controlling. Dont forget, this is a phase in your life which will pass. They more you involve others who can help, the easier it becomes.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
132
Are you claiming attendance allowance?
Paying for the cleaner is exactly it’s purpose, and it isn’t means teased?
What is better than a cleaner? A free cleaner!