Hi there - hope someone can help with some advice or pointers on here. My mum is 80 and has lived with my dad for the last 45 years. In recent years she started showing increasingly clear signs of dementia as described on here. Some early signs she dismissed as repercussions of a light fall a few years ago and also very obvious issues where she does not recognise people or forgets events are dismissed as normal - she saw a documentary on tv that ‘people start forgetting things in their 30s and dementia is often the label for forgetfulness in the elderly these days’. My dad is in hospital as of last week in critical condition unexpectedly. Dad had been taking care of mum as much as he could and at least was able to made sure she ate regularly and had a regular rhythm. My mum’s memory deteriorated though and so do many of her social skills - interacting with people have not been a problem but having/keeping friends has always been an issue. Issues with jealousy but also to merely commit to taking part in other people’s lives have always been an issue. I myself live abroad and notice things getting worse, especially personal hygiene and memory - even trivial things like what was had for lunch by dinner time are no longer available - mum comments that this is not important when prompted. I knew that mum had been depressed in recent years which is not something her generation would ever own up to. I have been suffering from the latter issue since diagnosed with 18 and am able to address the early signs, I tried to help with my mum with some non-medicine based techniques, however, she is not interested in doing these when I am not there as she is certain there is no issue. My mum refuses to go to the GP for anything that is not essential for her as doctors for not know anything’ and ‘are just interested in money’. She had been told by an old friend who used to be a doctor that medication should not be an option (ever?) as ‘all medications have side effects which differ from person to person’. My mum’s hoarding of found objects and piling of her clothing around rooms worsened to a point that there were mice in the flat (which have hopefully been eradicated by now). I force-tidied the flat for the sake of her own health this week. It was distressing for her but at least she trusts me to touch her personal belongings. She accuses other people of stealing, especially when looking for lost items which happens increasingly. I try to get her take care of her personal hygiene which is another impossible task. She is convinced that she does not sweat, has an excellent sense of smell and she says her panty liners catch all signs of urine of which she clearly smells of. It is impossible to talk sense into her as she has excuses for everything (growing up in a rural village, nobody washed themselves more than once a week, what is my issue here). I used my time at the flat this week to tidy and wash a lot of her clothing with antibacterial and anti-odour detergents, some of her clothing seems to have not been washed in decades. I sorted all types of clothing so it is easily accessible around the room instead of being in piles where she thinks she had thrown away all of her old clothing. It was hard to even dispose of rotten food as she makes up memories attached to the food going back to her childhood and similar when it is simply a dried lemon or mouldy bunch of lavender that cannot be kept. She does not eat regularly and if given food, she throws it away with various excuses when prompted. Suggestions or hints toward hiring a ‘cleaner’ are dismissed as they ‘would steal her things and she had seen and experienced it in the past’. She already accuses my sister in law and my dad’s step sister of stealing. My brother’s relationship with my mum is somewhat tense as my sister in law does not like the accusations and now reacts badly to the insults to the point of hysteria. This has placed my brother in the middle and he sides with his wife, not something that I have been able to change despite him living nearby. He has given up trying to talk mum into improvements to her situation which is painful to watch. I cannot really blame him as he has a business, two kids and now my dad to care about who are somewhat more receptive toward support. As I am not living there, I am at my wits end. The situation with my dad has been very distressing for us all, however, I do want my mum to have adequate support. Due to her abruptness, she does not have any friends that I could talk to and even trying to get her to search contact with the local church or other senior citizen meetings are of no interest to her - she has an excuse against everything that is being suggested, most of which are not even reasonable excuses. My mum is very stubborn and has been a strong woman all her life. This is now working against her from what I can see. Has anyone else on here experienced something similar? Any advice how to support mum without getting social services involved (hoarding, mice, issues with personal hygiene). I want her to be comfortable but also have a good quality of life. Apologies if there is a similar thread - if you can point me there, I’d be real grateful.