Yesterday, after a very stressful weekend (driving in a blizzard, staying in a hotel with a wedding party going on next to our bedroom until 6:30am, and more), I was not at my best. And I lost it with my husband. Several times. I cried, I shouted, I did all the wrong things. It's the Capgras thing - when he tells me he went shopping with a lady taxi-driver, and that he was running errands for me, well, I should be able to deal with it better, I know, but yesterday I just couldn't. Because sometimes it feels like I don't exist any more - I'm just a function of whatever is going on in his brain.
I know, I know. Take 10 deep breaths, go to the bathroom, think of all the good things and the things that he can still do very well. Like run rings around me in an argument!
But yesterday it just didn't work. The trouble at the moment is that we spend ALL DAY and ALL Night together, and I do not have enough time to put myself back together again. He is very fit, very active, and we run our business together. In fact, the only times I have on my own are when he thinks I'm not me, and i have to leave so his wife can come home. Otherwise she would be jealous.
On the bright side, we visited our daughter last weekend (hence the drive in the blizzard) and she was delightful with me and him. And our son is coming from University to visit next weekend. My husband doesn't know this yet, and will probably worry (and worry) about why he is coming, but I believe the outcome will be positive.
Sorry for the rant, but I feel safe doing it here!
I know, I know. Take 10 deep breaths, go to the bathroom, think of all the good things and the things that he can still do very well. Like run rings around me in an argument!
But yesterday it just didn't work. The trouble at the moment is that we spend ALL DAY and ALL Night together, and I do not have enough time to put myself back together again. He is very fit, very active, and we run our business together. In fact, the only times I have on my own are when he thinks I'm not me, and i have to leave so his wife can come home. Otherwise she would be jealous.
On the bright side, we visited our daughter last weekend (hence the drive in the blizzard) and she was delightful with me and him. And our son is coming from University to visit next weekend. My husband doesn't know this yet, and will probably worry (and worry) about why he is coming, but I believe the outcome will be positive.
Sorry for the rant, but I feel safe doing it here!