Tips needed on how to talk to Mum on phone.

[blueorchid]

Hi,
Mum is in a Care Home. I know I shouldn't be bombarding her with questions when I speak to her on the phone. Today I tried to talk about a future hospital appointment and how I would take her. It was too much information for her and she finished the call and I could hear her say to someone, 'they can go on too much'.

She's only been in the home for 8 weeks and the phone calls are my main contact with her. Any tips on keeping it simple, how to not ask questions (so difficult not to ask a question on the phone), and to keep it light hearted.

I've tried to google for an answer but the answers are geared to face to face contact.

Thanks,
B.

 

[Weasell]

Give up when you are winning ! Is my motto !
i am always amazed by how short my mother likes her phone calls.
The kids send her cards with pictures of her and themselves on the front from a company called moon pig and they are a big success.
It doesn’t have to be a birthday! Thinking of you is fine!
The other advantage of a card is the staff can pick it up and use it as a subject of conversation!
Also information like a hospital visit then doesn’t rely on her recall, which would be less stressful?

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[blueorchid]

Hi,
Thanks for the link. There's some helpful reminders there. I do write regularly and the staff do read the letters to her.

I'll look at MoonPig. That's a good idea sending cards with photos. I guess I just want to hear her voice and try and reassure her that I'm still out there. Not that she'll remember.

B

 

[I can't fix it]

My Mum's CH offers to set up and run FaceTime / Zoom meetings with residents and family / friends. Doesn't work for my Mum but does for a lot of other people - could that be an option?

Good luck!

 

[blueorchid]

I'll investigate. Thank you!!

 

[Bikerbeth]

Hi. With my Mum I tend to push the conversation back into the past. For example, I will tend to say I have spoken to Cousin and we were talking about where Grandma lived and Mum will usually pick something up about the area or relative and chatter on. I have heard it numerous times but it feels like a conversation. Or I might say I found this photo with you and Dad on whilst you were on holiday and again Mum will put in details. It does of course all depend on whether Mum is having a good or bad day.
I tried to avoid saying if I have been out and about (because she can’t understand why she is not allowed out).
If it is a bad day I try to keep it short and say I have to go to work
Hope something there might help

 

[blueorchid]

Hi Bikerbeth, Yes that helps a lot. I guess it's a case of planning what I'm going to say ahead of the call. I have some ideas. Thank you.

 

[imthedaughter]

I personally don't try to plan anything for the future or say the words 'do you remember' as frequently he doesn't!

So when we went to the panto we of course told the home and they got him ready to go and then my brother showed up to pick him up. I would just ask the home to make sure she is ready to go wherever it is appointment or whatever then show up!