Tips needed from those in the know!

Discussion in 'Younger people with dementia and their carers' started by Kate P, Aug 20, 2007.

  1. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    565
    Merseyside
    Hello,

    Well now I'm much calmer I'm back on my questions - not again they cry!!:D

    We had an incident on Saturday and to be frank I was completely stuck on how to deal with it.

    As you may remember dad had taken mum away to their caravan in the Lake District - it wasn't going too badly until Friday when she went into melt down (for want of another word) and threw everything all over the caravan.

    Dad brought her home on Saturday because he'd had enough and asked me to go round to see if I could deal with her. She was in buckets of tears and I ended up cradling her on the couch like a baby which was very upseting. The house looked like a bomb had hit it as things had been thrown there as well.

    It seemed that the problem was she thought it was the day of a church members party and she was mad because dad wouldn't let her go (the party is only next week).

    No matter what we did or said we could not make her understand this and so things started getting thrown again - she took her shoes off and threw them at me which was interesting (I've never had things thrown at me before!::eek:) and it went on for the rest of the day and evening - poor dad I'd had to leave by then.

    I realise this is pretty much the norm but does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this - how do you convince an able bodied woman that she can't go somewhere when she's adament she wants to go?

    Dad was all for letting her go but I don't think it's fair to put someone else in that position.

    What does anyone else do?

    Kate P
    XXX
     
  2. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,093
    Toronto, Canada
    Kate,
    I can't remember (I'm in the right place for that at least:D ), is your mother on any kind of medications? The AD drugs can be very helpful with behavioural issues also, I've found with my mother. There are other drugs which can help, without overmedicating. What is your mother taking, if anything?
     
  3. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    565
    Merseyside
    At the moment she's taking nothing but anti-depressants, which were to combat her aggression while we wait for diagnosis - they seemed to work okay at first but now they seem to have no effect at all.

    To be honest I'm not sure that she's taking them because her and dad have lied to me about it in the past and said she was taking them when she wasn't.

    She has no AZ medication yet because she still isn't diagnosed - after four years!!!:eek:

    I'm not building my hopes up for this anytime soon as mum doesn't want scans or to see doctors and dad won't make her because he says she shouldn't do anything she doesn't want to do.

    I'm supposed to be taking her for a scan tomorrow but I don't think it'll happen because she's saying she won't have it done.
     
  4. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,093
    Toronto, Canada
    I remember about the scan (my memory's not so bad after all:) ) and I think you should just lie to her & say you're going shopping or to lunch or whatever. If you can, call the hospital or clinic ahead of time and explain how reluctant she is. Ask them if they can step in once your arrive & help you get her in for the scan. Sometimes an AD patient can be much more co-operative with someone else.

    There is nothing wrong with lying with the intention of helping her. Your mother cannot make proper decisions for herself anymore and your father is, in my opinion, distraught and in denial. Lies help. If lying helps to get a scan done and a proper diagnosis, then it's worth it.

    Her behavourial issues sound like they require more than just anti-depressants. Drugs can be very helpful but you must keep a vigilant eye out.

    Good luck!
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,402
    Kent
    Dear Kate,

    There often seems to be a trigger that causes an outburst. Unfortunately it isn`t always obvious to carers, what the trigger is, until it`s too late.

    The best way to aviod dramatic reactions is to agree with everything sufferers say, and go along with everything they want you to. But it isn`t always possible or practical.

    So we can only learn as we gain experience of our individual family members.
     

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