9 months since mum died and my sadness is less intense now tho I still have periods of feelings very upset.
I've not been back to TP much - it was such a help during mum's illness but I've been trying hard to get on with 'normal life'.
I've just come across some notes I made just after mum died which I meant to post - better late than never!
They are all in the context of being with a family member during their last days and weeks in a care home.
I "moved in" for 10 days - had a mattress on the floor of mum's room and used her shower. The care staff were fine with the arrangement tho I don't think it was a usual one. They washed and changed mum and I did everything else that was needed. I didn't have anywhere else that I needed to be during the time and felt strongly that I should be by her side 24/7.
My top tips:
Keep clean water in a bowl and soft wipes to hand for keeping skin clean.
Check hands and feet - mum had her hands lightly closed in fists and they needed unclenching, washing and drying twice a day or they got smelly.
After a few days of not eating or drinking, she started coughing up lots of smelly mucus (yuk). I used damp soft wipes to clean her mouth - had to do this every 20 mins or so but it only lasted a couple of days.
If the room gets stuffy and keeping the window open all the time is too chilly, use an oil burner and essential oil to improve the air.
Play gentle, relaxing music - bring in a variety of CDs.
Being in things to pass the time - alternate chatting / singing / reading to your loved one with doing something for you - read a novel, knit, do puzzles. I read lots of mum's favourite poems out loud and sang hymns to her, but read lurid thrillers (to myself) in between!
Wear comfy clothes and keep a change of clothes to hand.
Keep a toothbrush etc to freshen up.
Arrange for family and friends to pop in.
Take short walks, do stretches etc if you are sitting for long periods.
I hope the above will be helpful to some TP members, tho I also realise that every situation is different!
TP was a lifeline to me, especially when I was looking after mum at home - thanks everyone!
I've not been back to TP much - it was such a help during mum's illness but I've been trying hard to get on with 'normal life'.
I've just come across some notes I made just after mum died which I meant to post - better late than never!
They are all in the context of being with a family member during their last days and weeks in a care home.
I "moved in" for 10 days - had a mattress on the floor of mum's room and used her shower. The care staff were fine with the arrangement tho I don't think it was a usual one. They washed and changed mum and I did everything else that was needed. I didn't have anywhere else that I needed to be during the time and felt strongly that I should be by her side 24/7.
My top tips:
Keep clean water in a bowl and soft wipes to hand for keeping skin clean.
Check hands and feet - mum had her hands lightly closed in fists and they needed unclenching, washing and drying twice a day or they got smelly.
After a few days of not eating or drinking, she started coughing up lots of smelly mucus (yuk). I used damp soft wipes to clean her mouth - had to do this every 20 mins or so but it only lasted a couple of days.
If the room gets stuffy and keeping the window open all the time is too chilly, use an oil burner and essential oil to improve the air.
Play gentle, relaxing music - bring in a variety of CDs.
Being in things to pass the time - alternate chatting / singing / reading to your loved one with doing something for you - read a novel, knit, do puzzles. I read lots of mum's favourite poems out loud and sang hymns to her, but read lurid thrillers (to myself) in between!
Wear comfy clothes and keep a change of clothes to hand.
Keep a toothbrush etc to freshen up.
Arrange for family and friends to pop in.
Take short walks, do stretches etc if you are sitting for long periods.
I hope the above will be helpful to some TP members, tho I also realise that every situation is different!
TP was a lifeline to me, especially when I was looking after mum at home - thanks everyone!
