It's all wrong isn't it? I have never heard of a disease that destroys so many family members as well as those afflicted....I’ve just found my tipping point. Trying to keep calm. He’s blissfully unaware. So angry venting my spleen by stamping on newly ironed shirts which is counter productive I know but oddly satisfying. Back to the ironing board. I have no life.
Think I've missed this thread @maryjoan been trying to catch up but too much to read. Tipping Point is a good name for it - but if it's a really bad tipping point then it's the straw that broke the camels back. Anyway the tipping point is everything for me these days, like the endless nonsense conversation, the endless repetitive questions, the neediness and self-absorbtion, the negativity and believing that no one cares for him, following me around everywhere, loss of freedom, loss of choice.... But the one that's really annoying me today is the amount of work he makes, so much cleaning, toilets all the time, sheets, clothes, the mess, helping with showering, dressing, teeth brushing..... Anyway I think I've come to the realisation today that I don't love him anymore (horrible to admit so hopefully this will stay hidden within your post). I feel so sad about it and it means I'm caring for him only out of pity and for what I used to feel for him. Trying to analyse whether I really don't love him anymore or perhaps there is something left because I would miss him if he wasn't around (or would I?). I wonder if anyone else has fallen out of love with their spouse/partner who has dementia, I would be too scared to ask in case it is only me!It's all wrong isn't it? I have never heard of a disease that destroys so many family members as well as those afflicted....
Perhaps you’re like me, missing the life you used to have! I’ve had plenty of bad days, when I wish I’d never set eyes on him, but other days are better and I just feel so sad. It’s unfair, but then life is unfair!!Think I've missed this thread @maryjoan been trying to catch up but too much to read. Tipping Point is a good name for it - but if it's a really bad tipping point then it's the straw that broke the camels back. Anyway the tipping point is everything for me these days, like the endless nonsense conversation, the endless repetitive questions, the neediness and self-absorbtion, the negativity and believing that no one cares for him, following me around everywhere, loss of freedom, loss of choice.... But the one that's really annoying me today is the amount of work he makes, so much cleaning, toilets all the time, sheets, clothes, the mess, helping with showering, dressing, teeth brushing..... Anyway I think I've come to the realisation today that I don't love him anymore (horrible to admit so hopefully this will stay hidden within your post). I feel so sad about it and it means I'm caring for him only out of pity and for what I used to feel for him. Trying to analyse whether I really don't love him anymore or perhaps there is something left because I would miss him if he wasn't around (or would I?). I wonder if anyone else has fallen out of love with their spouse/partner who has dementia, I would be too scared to ask in case it is only me!
Yes it's unfair @Vitesse, so very unfair and so sad, how I miss the person he was.Perhaps you’re like me, missing the life you used to have! I’ve had plenty of bad days, when I wish I’d never set eyes on him, but other days are better and I just feel so sad. It’s unfair, but then life is unfair!!
I bet you’re not alone. It’s been just six months since my OH’s diagnosis and already it feels as if we’re living in a very narrow rut. At the moment he’s still able to do a lot for himself but gradually some of his hygiene is slipping. The frustration of looking after him is easier because he can still appreciate and thank me for the things I do, but I know that will not last. We loved the person they were, not who they become because of the disease. I’m hoping that will get me through in the future. I read a post on another site which said we’re dealing with the here and now while grieving for the past and worrying about the future. No wonder we’re exhausted. We’re alone in this so don’t be afraid to ask anything here.Think I've missed this thread @maryjoan been trying to catch up but too much to read. Tipping Point is a good name for it - but if it's a really bad tipping point then it's the straw that broke the camels back. Anyway the tipping point is everything for me these days, like the endless nonsense conversation, the endless repetitive questions, the neediness and self-absorbtion, the negativity and believing that no one cares for him, following me around everywhere, loss of freedom, loss of choice.... But the one that's really annoying me today is the amount of work he makes, so much cleaning, toilets all the time, sheets, clothes, the mess, helping with showering, dressing, teeth brushing..... Anyway I think I've come to the realisation today that I don't love him anymore (horrible to admit so hopefully this will stay hidden within your post). I feel so sad about it and it means I'm caring for him only out of pity and for what I used to feel for him. Trying to analyse whether I really don't love him anymore or perhaps there is something left because I would miss him if he wasn't around (or would I?). I wonder if anyone else has fallen out of love with their spouse/partner who has dementia, I would be too scared to ask in case it is only me!
Four years since he was diagnosed. I just don't know how much longer I can go on like this.I bet you’re not alone. It’s been just six months since my OH’s diagnosis and already it feels as if we’re living in a very narrow rut. At the moment he’s still able to do a lot for himself but gradually some of his hygiene is slipping. The frustration of looking after him is easier because he can still appreciate and thank me for the things I do, but I know that will not last. We loved the person they were, not who they become because of the disease. I’m hoping that will get me through in the future. I read a post on another site which said we’re dealing with the here and now while grieving for the past and worrying about the future. No wonder we’re exhausted. We’re alone in this so don’t be afraid to ask anything here.
Exactly how I feel. Where is the man I fell in love with only 9 years ago?Four years since he was diagnosed. I just don't know how much longer I can go on like this.
Yeah, know what you mean, harder and harder to remember how they were as it gets overtaken by how they are now. I saw someone wrote that their husband was diagnosed 3 years ago and is in a care home, in some ways I would like my partner to be but then I would feel guilty because he would hate it - oh you can't win can you. Like your idea of separate bungalow, that couldn't work for us unless he had a live in carer.Exactly how I feel. Where is the man I fell in love with only 9 years ago?
I don't love the man I live with because he is not the same man in any way shape or form.
I feel for him and that is not the same.
I respect the man he was, and the kindnesses he showed me, I try very hard to remember them... but they are slipping away as they become overwhelmed by who he is now - and he can't help it, I know, I know, -
I am very unsure that it will work for us either - so renting for 6 months, see how it goes..... maybeYeah, know what you mean, harder and harder to remember how they were as it gets overtaken by how they are now. I saw someone wrote that their husband was diagnosed 3 years ago and is in a care home, in some ways I would like my partner to be but then I would feel guilty because he would hate it - oh you can't win can you. Like your idea of separate bungalow, that couldn't work for us unless he had a live in carer.
It’s a complete tragedyIt's all wrong isn't it? I have never heard of a disease that destroys so many family members as well as those afflicted....
It’s a complete tragedy
No it's not only you. I don't think of my husband now as I once did. Today he is just someone I have to look after, my duty.I wonder if anyone else has fallen out of love with their spouse/partner who has dementia, I would be too scared to ask in case it is only me!
@Justmary - it is a brave thing to acknowledge - and something I have only just done.@White Rose , @maryjoan , @jenniferjean I feel the same. I've known for a while that I'm no longer in love with my husband. And yes, I feel for him and care for him, and I did love the man he was, but that is the past. All I feel now is empty and so alone. But I try not to dwell on that too often. And this is the first time I've said it out loud.
I think we all feel sorry for ourselves at this time of year. Others in the 'real' world are looking forwards to new things, while we a treading water and slowly sinking......I have come to the conclusion today that my dad does not have a clue that I have given up my freedom and any hope of a normal life for two and a half years now. I have been living with him for 10 months so now have no family life either but dad does not even realise this. He genuinely thinks he looks after himself and I have just popped in to see him.
How is it any kind of normal to live like this, it is crazy and I admit that I am feeling very sorry for myself.
I have given myself a get out date of April
I think we all feel sorry for ourselves at this time of year. Others in the 'real' world are looking forwards to new things, while we a treading water and slowly sinking......
What you've written is so true. I feel that nobody else understands. And you've woken me to admit that my husband wouldn't want to be as he is. Thank you.It’s so sad that we all feel like this. The worst of it is feeling that nobody else understands or cares about me!! When I read these posts, however, that’s not true. We all care about each other!!! Some days I hate my husband, but most of the time, I look at him and just feel sorry it’s come to this and hope that the gods are kind to him. He wouldn’t want to be like this, no more than I do !!!