I feel so guilty but I'm so fed up with it all. I turned 60 at the weekend and had a lovely meal with family and a few friends to celebrate. Oh came and made great effort for me, although am not sure he remembered what it was all about. I haven't been bothered all week and have left him on his own with the dog while I went to meet an old friend who was here from abroad on Wednesday. I told a little white lie because OH doesn't know this friend and I couldn't be bothered to explain. I had a nice couple of hours just catching up and being "normal" for change. It was when I left and my friend said he had always liked my smile, and he hadn't seen me smile all afternoon. I thought I was coping OK now am not so sure. Oh has young onset and has completely changed he rarely goes out unless it's to walk dog or dementia cafe. I am so sad! I have lost him! I don't know how long I can live like this. Sorry to ramble on, but it's so lonely.