I'm with you Alice, I keep notes for the Doctor and leave it at that.
My mantra has always been that "I learn from past experience and make outline plans for the future but live firmly in the present" - it's the only place we have existence.
TIPPING POINT
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I'm with you Alice, I keep notes for the Doctor and leave it at that.
My mantra has always been that "I learn from past experience and make outline plans for the future but live firmly in the present" - it's the only place we have existence.
True, so very true. I remember the story of of the old lady who said her life had been full of woe and worries, then as an afterthought said few actually happened!
Hope you are having a good day.
Hello @karaokePete...I like your Mantra very much ..but for me I have to include hope ..but your right how else do we exist....sorry feeling a tidgy bit down at the minute , must try harder .
Take care A x
Take care A x
I'm an eternal optimist, me. So much so that when my son was in his late teens he looked me in the eye one day and said "Dad, is your glass ever half empty?". My answer was a simple "No".
Probably due to my attitudes I don't think much in terms of 'hope'. I think what I do in my 'present' shapes my future so I just take it as it comes - ever the pragmatist and believer in karma too.
I hope your mood lifts soon - have a ((HUG)) to help you along, oh and a
too.My husband was ever the optimist until this rotten illness captured him ...and I know this is his tipping point .Bless him x
To revert back to journal/diary or not..I began intermittently writing way back over 6 years ago when it all began and latterly after his stroke but now I don’t because it feels a little like I’m betraying him. I write a note each time we have an appt to give to doctors etc.
Thank you for the hug ,one right back at you. I feel better already and yes I believe in Karma ..((I suppose that’s contradictory after hope
A x
To revert back to journal/diary or not..I began intermittently writing way back over 6 years ago when it all began and latterly after his stroke but now I don’t because it feels a little like I’m betraying him. I write a note each time we have an appt to give to doctors etc.
Thank you for the hug ,one right back at you. I feel better already and yes I believe in Karma ..((I suppose that’s contradictory after hope
A x
How interesting! As a psychotherapist, I once worked with a client who had kept a journal for 30 years and said she only wrote down the bad stuff. So, I'm asking why not the good stuff, too, and she's saying that the good stuff doesn't count ...
Geraldinexx
Yes, thank you, it is sad, but then I have encountered this sentiment in many forms. Loads of people find happiness, even brief happiness a terrifying place to be. And it is kind of cultural that bad experiences are somehow more loaded and certainly more mentally revisited than good ones. Geraldinexx
Very interested in this mantra lark, Pete. Thank you. Mine is Go into the dark, show no fear. Gx
I do think our thoughts influence us, so more positive ones do help. Also they affect others.
I had a friend who was psychic, she said when she went into a room and there had been arguing she saw red and black daggers. she would have be more than a hundred by now.
I cannot leave my husband at all as he has dysphagia, one day I thought this is just what we wanted when we first met, just proves wishes do come true. LOL
Without being a Pollyanna, I am a glass half full rather than empty person, too.
Hope all is well with you. Xxx
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When the past has held nothing but grief, ( I will not go into it, but I do not exaggerate) the sheer disillusionment that this has happened to us now is overwhelming. Just when he and I had found each other for our happy ever after, albeit without much by the way of money or belongings - to have him snatched away like this and replaced by this nasty disease, is such a kick in the guts.
It is taking me too long to get my head around it, I keep giving myself a mental shake and then something else happens - perhaps a New Year is called for, let's call it 2019 and approach with hope and a little caution.
I understand what you are saying, we are brought up on happy ever after stories, it is in our culture.
Yet in reality Life is never finished with us, it is constantly tempering us with heat and cold.
I am of an age and condition where some would say it is time to let go and let others, but there are no others in the present.
I had some writing come in from another part of my life, it was quite brief but I will try and make it briefer.
To sum it up the writer was saying that our pain is caused by our expecting, if we dropped our expectations we would suffer less. These expectations disable us just as those happy ever after stories do, if we believe in them.
Wedding Days now put many people in debt, if a fraction of the effort for the perfect day was put put into the unachievable perfect life it would be more useful. People are sold a myth.
Expectations are a myth too, they are a nebulous future event, worry (as opposed to concern leading to action) is also an expectation. Good expectations let us down, bad expectations wear us out.
What ever 2019 brings us all let's not look too far forward or too far back, just enough so we learn from past mistakes and prepare for future ones.
As Pete says the present is the only place we have existence.
Geraldine's post was interesting too, I knew a married priest, he and his wife became very brave example when she had cancer. When the consultant told them the treatment was a success neither could cope. Happiness was too much to bear.
I believe in Petes karma too, some is long term and some short. Actions lead to further actions.
I think it is about learning to step into the void and trusting a hand will rise to see safely us to the other side.
There is a children's book called Cry Heart but never Break.
These challenges do make our hearts cry, we are but human.
Yet in reality Life is never finished with us, it is constantly tempering us with heat and cold.
I am of an age and condition where some would say it is time to let go and let others, but there are no others in the present.
I had some writing come in from another part of my life, it was quite brief but I will try and make it briefer.
To sum it up the writer was saying that our pain is caused by our expecting, if we dropped our expectations we would suffer less. These expectations disable us just as those happy ever after stories do, if we believe in them.
Wedding Days now put many people in debt, if a fraction of the effort for the perfect day was put put into the unachievable perfect life it would be more useful. People are sold a myth.
Expectations are a myth too, they are a nebulous future event, worry (as opposed to concern leading to action) is also an expectation. Good expectations let us down, bad expectations wear us out.
What ever 2019 brings us all let's not look too far forward or too far back, just enough so we learn from past mistakes and prepare for future ones.
As Pete says the present is the only place we have existence.
Geraldine's post was interesting too, I knew a married priest, he and his wife became very brave example when she had cancer. When the consultant told them the treatment was a success neither could cope. Happiness was too much to bear.
I believe in Petes karma too, some is long term and some short. Actions lead to further actions.
I think it is about learning to step into the void and trusting a hand will rise to see safely us to the other side.
There is a children's book called Cry Heart but never Break.
These challenges do make our hearts cry, we are but human.
Thank you for that - it gives me something to hang on to and to think about - every morning I have ion my head what I want to do, or achieve in the day - but once he is up and about - somehow it all drifts out of the window as we play yet another endless game of scrabble.
Another problem has raised its head again today. Some of you will now that OH has had an operation to save his life, which means he now has a stoma and bag - which he does not manage very well, and carers come to help with this.
His skin is now infected, not quite around the stoma, but where his trouser belt buckle is - he keeps scratching, and now I am going to ring Dr on Monday as it is getting smelly with infection. Problem is - he always has done his own laundry since I have known him, but refuses to wash certain things such as trousers/ jumpers etc. Some of these items have not been washed in the 8 years I have known him - he rarely buys new or wants new. Given his lack of understanding regarding the stoma, his trousers are filthy with what is generally called 'output' - but we all know what it is!! The carer this morning told him he needed them washing - but he refused.
He won't let me near his wardrobes which are beautifully tidy, and full of nicely folded clothes ( which are dirty).
It is no wonder he has this infection because his clothes are so dirty.....
what to do - I cannot sneak them away from him, as he would notice straight away
This disease has so many shifting sands - and that is where I am today
It is really so tough for you. Sometimes we need an outside ' authority' to have an impact.
Often we are just too close, deep down they know that they are loved but they keep testing us unwittingly. With others it would work so they go into 'hosting mode' put on a show and end up exhausted.
Do you have someone you can get to come and see him, a doctor, a nurse?
He is endangering his own health as well as yours.
If he ends up with a serious infection he could end in hospital, is that a threat enough?
Re. Expectations, my birthday is coming up, it has always been a strange day being near Christmas. Once my mother forgot it! I reminded her after that, subtly.
Anyhow being on a Saturday I have had an offer of being taken into town as we said we would like to see the new Mary Poppins. However we do not need to see it that urgently, the DVD is coming out for ten pound so we are content to wait.
Having been told that I can do what ever I want, I suggested that it would better if we went but I had an hour or so to myself. I have not been into town for weeks and then very briefly.
I need the bank and a couple of other things, to wander into the bookshop perhaps.
I suggested if the family could wander with my husband or go for a coffee I could do this.
What would have been commonplace or even a chore is now a treat!
There what I felt a halfhearted response, well, perhaps but I have to do .........
Ending up with "well it's up to you but the film is good".
It maybe but ............... so I will wait and see. It made me smile albeit ruefully.
So with no expectations anything will seem good!
Often we are just too close, deep down they know that they are loved but they keep testing us unwittingly. With others it would work so they go into 'hosting mode' put on a show and end up exhausted.
Do you have someone you can get to come and see him, a doctor, a nurse?
He is endangering his own health as well as yours.
If he ends up with a serious infection he could end in hospital, is that a threat enough?
Re. Expectations, my birthday is coming up, it has always been a strange day being near Christmas. Once my mother forgot it! I reminded her after that, subtly.
Anyhow being on a Saturday I have had an offer of being taken into town as we said we would like to see the new Mary Poppins. However we do not need to see it that urgently, the DVD is coming out for ten pound so we are content to wait.
Having been told that I can do what ever I want, I suggested that it would better if we went but I had an hour or so to myself. I have not been into town for weeks and then very briefly.
I need the bank and a couple of other things, to wander into the bookshop perhaps.
I suggested if the family could wander with my husband or go for a coffee I could do this.
What would have been commonplace or even a chore is now a treat!
There what I felt a halfhearted response, well, perhaps but I have to do .........
Ending up with "well it's up to you but the film is good".
It maybe but ............... so I will wait and see. It made me smile albeit ruefully.
So with no expectations anything will seem good!
A real Tipping Point today, a rather big milestone I think.
We had a slight disagreement earlier, very minor, when he refused to have a shower to keep a skin infection clean until we can see doctor....
He phoned his son, and said he did not want to be with me any longer, and fancied moving up to Derby - the practicalities are enormous- assumed, wrongly, that he could just live with his son ( who is in a 1 bedroomed flat).
Just feel quite hurt that he is thinking like this after all we have meant to each other, and all I have done for him.
But the truth is, of course, it is the dementia, isn't it - well, of course it is.
We had a slight disagreement earlier, very minor, when he refused to have a shower to keep a skin infection clean until we can see doctor....
He phoned his son, and said he did not want to be with me any longer, and fancied moving up to Derby - the practicalities are enormous- assumed, wrongly, that he could just live with his son ( who is in a 1 bedroomed flat).
Just feel quite hurt that he is thinking like this after all we have meant to each other, and all I have done for him.
But the truth is, of course, it is the dementia, isn't it - well, of course it is.
Oh boy, Maryjane
So many PWDs do not understand why they are having problems. They know that Something Is Not Right, but they do not understand that this Something is actually them. Many of them think that if they go somewhere else, new home, new job, new car, new partner, then they will leave all the confusion of dementia behind
Still hurts, though (((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
So many PWDs do not understand why they are having problems. They know that Something Is Not Right, but they do not understand that this Something is actually them. Many of them think that if they go somewhere else, new home, new job, new car, new partner, then they will leave all the confusion of dementia behind
Still hurts, though (((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
Hi @maryjoan, I know what that's like only too well.
On Friday night my wife and I had been out having a good enough evening and were just arriving home when I was the victim of a sudden rage that came out of nowhere and ended with me being told "If we were at home I'd leave you". Water off a ducks back to me as the sheer ridiculousness of the statement(she wouldn't last a day on her own) proved it was the dementia talking.
The first few times I heard statements like that it hurt but then I realised it was just an expression of some kind of anxiety when on one occasion I offered to pack her bags and drive her to her sons and she settled down in an instant.
In reality It's not that they want to go, but I find it hard to get to the bottom of the anxiety as my wife will go into a huff and won't talk. I just roll with it instead.
The best I can offer is a ((HUG)) and hope that things settle between you and in your own heart and mind.
On Friday night my wife and I had been out having a good enough evening and were just arriving home when I was the victim of a sudden rage that came out of nowhere and ended with me being told "If we were at home I'd leave you". Water off a ducks back to me as the sheer ridiculousness of the statement(she wouldn't last a day on her own) proved it was the dementia talking.
The first few times I heard statements like that it hurt but then I realised it was just an expression of some kind of anxiety when on one occasion I offered to pack her bags and drive her to her sons and she settled down in an instant.
In reality It's not that they want to go, but I find it hard to get to the bottom of the anxiety as my wife will go into a huff and won't talk. I just roll with it instead.
The best I can offer is a ((HUG)) and hope that things settle between you and in your own heart and mind.
