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TIPPING POINT

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,102
Scotland
You’re right. Clean is good. Clean is civilised. I feel good when my husband is washed shaved and smartly dressed.
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,680
80
East of England
Hip, hip, hooray, my wife is clean. Quite what went through her mind this morning who knows but she had a shower and washed hair. It changes my emotional state when she’s clean. I helped of course and was as gentle as I could be with reassuring words. If only every day could be like this
So pleased, it’s wonderful how cheering these small successes are however long they last. He doesn’t shower or change his clothes unless I tell him but I usually have a bit of a tussle. After a week I just said today’s the day and up he went. He couldn’t have selected the clothes though and I supervised and helped him.
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,412
South of the Border
And yesterday's Tipping Point for me, was knowing how little family and friends understand. A life long friend of my OH emailed me last night because he had received a Christmas card off OH. The friend commented that it was ' good to see the improvement in M, and that he was obviously now more of a help than an hindrance.'

Really? OH sent out just 6 cards this year after buying a couple of dozen - he is not bothered about the rest, just as he is not bothered about anything any more.

I despair as so many people think that dementia is just being a little forgetful, and it can even be a little amusing - the forgetfulness. They ought to think about the word itself 'de - mentia' - the losing of ones mental faculties, like deforestation describes losing forests.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,102
Scotland
And yesterday's Tipping Point for me, was knowing how little family and friends understand. A life long friend of my OH emailed me last night because he had received a Christmas card off OH. The friend commented that it was ' good to see the improvement in M, and that he was obviously now more of a help than an hindrance.'

Really? OH sent out just 6 cards this year after buying a couple of dozen - he is not bothered about the rest, just as he is not bothered about anything any more.

I despair as so many people think that dementia is just being a little forgetful, and it can even be a little amusing - the forgetfulness. They ought to think about the word itself 'de - mentia' - the losing of ones mental faculties, like deforestation describes losing forests.
We had a surprise visit on Sunday from a much loved cousin. When still a schoolboy he used to visit us and later baby sat for me. My daughters loved him too. Although he has a mother and FIL with signs of dementia he clearly had little understanding of the illness. When I asked John who our visitor was he said “Of course I know him. He’s the man who put the fence up”!

John is clean and smart and pleasant but believe me there is nothing there behind this. My cousin started most sentences with “Couldn’t you just.,,...”

Presumably people imagine that this or that cliched piece of advice will change the PWD into a functioning adult. If only. Fortunately my cousin is a good person and means well. I forgive him anything.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,510
N Ireland
It’s true that people don’t understand dementia if they don’t have experience of it. I didn’t, until my wife developed it.

I’ve mentioned elsewhere how I keep my wife going to karaoke as I think the singing and social interaction are good therapy. I wish I had a £ for every person who says “she looks fine to me”, even the KJ has said that but then got a surprise on Saturday night when my wife got up to sing a song she has been singing for a couple of years. The KJ put up a different backing track for the song and my wife just stood and stared at it - it wasn’t the usual so she didn’t know what to do!

It was sad in a way but showed people that she ‘looks’ OK but the mind isn’t working as it should. It felt like a small victory to me as I hoped a few people would now understand why I constantly tell her what to do - it’s not that I’m a control freak!
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,825
It must have been a bitter sweet victory. People just do not understand. I know some, including the nearest daughter, think I should 'let go'. They wonder why I monitor what is eaten, after all he 'looks' all right better than some of his age.
He rises to the occasion, they do not see the flash of panic in his eyes, checking I am there, the need to reassurance. The tiredness after a simple event. The anxiety to be on time.
I think, Pete, we are doing too good a job!!!
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,510
N Ireland
Bitter sweet indeed Alice.

I remember when my wife got a diagnosis of MCI a few years ago and I immediately got googling and discovered that some with that diagnosis can revert to norm when underlying conditions like depression & anxiety are treated. I got busy reassuring my wife with that news but the slide continued and within a year we were at dementia as a diagnosis. Felt like a rug being whipped away.

Resignation has long since set in but that doesn't remove the feeling of angst that has to be battled and defeated every day. Still, life goes on and we are doing as well as we can so the tiredness induced by the effort seems worthwhile.
 

Rosebush

Registered User
Apr 2, 2018
1,478
I think this is a great idea for a thread @maryjoan.

My wife also watches the game show - I think she likes that type of show because she doesn't have a plot to contend with. It's sad how sometimes when she walks from one room to another to, excitedly, tell me how much someone has won she's forgotten the amount in the time taken to reach me.

My 'Tipping Point' changes from day to day (or should that be my 'Incredulity Point'. Last night we were walking to the karaoke bar and I noticed my wife was walking along with a finger stuck up her nose. I enquired as to what was wrong and was informed that her nose has changed shape. I reassured her by simply saying "Don't worry, your nose hasn't changed shape". This was countered by her telling me that her nose was falling apart and was completely different - all whilst the finger was still up there! I suggested she just needed to blow her nose - and heard no more about it!:rolleyes:
Sorry for laughing, but you've just made my day. Thank you. Lx
 

B72

Registered User
Jul 21, 2018
132
It must have been a bitter sweet victory. People just do not understand. I know some, including the nearest daughter, think I should 'let go'. They wonder why I monitor what is eaten, after all he 'looks' all right better than some of his age.
He rises to the occasion, they do not see the flash of panic in his eyes, checking I am there, the need to reassurance. The tiredness after a simple event. The anxiety to be on time.
I think, Pete, we are doing too good a job!!!
My daughter is forever ‘explaining’ things about her father to me. It’s very hard to keep my patience. She doesn’t know the half of it, and can’t cope with what she does know. (He always puts on a tremendous front when we see her.)
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,427
And yesterday's Tipping Point for me, was knowing how little family and friends understand. A life long friend of my OH emailed me last night because he had received a Christmas card off OH. The friend commented that it was ' good to see the improvement in M, and that he was obviously now more of a help than an hindrance.'

Really? OH sent out just 6 cards this year after buying a couple of dozen - he is not bothered about the rest, just as he is not bothered about anything any more.

I despair as so many people think that dementia is just being a little forgetful, and it can even be a little amusing - the forgetfulness. They ought to think about the word itself 'de - mentia' - the losing of ones mental faculties, like deforestation describes losing forests.
Yes, but then we would have to use the word madness which people don't like, although of course it is perfectly accurate. All sympathies to you. I have now had three Christmas cards asking me if Keith still knows me ...
love and best, Geraldinexx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,427
My daughter is forever ‘explaining’ things about her father to me. It’s very hard to keep my patience. She doesn’t know the half of it, and can’t cope with what she does know. (He always puts on a tremendous front when we see her.)
Ah, I know as a psychotherapist how much easier it is to analyse than to help, shoulder to shoulder.
Gxx
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,412
South of the Border
We had fun today when OH (PWD) decided to change one of five light bulbs in the overhead large fan contraption in our conservatory. I came into the room too late - he had decided to change it without switching the light off first - flash, bang, wallop !! All lights went off as trip switch went - now the particular light fixture is damaged beyond repair - bit like dementia does - damage beyond repair !!
 

Unhappy15

Registered User
Feb 7, 2015
144
We had fun today when OH (PWD) decided to change one of five light bulbs in the overhead large fan contraption in our conservatory. I came into the room too late - he had decided to change it without switching the light off first - flash, bang, wallop !! All lights went off as trip switch went - now the particular light fixture is damaged beyond repair - bit like dementia does - damage beyond repair !![/QU
 

Unhappy15

Registered User
Feb 7, 2015
144
Hello to you all,
I had a little tipping point of my own today, my husband seldom speaks now but when I went in this morning I found him in the TV lounge and when he saw me I got a beaming smile and a 'hello Mum'. I am 12 years younger than him so that was a little deflating.
A little later I was giving him his yogurt and I said 'what have you got there', he looked at me and said 'I've got you.' Apart from being completely thrown by his comment I did think you bet you have got me, exactly where you want me, visiting daily for over three years, unable to move on.
He most certainly has me.
Moan over.
Have a good evening.
Kathy x
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,825
My daughter is forever ‘explaining’ things about her father to me. It’s very hard to keep my patience. She doesn’t know the half of it, and can’t cope with what she does know. (He always puts on a tremendous front when we see her.)
Yes, I find a similarity, I find our children have unrealistic ideas, one seldom visits so she see a front as you said.
The other nearby sees the reality but then suggests things that I should do to help more, social activities, walking etc. In fact sticking plaster! My age and health are not considered?