1. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,680
    Female
    Scotland
    You’re right. Clean is good. Clean is civilised. I feel good when my husband is washed shaved and smartly dressed.
     
  2. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    1,199
    East of England
    So pleased, it’s wonderful how cheering these small successes are however long they last. He doesn’t shower or change his clothes unless I tell him but I usually have a bit of a tussle. After a week I just said today’s the day and up he went. He couldn’t have selected the clothes though and I supervised and helped him.
     
  3. Mudgee Joy

    Mudgee Joy Registered User

    Dec 26, 2017
    643
    Female
    New South Wales Australia
    Great news - just lovely to hear a positive result - light at the end of one tunnel anyway !!
     
  4. Mudgee Joy

    Mudgee Joy Registered User

    Dec 26, 2017
    643
    Female
    New South Wales Australia
    Great news for you too @Grahamstown - when my husband tries to go to bed without a shower I feel my little temper rising fast - then try persuasion- that what it’s all about ! Well done !
     
  5. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    1,261
    Female
    South of the Border
    And yesterday's Tipping Point for me, was knowing how little family and friends understand. A life long friend of my OH emailed me last night because he had received a Christmas card off OH. The friend commented that it was ' good to see the improvement in M, and that he was obviously now more of a help than an hindrance.'

    Really? OH sent out just 6 cards this year after buying a couple of dozen - he is not bothered about the rest, just as he is not bothered about anything any more.

    I despair as so many people think that dementia is just being a little forgetful, and it can even be a little amusing - the forgetfulness. They ought to think about the word itself 'de - mentia' - the losing of ones mental faculties, like deforestation describes losing forests.
     
  6. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,680
    Female
    Scotland
    We had a surprise visit on Sunday from a much loved cousin. When still a schoolboy he used to visit us and later baby sat for me. My daughters loved him too. Although he has a mother and FIL with signs of dementia he clearly had little understanding of the illness. When I asked John who our visitor was he said “Of course I know him. He’s the man who put the fence up”!

    John is clean and smart and pleasant but believe me there is nothing there behind this. My cousin started most sentences with “Couldn’t you just.,,...”

    Presumably people imagine that this or that cliched piece of advice will change the PWD into a functioning adult. If only. Fortunately my cousin is a good person and means well. I forgive him anything.
     
  7. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    4,775
    N Ireland
    It’s true that people don’t understand dementia if they don’t have experience of it. I didn’t, until my wife developed it.

    I’ve mentioned elsewhere how I keep my wife going to karaoke as I think the singing and social interaction are good therapy. I wish I had a £ for every person who says “she looks fine to me”, even the KJ has said that but then got a surprise on Saturday night when my wife got up to sing a song she has been singing for a couple of years. The KJ put up a different backing track for the song and my wife just stood and stared at it - it wasn’t the usual so she didn’t know what to do!

    It was sad in a way but showed people that she ‘looks’ OK but the mind isn’t working as it should. It felt like a small victory to me as I hoped a few people would now understand why I constantly tell her what to do - it’s not that I’m a control freak!
     
  8. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,151
    It must have been a bitter sweet victory. People just do not understand. I know some, including the nearest daughter, think I should 'let go'. They wonder why I monitor what is eaten, after all he 'looks' all right better than some of his age.
    He rises to the occasion, they do not see the flash of panic in his eyes, checking I am there, the need to reassurance. The tiredness after a simple event. The anxiety to be on time.
    I think, Pete, we are doing too good a job!!!
     
  9. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    4,775
    N Ireland
    Bitter sweet indeed Alice.

    I remember when my wife got a diagnosis of MCI a few years ago and I immediately got googling and discovered that some with that diagnosis can revert to norm when underlying conditions like depression & anxiety are treated. I got busy reassuring my wife with that news but the slide continued and within a year we were at dementia as a diagnosis. Felt like a rug being whipped away.

    Resignation has long since set in but that doesn't remove the feeling of angst that has to be battled and defeated every day. Still, life goes on and we are doing as well as we can so the tiredness induced by the effort seems worthwhile.
     
  10. Rosebush

    Rosebush Registered User

    Apr 2, 2018
    1,446
    Sorry for laughing, but you've just made my day. Thank you. Lx
     
  11. B72

    B72 Registered User

    Jul 21, 2018
    132
    My daughter is forever ‘explaining’ things about her father to me. It’s very hard to keep my patience. She doesn’t know the half of it, and can’t cope with what she does know. (He always puts on a tremendous front when we see her.)
     
  12. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,126
    Yes, but then we would have to use the word madness which people don't like, although of course it is perfectly accurate. All sympathies to you. I have now had three Christmas cards asking me if Keith still knows me ...
    love and best, Geraldinexx
     
  13. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,126
    Ah, I know as a psychotherapist how much easier it is to analyse than to help, shoulder to shoulder.
    Gxx
     
  14. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    4,775
    N Ireland
    You're welcome.

    If we don't get the odd laugh we'd be crying all the time.:)
     
  15. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,126
    I love this thread! Gx
     
  16. Rosebush

    Rosebush Registered User

    Apr 2, 2018
    1,446
    So do I. Lx
     
  17. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    1,261
    Female
    South of the Border
    We had fun today when OH (PWD) decided to change one of five light bulbs in the overhead large fan contraption in our conservatory. I came into the room too late - he had decided to change it without switching the light off first - flash, bang, wallop !! All lights went off as trip switch went - now the particular light fixture is damaged beyond repair - bit like dementia does - damage beyond repair !!
     
  18. Unhappy15

    Unhappy15 Registered User

    Feb 7, 2015
    125
     
  19. Unhappy15

    Unhappy15 Registered User

    Feb 7, 2015
    125
    Hello to you all,
    I had a little tipping point of my own today, my husband seldom speaks now but when I went in this morning I found him in the TV lounge and when he saw me I got a beaming smile and a 'hello Mum'. I am 12 years younger than him so that was a little deflating.
    A little later I was giving him his yogurt and I said 'what have you got there', he looked at me and said 'I've got you.' Apart from being completely thrown by his comment I did think you bet you have got me, exactly where you want me, visiting daily for over three years, unable to move on.
    He most certainly has me.
    Moan over.
    Have a good evening.
    Kathy x
     
  20. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,151
    Yes, I find a similarity, I find our children have unrealistic ideas, one seldom visits so she see a front as you said.
    The other nearby sees the reality but then suggests things that I should do to help more, social activities, walking etc. In fact sticking plaster! My age and health are not considered?
     

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