1. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,136
    It ís difficult for them both as there is a certain amount of denial, especially the younger who does not see us so often. Their Dad is always rising to the occasion, hosting, I was amused as he kept explaining in great detail to the younger one, a grandmother, the importance of not losing local maternity services. She started to look bewildered.
    When we look at our son inlaws they do not do a fraction of what we did at their age and for many years after.
    I do not think even the one who lives nearer really understands.

    I spent an hour sorting out a tablet as he plays one game on it. Yesterday another hour or so helping rescue an item jammed under a chair, more to sort out the TV again.
    This constant explaining, monitoring and aiding saps the energy. The girls just see us home all day without much to do! The other day hanging trousers on a hanger was complicated.

    Families often seem to act this way!
     
  2. Dutchman

    Dutchman Registered User

    May 26, 2017
    189
    Eventually we go to the concert but 2 hours before we need to and my wife is only convinced that we’re early because the vicar told her so. We hang about, go have a tea, hang about and then sit in the Cathedral for over an hour. It’s cold and uncomfortable but at least we have the awesome surroundings to keep us company. Never again. It’s now 2 weeks to go before we head off to our daughters for Christmas and my wife is fretting over how much room there won’t be in the car, can we load now, I say no hundreds of times, she visits all the present bags every day to check (we finished packing beginning of November) . Her clothes bag is packed and wants me to do the same, I say no. Round and round we go. I’ve now picked up a book on depression hoping for an answer but hold little hope. My cat is sitting on my lap while I’m writing this , my sane companion.
     
  3. PalSal

    PalSal Registered User

    Ya'll are saints...I could not live 'unwashed and somewhat slightly dazed.', D. Bowie 1969. My OH has always agreed to washing and needs help now to be sure he does it well. In an earlier stage, I was really unaware that he required my help so sometimes he was not clean enough. But when I realized he needed help, we made that transition. But no resistance. So, so so grateful…..cleanliness, smelling, nice, looking good and groomed is very important for me....to keep going.
     
  4. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,136
    We have not been away for 18 months, our last trip was just a few days 20 miles away. I had to double up on monitoring so not restful. My husband always liked to be packed far too early for my liking.
    I am afraid I really prefer we stay at home. I have stopped holiday brochures, the odd one slips though. I just hope the Christmas TV adverts do not cause havoc! He loved to travel.

    Washing is difficult I wonder about baby wipes? I know I used them I was in hospital, even on my hair.
    It is our routine to shower each morning, twice some event has meant a wash instead. I feel I must not allow the routine to change too often, in case it becomes the new routine.
    I am having to check the clothes to make sure everything is fresh. I pinch clothes, when told that they are still all right, I use the dryer so I can wash, dry and return quickly. I try to keep up to date.
    So far so good.

    He was always good at present wrapping, now they look a bit cobbled. I have resorted to money so each family can choose a treat to share. I do buy other gifts as 'non birthday any day presents' when I see something someone may like or need. Reading this I realise I am smoothing out extreme highs and lows. Gentle undulating days seem best. I but the seasonal Christmas treats but spread them over the weeks after Christmas.
    I find extremes just wear us both out!

    It is all a long cry from what we used to do!

    Dr, Claire Weekes wrote a good book on depression, Self help for your nerves. it was a breakthrough at the time.
    It has been updated, her work has helped many. She is still in print, as they are for layman they are easy to understand. She uses a floating method, it might help Carers.

    I hope overall you enjoyed the concert, music in a Cathedral is special.
     
  5. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,124
    OK guys, just had a tipping point. Was reading the paper having come back from OH home and there was a plop on the front door mat and a letter had come from the council.
    It was OH's next travel card with picture of handsome face on the front. (bus pass basically).
    Lost it, cried, don't usually feel so washed over by grief.
    Gxx
     
  6. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,136
    That's what tips us, the unexpected, we gear up to the rest we have to do then, wow, we are flat on our back xxx
     
  7. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,124
    Yes, thank you, it's the things from the real world like the bus pass ... really bring it home, don't they. Life is going on out there, but beloved Oh is never going to be part of it again. I try all I can to bring the real world to him, if see what mean. thankyou.
    love and best, kindred. xxxxx
     
  8. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,124
    Claire Weekes, now there's a blast from the past and yes, it was a breakthrough and she is excellent, I would endorse her as a mental health professional. Thank you for reminding us of that. sure you can get them still. love and best, Gxx
     
  9. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,136
    Yes, I checked on Amazon. I heard her speak on the radio once, quite insping, just so down to earth.
    Well, yawning so best to bed! Xxx
     
  10. Mudgee Joy

    Mudgee Joy Registered User

    Dec 26, 2017
    641
    Female
    New South Wales Australia
    I think that @AliceA has a point about the hair washing - there is a journalist here - well known- that brags he doesn’t wash his hair at all - and that’s it’s now ‘clean’!
    Don’t know if it needs brushing though -
    Just now had to humour my husband into taking a shower ! Blessings !!
     
  11. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,124
    Anyone any experience of these shampoos that don't need to be rinsed off? warmest, Geraldine
     
  12. Goingitalone

    Goingitalone Registered User

    Feb 11, 2010
    1,685
    Yes, Geraldine. Tried them with my mom, she refused to wash. I tried the one in the cap first, not successful. But the shampoo itself was great. Just gently run it in and towel off.

    I believe people use it when they go to these music festivals in summer.

    Worked for us anyway.....
     
  13. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    1,252
    Female
    South of the Border
    Today's Tipping Point...

    He keeps talking about suicide - says he has no quality of life left

    Thankfully, he does not seem to realise, with dementia, its going to get a whole lot worse.......

    I spoke to the helpline tonight for the first time - and it was calming, but no answers, because there are none....
     
  14. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,623
    Female
    South coast
    My tipping point I have discovered that both OKs ear infections and hemorrhoids have come back.
    Wonderful, more appointments when I thought Id managed to get through most of them (he has recently been seeing doctors for 9 different problems)

    It doesnt take much to push me off my perch these days
     
  15. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,646
    Female
    Scotland
    @canary there is nothing to smile about in more health issues yet I did. I suppose it is the sheer ridiculous impossibility of the whole business which produces borderline hysteria. I take as much interest in my husband's food and fluid intake and bowel movements as if he were a lab rat. At times I feel like a qualified nurse and the receptionist at our local surgery told me I probably am already halfway qualified.lol
     
  16. Goingitalone

    Goingitalone Registered User

    Feb 11, 2010
    1,685
    I know I go on about this a lot, but I noticed on an earlier post you had both been to a village event where he sang. I wonder if some positive, upbeat music might raise his spirits?

    Music is a wonderful gift for altering mood. It’s used behind the scenes in all the films for making us feel in suspense, romantic, sad or happy, so why not try using it in real life?

    I hope he cheers up soon. It can drag you both down otherwise.
     
  17. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    1,252
    Female
    South of the Border
    Thanks for this - he only did the concert under sufferance - because it was light music and he wanted classical or church. They are starting rehearsals for one of the Requiem's for a church performance at Easter, in January - so that might cheer him - more his thing ( I know a Requiem does not sound very cheerful)

    I do try to have music going during the day, but he does sit in front of the TV with the volume on 50, for most of the day - I am beginning to feel rather out of my depth with it all - what a shifting disease it is!!
     
  18. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    1,252
    Female
    South of the Border
    I know exactly what you mean - when I fostered a little boy with cerebral palsy the consultant asked me if I was a nurse - I said I was a genealogist !!! how different can that be!
     
  19. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,124
    Thank you so much, will do. Geraldinexxx
     
  20. Dutchman

    Dutchman Registered User

    May 26, 2017
    189
    Hip, hip, hooray, my wife is clean. Quite what went through her mind this morning who knows but she had a shower and washed hair. It changes my emotional state when she’s clean. I helped of course and was as gentle as I could be with reassuring words. If only every day could be like this
     

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