https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/care-services-equipment-and-care-homes/shared-lives-schemes/Does anyone know about the "Shared Lives" scheme - it has been suggested to me by the Dr but I do not know anything about it....?
Oh, I love a rant. I’m sitting on the sofa with my wife gently sleeping. We’ve been out to our usual M and S cafe for breakfast but indecision spoils everything and I get very irritated with this state of mind. No, I don’t want this or that she says, we drive there and back wasting fuel so she can just sit in front of the tv, what do I do now? I suppose my biggest emotion at the moment is one of regret and disappointment that my life is not my own anymore. We sign up for in sickness and in health but not anticipating the one disease that will drive you up the wall. I wonder if we knew at the time whether anyone would form a partnership because dementia just kills every nice feeling I have towards my wife. Perhaps I’m just selfish and self-centred and others are more naturally patient and loving, able to live more at ease with this day to day torment. Others without any association with dementia can never know what it does to partners and family. It’s probably easier to appreciate living with any other illness, but dementia, oh no! Rant over.Feeling awful about how I reacted today and, to be honest, ashamed. Things have been going so very smoothly lately and even ‘normal’ and could almost forget about her ALZ. Today I went to visit my youngest daughter, a mother of 5 doing a nursing degree who needed support and a sounding board so, as it is something she rarely wants was I was more than willing. OH was happy with that and said why don’t you have a game of golf, meaning the practice field near to my daughter and so off I went and agreeing to be back for lunch which I was. As I opened the door back home I was met by so much anger demanding where I had been and did I know that there was a dirty mark on the hall mat left by my shoes!
Next thing was a tirade of how she has to do everything, which is totally untrue and unfounded, but she was livid. My first words conciltory and automatically non confrontational but with no affect and so I lost it and just yelled and shouted back which became a slanging match followed by silent treatment which nothing can breach or so it seems.
That’s it really, we have sat in silence all afternoon with her, as she does every day, watching the old repeat TV programmes all of which are recorded overnight and during the day.
I lost all understanding and compassion and at the time just ignored the obvious fact that she had forgotten where I had gone and that she can’t help being obsessive about cleanliness. I know she will forget most of this but I most certainly won’t that’s for sure.
Thanks for letting me rant.
It’s interesting what you say as when (or if ) I’m on my own I wouldn’t take on another relationship, not with the possibility of caring in a dementia situation. I could do as much as I could for a friend but it’s the ability to be able to walk away and have some respite at the end of the day. The sad tragedy of dementia is that you’re never sure if it’s down the road. I know you could probably say the same with any illness but dementia sort of trumps the lot. I know many would say that the threat of any serious illness could stop you from committing to another person. All I can say is that any illness that allows the normal function of the brain has got to be better than the vacancy of dementia.@Dutchman ... you mentioned something that has been on my mind. Mum - who I am not close to - has been in a CH for 2 years now. Meanwhile, I have an ongoing long distance relationship of 12 years standing. He lives at the other end of the country. For years I have had some misgivings about the controlling nature of his personality, which is probably why I have resisted moving in, but more recently I realise I have decided that I never will. (Even though the relationship is otherwise good and I want it to continue!)
Unfortunately, the reason I now won't commit is dementia. Having seen what my mother is like and knowing some aspects of my long distance BF's personality.... no. Definitely no. I will not be spending my old age looking after someone with dementia. Makes me very sad to say it but I'd rather be alone.
Hi @Dutchman Dad has both advanced alzhiemers and advanced oesophageal cancer. His cancer has paled into insignificance compared to the dementia.It’s interesting what you say as when (or if ) I’m on my own I wouldn’t take on another relationship, not with the possibility of caring in a dementia situation. I could do as much as I could for a friend but it’s the ability to be able to walk away and have some respite at the end of the day. The sad tragedy of dementia is that you’re never sure if it’s down the road. I know you could probably say the same with any illness but dementia sort of trumps the lot. I know many would say that the threat of any serious illness could stop you from committing to another person. All I can say is that any illness that allows the normal function of the brain has got to be better than the vacancy of dementia.
Does he have Parkinsons or Parkinsonism? The rigidity/freezing can be the problemThis usually consists of him sitting or standing on the spot and refusing to move. Leaving him there until he is ready to move doesn't work.. He would stand there until he fell down. So if anyone has tips for dealing with that scenario then I would love to hear them.
...and I wait for the Tesco delivery once a week, so I can talk to someone else.........And how I understand @lovey11 - the patience needed is sometimes beyond us and we need a breathing space. He has only been up since 11.30, woken by a telephone call from our daughter but already he wants to go back to bed and then I can recover from a mindless morning. I shall go and pick up some dry cleaning which will be very exciting because I can talk to someone sensible even though it’s about my order!