I have just read this article and I am sure many members will empathise with the authors sentiments
jimbo
Doesn't Prunella Scales deserve a little more dignity, asks AMANDA PLATELL: As actress recedes into the twilight world of Alzheimer’s, her husband makes gives chat show appearance about her condition
The actor Timothy West fell in love with Prunella Scales long before the rest of us did — for her role in Fawlty Towers — and they have been married for more than 50 years.
Now, their glorious relationship is reaching a bittersweet denouement as she recedes into the twilight world of Alzheimer’s.
All those who have a spouse, friend or parent with this disease will have been greatly moved when Mr West, 81, spoke of Prunella’s ‘gradual disappearance’ after being diagnosed a decade ago
.
If you live day to day it is manageable,’ he said. ‘It is when you start thinking of the past and you think: “Oh what a shame she can’t do that any more”, or you can’t talk about this any more. Then it is sad.’
Yet I must confess I was surprised that he was happy speaking so candidly about her condition on a TV chat show when Prunella herself was in the audience.
He wanted her to be there, he explained. And when the interviewer Piers Morgan later asked if he thought she would mind, West said: ‘Don’t worry about it. She won’t remember.’
However loving his intentions, that comment cut me to the quick. My mother has Alzheimer’s. I have often seen the confusion and hurt in her eyes when she is dismissed or talked over as though she’s a piece of furniture. She has as much emotional intelligence as ever.
Occasionally, Dad will say: ‘Mum’s got a bit worse,’ but we never speak about her as though she isn’t present in every sense. Yes it’s difficult when she asks the same question time and again or can’t remember how to get dressed
But I have discovered is that while Mum may be ‘disappearing’ in some senses, she inhabits a vivid world of her own.
When I’m home we garden contentedly, she helps me lay the table although she can’t tell the difference between a knife or a spoon, she loves me singing silly songs and adores play-fights with party balloons, as she did when I was a child.
Afterwards, she laughs and says: ‘Mandy, you are a terrible daughter.’
That one word ‘daughter’ is the most precious of all — for it’s proof she still remembers who I am. For now.
There are no books or guidelines to teach you how to cope with someone with advanced Alzheimer’s, as every case is different.
But disappear? Never. I’ve learned that my mum has another world she often occupies — and it’s up to me to take her hand and walk with her in it.
The very least dementia sufferers like her and Prunella deserve is to be treated with dignity
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...n-t-deserve-little-dignity.html#ixzz3u8qA2czI
jimbo
Doesn't Prunella Scales deserve a little more dignity, asks AMANDA PLATELL: As actress recedes into the twilight world of Alzheimer’s, her husband makes gives chat show appearance about her condition
The actor Timothy West fell in love with Prunella Scales long before the rest of us did — for her role in Fawlty Towers — and they have been married for more than 50 years.
Now, their glorious relationship is reaching a bittersweet denouement as she recedes into the twilight world of Alzheimer’s.
All those who have a spouse, friend or parent with this disease will have been greatly moved when Mr West, 81, spoke of Prunella’s ‘gradual disappearance’ after being diagnosed a decade ago
.
If you live day to day it is manageable,’ he said. ‘It is when you start thinking of the past and you think: “Oh what a shame she can’t do that any more”, or you can’t talk about this any more. Then it is sad.’
Yet I must confess I was surprised that he was happy speaking so candidly about her condition on a TV chat show when Prunella herself was in the audience.
He wanted her to be there, he explained. And when the interviewer Piers Morgan later asked if he thought she would mind, West said: ‘Don’t worry about it. She won’t remember.’
However loving his intentions, that comment cut me to the quick. My mother has Alzheimer’s. I have often seen the confusion and hurt in her eyes when she is dismissed or talked over as though she’s a piece of furniture. She has as much emotional intelligence as ever.
Occasionally, Dad will say: ‘Mum’s got a bit worse,’ but we never speak about her as though she isn’t present in every sense. Yes it’s difficult when she asks the same question time and again or can’t remember how to get dressed
But I have discovered is that while Mum may be ‘disappearing’ in some senses, she inhabits a vivid world of her own.
When I’m home we garden contentedly, she helps me lay the table although she can’t tell the difference between a knife or a spoon, she loves me singing silly songs and adores play-fights with party balloons, as she did when I was a child.
Afterwards, she laughs and says: ‘Mandy, you are a terrible daughter.’
That one word ‘daughter’ is the most precious of all — for it’s proof she still remembers who I am. For now.
There are no books or guidelines to teach you how to cope with someone with advanced Alzheimer’s, as every case is different.
But disappear? Never. I’ve learned that my mum has another world she often occupies — and it’s up to me to take her hand and walk with her in it.
The very least dementia sufferers like her and Prunella deserve is to be treated with dignity
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...n-t-deserve-little-dignity.html#ixzz3u8qA2czI