In that strange way that it does the time that my wife has been in her care home has gone by quickly and yet is full of memories of things that seem to have happened a lifetime ago. One year ago I was on the brink of taking the momentous step of taking her for a trial stay in residential care with a view to a permanent placement if things worked out. I had everything ready but she remained blissfully unaware of what would have seemed to her like a betrayal. I knew that it was the right thing to do but that did not stop me from being full of trepidation.
On 13 May 2019 a new chapter in our life as a couple opened as for the first time in 40 years we were living apart as we used to at the start of our relationship. In the 12 months since many things have changed and some have stayed the same. My wife is the same slowly declining person that she has become since dementia took over her life. Her world has shrunk with the progression of her disease. Yet she seems more relaxed and content than for several years. I have adapted to a new routine of frequent visits to see her and getting back some of the pleasures that I used to have before 24 hour caring took over my life. We have a renewed relationship and are happier now than we were a year ago, although my happiness has a sometimes sad and poignant edge.
First and foremost in helping to get to this point is the way the staff at her care home have helped her to settle and developed strong personal bonds with her and with me as well. We have become part of a somewhat eccentric but very caring family. Those friends from my cycling club who know my wife and our situation have given me support when I have needed it and have been good companions throughout. My sister and her husband have been great. Knight our lovely greyhound has adapted to the new circumstances and has given me his faithful and unconditional love and quiet affection. My bikes deserve a mention.
Throughout times that have sometimes been difficult the advice and good judgement of my many friends on Dementia Talking Point has gone far beyond what I could reasonably have expected. Thank you all.
On 13 May 2019 a new chapter in our life as a couple opened as for the first time in 40 years we were living apart as we used to at the start of our relationship. In the 12 months since many things have changed and some have stayed the same. My wife is the same slowly declining person that she has become since dementia took over her life. Her world has shrunk with the progression of her disease. Yet she seems more relaxed and content than for several years. I have adapted to a new routine of frequent visits to see her and getting back some of the pleasures that I used to have before 24 hour caring took over my life. We have a renewed relationship and are happier now than we were a year ago, although my happiness has a sometimes sad and poignant edge.
First and foremost in helping to get to this point is the way the staff at her care home have helped her to settle and developed strong personal bonds with her and with me as well. We have become part of a somewhat eccentric but very caring family. Those friends from my cycling club who know my wife and our situation have given me support when I have needed it and have been good companions throughout. My sister and her husband have been great. Knight our lovely greyhound has adapted to the new circumstances and has given me his faithful and unconditional love and quiet affection. My bikes deserve a mention.
Throughout times that have sometimes been difficult the advice and good judgement of my many friends on Dementia Talking Point has gone far beyond what I could reasonably have expected. Thank you all.
