hi everyone
I rarely start a thread but now seems like we've reached a new fork in the road to acknowledge
dad's been in his care home for 3 and a half years now and at times it's been 'eventful' and challenging - he isn't aggressive or violent but he has been unco-operative and readily employed 'NO!' forcefully - the staff have been brilliant and worked ways round his refusals of meds and personal care - in fact they all know dad well and like him and his own individual querks
up until recently I felt I could get through to him and provide some comfort from the high anxiety he often feels - I wonder now whether he does know me, though he mostly responds to me as though I am familiar and close to him - he moans a lot, I don't mean complains, literally moans, not in pain (we are all sure of that and have checked) but in distress, partly to 'let it out', I think, and partly as a comforter - he can be very loud so it's not pleasant for him or anyone around him, and if something in particular disturbs him he can become highly agitated, though it's rare as the staff are vigilant at getting him somewhere quiet and getting him to take his prn (hardly ever needed but very necessary when it is)
he is not standing (has muscle tone but I don't think his brain can work through the processes any more) and hates the stand aid, won't tolerate the hoist, so personal care is very tricky - although he cannot walk he often ends up on the floor especially at night and the staff are effectively lifting him up, which isn't sustainable - he tends to sit in a chair or on the bed and hutch himself forward and backwards, so he's exercising his arms and legs pretty well but at times must slip over the edge of the chair/bed onto the floor, not falling as such (no injuries and hardly ever any bruises) but not safe
he has now slipped so far into the dementia that sometimes it is very hard to get through to him to reassure him that eg a wash isn't going to hurt him - he may hear what's said but it means little to him, so whatever is done to him is always a surprise, unwelcome and to be vocally 'fought' against - it can't help that he has always been very short sighted, after a TIA a few years ago lost the left side of vision in both eyes and now seems not to focus
he's had every intervention and agency available over the years - meds have been tweaked and changed - everthing has been tried
so the care home staff have had to admit that they aren't really providing the level of care he needs, and honestly they have each and every one tried so hard and hate to have to accept this and in no way is the manager saying he must be moved or giving notice - but the situation isn't fair on dad, the staff, the other residents ....
time to look to move him to a nursing home which specialises in challenging behaviour so there will be more staff and with the expertise to support poor dad
luckily there are such homes locally, dad has the funds to pay any fees and with LPAs in place there's no-one else to have to liaise with, but whether/when there will be a place ...
so, standing at a crossroads sussing out which path to take
just so sad
I rarely start a thread but now seems like we've reached a new fork in the road to acknowledge
dad's been in his care home for 3 and a half years now and at times it's been 'eventful' and challenging - he isn't aggressive or violent but he has been unco-operative and readily employed 'NO!' forcefully - the staff have been brilliant and worked ways round his refusals of meds and personal care - in fact they all know dad well and like him and his own individual querks
up until recently I felt I could get through to him and provide some comfort from the high anxiety he often feels - I wonder now whether he does know me, though he mostly responds to me as though I am familiar and close to him - he moans a lot, I don't mean complains, literally moans, not in pain (we are all sure of that and have checked) but in distress, partly to 'let it out', I think, and partly as a comforter - he can be very loud so it's not pleasant for him or anyone around him, and if something in particular disturbs him he can become highly agitated, though it's rare as the staff are vigilant at getting him somewhere quiet and getting him to take his prn (hardly ever needed but very necessary when it is)
he is not standing (has muscle tone but I don't think his brain can work through the processes any more) and hates the stand aid, won't tolerate the hoist, so personal care is very tricky - although he cannot walk he often ends up on the floor especially at night and the staff are effectively lifting him up, which isn't sustainable - he tends to sit in a chair or on the bed and hutch himself forward and backwards, so he's exercising his arms and legs pretty well but at times must slip over the edge of the chair/bed onto the floor, not falling as such (no injuries and hardly ever any bruises) but not safe
he has now slipped so far into the dementia that sometimes it is very hard to get through to him to reassure him that eg a wash isn't going to hurt him - he may hear what's said but it means little to him, so whatever is done to him is always a surprise, unwelcome and to be vocally 'fought' against - it can't help that he has always been very short sighted, after a TIA a few years ago lost the left side of vision in both eyes and now seems not to focus
he's had every intervention and agency available over the years - meds have been tweaked and changed - everthing has been tried
so the care home staff have had to admit that they aren't really providing the level of care he needs, and honestly they have each and every one tried so hard and hate to have to accept this and in no way is the manager saying he must be moved or giving notice - but the situation isn't fair on dad, the staff, the other residents ....
time to look to move him to a nursing home which specialises in challenging behaviour so there will be more staff and with the expertise to support poor dad
luckily there are such homes locally, dad has the funds to pay any fees and with LPAs in place there's no-one else to have to liaise with, but whether/when there will be a place ...
so, standing at a crossroads sussing out which path to take
just so sad