Time off work pre Death

[CarpeDiem]

Hi

Mum is not swallowing food now and the Care Home have stopped my Dad using a syringe to feed her - he is medically trained and understands how to recognise signs of choking etc - to be honest in one way I am a bit glad because Dad and I have discussed this and said we don't want to prolong this for Mum - just keep her comfortable as possible and let nature take it's course. Breaks my heart though because they have been together over 63 years (teenage sweethearts) and Dad thinks if he can get a little food into her "he gets to keep her longer". I chat to him about it and he agrees but suppose when he visits and see's Mum he just wants to keep her as long as possible.

Anyway - when it gets to the stage of the Doctor signing the Statement of Intent - has anyone taken time off work pre death to spend more time with the person rather than all of the time off after death to sort things out ? if so has this been classed as compassionate leave or have you needed a sick note to cover it ?

Thanks

Carrol

 

[LadyA]

I was only working four hours a week when my husband died, Carrol, so I've no idea. Just wanted to say I will be thinking of you and your dad. This is such a very hard time for you.

 

[Kevinl]

It entirely depends on your employer and their policy. Some are very generous, I know my former employers was but some people are refused or told to use their holidays, you can only ask.
Last thing you need to be worrying about at a time like this.
K

 

[love.dad.but..]

When my dad had hospital stays and at end of life my full time working sister who lives 200 miles away so could not just pop in after work was given paid leave by her company because Dad was classed as a dependent by them however I understand it is up to each company. Hopefully when that time comes the company will be compassionate, ask they can only say no.

 

[DianeW]

When my Uncle was very ill (I was very close to him and his only carer),and we knew he was near the end. My employer were very understanding and allowed me to take flexi leave etc.

When he died I did take 5 days compassionate leave plus 1 day for the funeral, as it so happens I was sick straight after with pleurisy so off a further few weeks longer.

Thinking of you at this difficult time x

 

[booziefluziesuzie]

you could always go on sick leave - I know its not ideal but the stress of watching a loved one slipping away would surely been seen as reason to be off work ill, am sure any sympathetic GP would understand.
Thinking of you and your dadx

 

[Amethyst59]

When my dad was dying, I asked for unpaid leave to support Mum and spend as much time with him as possible. My lovely line manager told me to just do what I could, even if only 30 mins a day, and make up for it afterwards. I should say, I was home based.
After Dad died, I made up the lost hours over the next few weeks. An ordinary working week for me was well over my 35 contracted hours, so I always had time accrued.
I was so grateful, it meant we weren’t without my salary for four weeks.

 

[Prudence9]

I'm sorry for your situation Carrol, it's such a tense, stressful time and very often work can help to distract but the problem is you are also, rightly, distracted from your work.

It does very much depend on your conditions of service, public sector being very much more compassionate usually unless you have a humane employer.

If you need to settle your mind about it try to find a relevant policy via your intranet if you have one, or an understanding manager who will look in to it for you, or even HR.

If need be I second the suggestion to take sick leave, some things are just too important and that's what I did when my Dad was dying, taking just over 3 weeks in all and with GP notes for bereavement. That took me to a week after his funeral.

Sending love to you and your Dad, it's a hard thing to go through.