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Time for a care home or assisted living?

Dawny77

New member
Nov 30, 2020
2
0
Hello. My mum was diagnosed with alzheimer's last winter and is already at the middle stage, possibly later. She has always been very determined to stay in her own home for as long as possible, and has four care visits a day which have been so helpful as she doesn't have any family or friends close by, I am 40 miles away. We have always looked to move mum closer to my sister and I and there are some lovely assisted living flats round the corner which would be ideal. However, mum has gone down hill so quickly I'm not sure how fair it is to move her twice as I assume at some point she will need to go into a care home. You couldn't say mum is a danger to herself, she stays in the small world she feels safe in so hasn't left her flat in over a year so hasn't ever wandered. She is either in her bed or sitting at a table, she won't go into her kitchen so there is no issue of leaving gas on. But she is just living from one care visit to the other and without medication, suffers from panic attacks which stop her getting to the bathroom and end with a call to 999 by the carers. She struggles in washing herself now and has to walk with a frame. I worry that she is alone all night, although she has a panic button she forgets it's there. She is suffering from depression and I think being closer to me and my sister will help but I don't know how she will cope with potentially two moves. If anyone has some thoughts, I'd be very grateful to hear them, thank you.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,311
0
Hi @Dawny77, and welcome to Dementia Talking Point.
From what you've said it sounds like a care home would be the best option, as even in sheltered accommodation there will be times your mum will be on her own. Also some sheltered places won't take people with dementia that sounds as advanced as your mums. Although you won't be carrying out her wishes to keep her in her own home you will be ensuring that she has a much better quality of life.
Of course things are a bit tricky with restrictions on visiting both to look round and for seeing her when she is a resident, but hopefully things will change in the next few months. This site Care Home UK may help you draw up a shortlist.
This is a very supportive community and I'm sure more people will be along with their views and advice very shortly.
 
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jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,993
0
Chester
My mum is in sheltered extra care often referred to as assisted living, where there is a team of carers on site, but you are in your own flat. In mum's case there is an on site restaurant for lunches as well.

Mum has been there nearly 7 years, and when she first went in she had 2 care visits a day for medicine prompts.

She is on the cusp of needing a care home now, although she still gets herself from her bedroom to her living room on her walking frame. Until lockdown she was getting to the restaurant daily. She has 4 short care visits a day, although the time on them can be increased.

Mum did partake in the daily activites when she first moved in but they became too much for her a few years ago, and they aren't aimed at those with dementia.

Where my mum is certainly wouldn't accept my mum as she is now, and probably for the last 2 or 3 years. Your mum sounds at a similar level to my mum and wouldn't get assessed as suitable (My mum is self funding but the complex is run by a housing association with a social worker assessment)

I really don't think anything but a care home is the right place for your mum, when the time comes that a person cannot occupy themselves between care visits then this is the only option. In assisted living she would still be on her own overnight, and would still only get a max of 4 care visits a day. I suggest you start looking into this before a crisis happens.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
7,387
0
Bristol
Welcome to the forum @Dawny77. My partner and I are in extra care housing, like jugglingmum's mother.
It is a good set up, as there are carers on site, but we don't have the on site restaurant facilities. There is a similar facility run by the same housing association about a quarter of a mile away and it has a restaurant as well as better care facilities. Social Services did not want to move her to a care home when things got harder last year, but others have moved to the other facility or to care homes from here as needs dictated.
I don't want to influence such an important decision, and would advise speaking to adult social care about a care needs assessment to see what is available in your area and what your mum needs.
Good luck.
 

Dawny77

New member
Nov 30, 2020
2
0
Thank you for all your comments, I really appreciate your time. I think just by writing out my post helped me to stand back and see it for what it is. We have a highly recommended nursing home just round the corner from us so we're going to take a look.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,313
0
South coast
She might not need a nursing home. There is a difference between care homes and nursing homes. Nursing homes are for people who need nursing care and a qualified nurse on site 24/7 (and are therefore much more expensive), but your mum sounds like she needs a care home staffed with carers and a qualified nurse doing her rounds, but not there all the time. Make sure that anywhere you go will accept her - some places will only accept the early, easy stages of dementia and after a certain point will ask you to move her.