...........till the fat lady sings

Michael E

Registered User
Apr 14, 2005
Ronda Spain
Serves me right! I posted the self satisfied and smug Monique update and was seeing the future.... Then ....

Two days later I got a phone call from the home in St George de Didonne to say Monique was in a very poorly way and would I come in the next day?

She apparently had not been eating and hardly drinking for three days. She looked old, tired and emaciated and was very angry and aggressive.

Nobody knows what has set this off. It does not appear to be a 'step down' which I think we are all used to rather a reaction to something... Her brother did make a visit and despite him being in denial that she is ill and refuses to see the sociologue who runs the patient care I find it hard to believe he would actively do harm. But something has gone terribly wrong.

Monique refuses to eat much unless I turn up and feed her. Even then she only takes a tiny proportion of whats offered and if I insist too much she becomes very angry and threatens to hit me and sometimes does hit me.... OK for me but for the staff its horrible. She tells them to shut up and **** off... she threatens them with violence and that is a big problem in its self.. If she did become violent with the staff I suspect the home would move her out.... to a specialist hospital which is PC talk for an asylum..... OK the asylum would sort her out I suppose but I would never be able to get her back into one of the excellent Alzheimer's homes in France... They don't do violence...
She is happy to see me when I arrive every other day to feed her but that only lasts a few minutes then the full AD recriminations, anger, hatred of the imprisonment she is under, desire to come to live with me again or her mother or.... Real mess I can tell you....

Now I go in every two days and feed her - sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt.

Just shows - the game isn't over etc.... but it is very sad.... thought I had it cracked!

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Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
Michael I'm so sorry.

Have they checked her for (all together now) a UTI? It seems unlikely that anything her brother could have said would have such far reaching and more-than-very-short-term consequences, but I suppose that sometimes AD sufferers can hold onto certain memories (normally the ones we would wish they would let go of).


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Hi Michael

another thought - might she be constipated? That can cause a host of behavioural and other negative things such as unwillingness to eat. Does she drink enough, etc etc.

Sometimes simple things can make a nightmare of our lives.

So sorry this is happening for you and Monique.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
So sorry Michael.

I keep saying I don`t believe in tempting fate, but it so often proves me wrong.

I do hope it is an infection of some sort. Has Monique been checked by a doctor, blood and urine tests, just in case.

I hope so. Please update us if there`s any change.

Love xx

Nutty Nan

Registered User
Nov 2, 2003
So sorry to read your unexpected news: I had (wrongly)assumed that 'no news from you is good news'.
I do hope that the staff get to the bottom of Monique's anxiety very soon, and that she settles down again.
Best wishes!


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Michael, no wise words coming your way from me.

Just all my love n'hugs. Please try to stay strong. Monique needs you as much as ever now.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Just shows - the game isn't over etc.... but it is very sad.... thought I had it cracked!
Dear Michael, I don't think any of us are safe to think we've got it cracked. There's always some new trauma waiting to jump up and hit us!

I'm sorry Monique is so ill. My reaction would be the same as the others, UTI, after seeing the effect they have on John.

I'm sorry, I've nothing else to suggest. But I'll be thinking of you and Monique. Please let us know how it goes.



Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
leigh lancashire
Hi there,i agree with the post about any kind of infection,constipation can cause havoc with anyones mind never mind anA/Z sufferer.an M.S.U. can detect a lot.a blood test for U&e's (detects potassiun and sodium levels in the blood)may also help.all these things can be indicative of infection.
love elainex


Registered User
Jul 10, 2006
south lanarkshire
Hi Elaine

What is M.S.U?

Mum now has a UTI and has deteriorated so much I thought she had had a stroke. she is listing to one side ( could it be a sore back, because of infection?)

Any infection can cause behavioural problems and all pain and discomfort have to be ruled out.

Has a GP or the equivalent in France checked Monique recentely?


Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
Dear Michael,
When we think things are going o.k. for a loved one,something crops up and sets everything upside down.
My thoughts are with you and Monique and hope they are able to sort things out very soon.
Best wishes. Christine


Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
Michael, very sorry to hear about Monique. Hoping that things calm down soon for you both. Regards Deborah

Michael E

Registered User
Apr 14, 2005
Ronda Spain
The homes local doctor visits frequently and also suspects it is an infection - blood tests and xrays are previewed..... She has also acquired hemorrhoids and has a very dodgy situation around her anus - bit of a mess really....

Apart from the physical problems, which will doubtless get sorted, her sudden intense awareness that she is in prison and her constant demands to be released are so sad.... Worse than when she first went in....

Thank you all for the support and kind words - will email you Norman, later - A lot of other problems are around at the moment which demand my attention - love to you all and remember what I forgot - never drop your guard - there is frequently something nasty lurking in the woodshed...