Hi there. I'm new here. My mum has Dementia and is in a care home. I visit as much as I can - I miss my mum before this illness took her over ?. Anyway, i tried to make her new home more familiar with bits from her previous home pics, throws, cushions familier bits. But everything I visit she has packed everything away in bags ?. It's like she is always packed up ready to leave. Is there anyone else that understands this and can maybe explain it to me. Thanks for your precious time x
TIDY TIDY TIDY
- Thread starter Aly66
- Start date
Hi there. It seems that packing like this is normal for people with dementia. My wife just before she went into a home was packing numerous carrier bags full of random things and wanted to leave the house to go live with her parents.
I’ve never got a firm answer to this but it seems it could be a need to go somewhere else and have all she can manage to carry for this new destination. There is no rhyme or reason to the contents of the bags. It a form of anxiety, a constant need to be somewhere else, an inability to settle.
My wife constantly walks around the care home looking for something and rarely settles. Dementia won’t let the mind relax.
In time your mum may stop this behaviour. It’s just being patient with it I’m afraid but dementia will test you. At least you are not with it 24/7.
Best wishes
Thats so right, Peter. The other issue is that people with dementia will do what they can and stuffing things in bags, along with taking off their shoes etc is something they can do so they will.
My husband went into an assessment unit before going into a nursing home and he spent the first four weeks wearing his coat and walking around with clothes tucked under each arm. We visited him every afternoon and he was always peering through the window in the door when we arrived. Then one day there was no face at the window. We went to his room and that was empty . We asked where he was and was told to go and look in the small sitting room. He was there minus his coat and baggage and talking to a carer with tea, cake and biscuits by his side. It happened overnight.
They explained it as he had now become settled with his surroundings, he was feeling comfortable just as he was at home. My husband had not accepted our home or me as being his wife for over two years but knew it was familiar, he was kind of contented to be there but always wanting to go home. Now he was feeling comfortable with his new surroundings. He spent a further five weeks there before moving to the nursing home. He settled immediately in the nursing home, probably because his room was very similar to the one in the assessment unit and the carers wore the same colour uniform.
Hopefully your Mum will settle soon and stop packing up to leave.
They explained it as he had now become settled with his surroundings, he was feeling comfortable just as he was at home. My husband had not accepted our home or me as being his wife for over two years but knew it was familiar, he was kind of contented to be there but always wanting to go home. Now he was feeling comfortable with his new surroundings. He spent a further five weeks there before moving to the nursing home. He settled immediately in the nursing home, probably because his room was very similar to the one in the assessment unit and the carers wore the same colour uniform.
Hopefully your Mum will settle soon and stop packing up to leave.
Am I alone with this? Am I so different that I feel such a lack of motivation and sorry for myself? I’ve said before that we did little before Bridget went into the home and now I do little on my own. I often feel that visiting the home is my main form of activity.
I’m concerned about the direction my life is taking. I’ve been forced to live alone and I hate it. I hate never having another around doing things. It’s so easy just to lie in bed not face the day. I could visit Bridget today ( don’t have to) but I don’t want to slip into someone who more or less visits because of something to do.
It would be a bit of a comfort to know that others find this type of life equally difficult, lonely and share similar feelings as me.
Sorry, I do unload a lot I know but it’s a form of release
Peter
I’m concerned about the direction my life is taking. I’ve been forced to live alone and I hate it. I hate never having another around doing things. It’s so easy just to lie in bed not face the day. I could visit Bridget today ( don’t have to) but I don’t want to slip into someone who more or less visits because of something to do.
It would be a bit of a comfort to know that others find this type of life equally difficult, lonely and share similar feelings as me.
Sorry, I do unload a lot I know but it’s a form of release
Peter
My mum did this for the first 6 weeks after she moved into her care home, but the home she wanted to go back to was not her bungalow of 30 years, but her childhood home. As Dutchman said, they want to leave and go somewhere else because they do not understand why they are confused and think that if they go somewhere else then they will leave all the confusion behind, not realising that they will simply take it with them.
After a couple of months mum settled in her care home and stopped "packing to go home". Im sure your mum will settle too.
Thankyou. That's intere
That's very interesting. Yes all the bags are full of photos, random bits and pieces. Mum went into the care home end of Jan 2020 and in March 2020 we had lockdown - not the best timing. Every visit i have a have a different Mum. Sometimes she thinks I'm her mum. Dementia is a very cruel disease ?. Thankyou for replying x
My mum has been in the home since Jan 2020 and then lockdown happened in March, so all very muddled for her. Dementia is so cruel isn't it? Thanks for replying. Makes you feel not so alone xx
