Three months on

[Kayla]

My Mum died three months ago last Thursday and a lot of things have happened since then. Although I think I've got over her death, every so often I think of something which reminds me of her and it makes me sad.
I'm starting a new job next week, so that is something to look forward to and my daughter is getting married next summer. We have started booking things like the Church, a marquee, caterers and a carriage with two horses, so plans are well under way.
I don't think we ever really get over losing a loved one, but in time our lives change and move on. My Mum and my mother-in-law loved flowers and we are going to plant lots of pink and white cottage garden flowers in the garden, where the marquee will be. In a way, it will seem as if they are with us as we celebrate our daughter's wedding, but it might also be sad that they can't share the happy day.
Kayla

 

[Amy]

Hiya Kayla - so much for you to look forward to, and celebrate - your mum and MIL would be so proud of you and happy.
Funny you mention pink flowers - my mum's favourite colour was pink, and the day she died I got a pink lavateria, and another pink shrub I cant remember the name of, and they stand near the house, a constant reminder of mum, and in some way her presence.
Love Helen

 

[Grannie G]

Flowers have something special don`t they, because they are a constant reminder.

When we lost a very dear neighbour, I planted an Evening Primrose shrub, in our garden, in his memory.
His Evening Primrose was glorious, and gave him a great deal of pleasure.
So now I have a permanent memorial to him, in my own garden, where I can always see it.

Helen, Lavateria is lovely and will be a source of pleasure in your mother`s memory in years to come.

Kayla, good luck in your new job, and keep us posted about the wedding. I hope the pink and white flowers thrive.

Love xx

 

[elaineo2]

Hi Kayla,i hope you have fun(and maybe lots of stress) planning the wedding.Something wonderful to look forward to.It's a big strain planning your own wedding never mind anyone elses.take care and may i say that you are dealing with your loss very well.We don't get over it ,just learn to live with it.good luck and keep us posted about the wedding plans.love elainex

 

[Taffy]

Dear Kayla,
I am sure the flowers will be a beautiful reminder of your mum and mother-in-law, they'll both be smiling down on you all. Your daughter's wedding plans sound beautiful and I hope that everythings goes in your favour. I wish you well in your new job. Take Care. Taffy.

 

[Margarita]

Kayla lovely to read an update on how your getting on with your life , the flower's
idea sound lovely , hope you have a lovely peaceful day on your daughter wedding day next summer and the job work out xx

 

[Kayla]

I'm really enjoying my new job and have just about found my way around all the buildings. The people are all very friendly and the surroundings very pleasant.
We've booked nearly everything we can for the wedding and looking for a wedding dress will be the next step for my daughter.

I want to try and arrange to scatter Mum's ashes in the Church garden, before the end of the year, and also have some kind of memorial plaque for her on a bench.
It doesn't get any easier with time. Last weekend I was thinking about Mum and ended up making two cups of tea for myself!
The box from the Crematorium is right next to my computer and I keep feeling guilty, that I'm putting off making decisions about what to do about it. It might be easier to move on once I've sorted everything out.

Time seems to be flying past and I don't think theere could be anything much worse than not being recognised by your own mother. For me, the bereavement process started quite a long time before my Mum actually died.
Eventually, looking back the bad times will appear to be a relatively short part of Mum's life, but it can be hard to remember all the good things.

Kayla

 

[Skye]

Dear Kayla,

Good to hear from you again. I'm glad you're enjoying your job, and with the wedding to plan as well, you must be very busy.

I'm sure you're still grieving for your mum, it's no time at all yet. Don't worry about the ashes, you'll know when the time is right, and then you'll just do it.

You will remember the good times. Think how long your mum was ill; it takes more than four months to be able to see beyond that. Just carry on as you are doing, you have so much to look forward to, and isn't that what your mum would have wanted?

Love,

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Kayla,

Take your time, enjoy planning the wedding but don`t put yourself under any pressure to stem your grieving. There`s room for both.

Love xx

 

[Margarita]

but don`t put yourself under any pressure to stem your grieving

that so true , My father died from a heart attack and it took me 4 years for the good memories for flow back int my memories , because all that stuck into my mind was the ending of his life seeing him like that , so looking after mum took my mind my grief.

you remind me of the film the wedding planner , must be so much to organize, bet your going to make it an amazing day for your daughter , that if you got fed up with the job you have , your new job could be a weeding planner

some kind of memorial plaque for her on a bench.

Did not know that they allow that ''memorial plaque for her on a bench'' would you also have to buy the bench also

 

[Grannie G]

Every few yards along the cliff tops where we walk are benches. They all have Memorial Plaques containing the names of people who used to walk that path.

Often we see flowers on the benches to commemorate anniversaries.

These people will always be remembered, and strangers like us have somewhere to sit, to admire the view and have a rest.

 

[Margarita]

I 've also seen them along the walk near the river Themes benches , just always wondered if you have had to get permission of your local authority.

My father work in a power station near where I am living first job he ever got work they till they closed it down . so have lots of childhood memories when going they now , as they have turn it in a sainsbury supermarket , they a Plaque on the wall of sainsbury saying that this sainsbury was built on the power station , its right near the cash machine so always see it , then they benches around the corner facing the river .

also when my father retired he got a job in Sainsbury just before it open helping to set up all the inside of that sainsbury

On one of the benches they a Memorial Plaque , just always thought would love to add one for my father , but would not know how to go about it or would the local authority let me .

 

[Skye]

I think you have to go to the LA for planning permission, Maggie, and you also have to buy the bench -- and agree to replace it if it gets damaged or vandalised. Not something to be done lightly, though a lovely idea, particularly in a beauty spot.

Love,

 

[Margarita]

Thanks hazel xx