Goodness. This can be hard. I've had three days now of extreme verbal aggression. Harder and harder to know what the triggers are. My mother has told me she hates me, I'm a nasty b**tch, that she doesn't like me. Sometimes the hostility turns to icy coldness and then goes into full swing again. I just gently tried to warm things up after a few hours away, gently touching her shoulder and telling her I love her and shall we have a fresh start. Straight into telling me I'm abusive and cruel and she'll never forget all the awful things I've said to her over the last few days - I haven't. But I did in the end raise my voice back this evening. Just not handling things so well. After several minutes of shouting and being told I'm abusive and she doesn't like me, I raised my voice and said I love her but this is abusive and unacceptable. She says she's already reported me to the doctor and others for abuse. Not expecting any miracles, but just need to let go by sharing a bit. It's not easy, is it.
three days of extreme anxiety and aggression
- Thread starter WanderingMary
- Start date
No Mary it's not easy, not at all. It's dementia! The brain has been attacked, and all reason with it. You must cling on to this reality to keep yourself sane. Such cruel things are said. Constantly! We are their whipping boards and get whipped at every turn.
How much support do you have?
Keep talking here......... we're all with you ......on the same dreadful journey. x
How much support do you have?
Keep talking here......... we're all with you ......on the same dreadful journey. x
It certainly isn’t and I’m amazed you still want to say you love her. She must have been a good mother. Walk away when she becomes nasty- dont stand around to be the focus of her abuse.
Good wishes.
@WanderingMary
Sounds like you had a really yuk time.
I have now learnt to tell myself over and over, these times are going to happen, my poor tounge is bitten to peices, however the times will pass.
To be honest it keeps me level and stops my meltdown on top of Mums, easily said I know nevertheless this is exhausting enough without putting extra pressure on myself.
I so hope you get a day less troubled, thinking of you. X
Sounds like you had a really yuk time.
I have now learnt to tell myself over and over, these times are going to happen, my poor tounge is bitten to peices, however the times will pass.
To be honest it keeps me level and stops my meltdown on top of Mums, easily said I know nevertheless this is exhausting enough without putting extra pressure on myself.
I so hope you get a day less troubled, thinking of you. X
Aw Wandering Mary I do sympathise. You just have to try and hold on to thought that this really isn't your Mum shoughting this abuse at you but this awful disease.
Do you have any Support?
My Mum is in the latter stages of alzheimers and things are now calmer as Mum sleeps a lot but a couple of years ago Mum would shout at me and was also aggressive. Sometimes I felt so isolated and desperate. Along with the medication Trazadone which calmed Mum down and the the realisation that I needed help at home, initially someone just to chat with Mum and of course TP life became more bearable.
I hope you will also get some support in place if you haven't any. I wish I had got it sooner.
Keep posting it so helps to talk
Sending you a Cyber ((hug))x
Do you have any Support?
My Mum is in the latter stages of alzheimers and things are now calmer as Mum sleeps a lot but a couple of years ago Mum would shout at me and was also aggressive. Sometimes I felt so isolated and desperate. Along with the medication Trazadone which calmed Mum down and the the realisation that I needed help at home, initially someone just to chat with Mum and of course TP life became more bearable.
I hope you will also get some support in place if you haven't any. I wish I had got it sooner.
Keep posting it so helps to talk
Sending you a Cyber ((hug))x
WanderingMary, how do you manage to stay sane? I am not surprised you raised your voice, you would have to be made of stone not to react against such a relentless onslaught.
You don't say whether your mother lives with you or if you visit her daily. I do hope you have some outlet for all the frustration you must feel. Fortunately my Mum is not at all vitriolic but can get to me in other ways and then I find my mind going off into some complete fantasy where I have the upper hand somewhat like Leonard Rossiter in Reginald Perrin all those years ago!
You don't say whether your mother lives with you or if you visit her daily. I do hope you have some outlet for all the frustration you must feel. Fortunately my Mum is not at all vitriolic but can get to me in other ways and then I find my mind going off into some complete fantasy where I have the upper hand somewhat like Leonard Rossiter in Reginald Perrin all those years ago!
I just wanted to mention, although I'm sure you're aware, that if any of this is a sudden change, or not typical behavior, it could be indicative of an infection or other physical/medical issue and might warrant getting checked out.
I'm also in awe that you are able to provide care in the circumstances. I hope you have some super in place for both of you, and best wishes.
I'm also in awe that you are able to provide care in the circumstances. I hope you have some super in place for both of you, and best wishes.
We have been married over 60 years but changes in her normally loving personality are now apparent to those close to her. To friends and visitors she chats normally they accept her loss of words
I experience the anger and verbal aggression and threats of suicide and divorce in addition my wife suffers extreme anxiety so she always finds something to worry her disproportionately and loss of words but can do quite difficult crosswords,I am aware of trigger points eg anything connected to shopping order for food and avoid any direct argument . Some days I can see she is withdrawn with dark thoughts.
The other personality can appear and disappear very quickly
. She has a full time carer without whom life would be insufferable. The verbal attacks are only directed at me and at 91 I have many physical problems myself. What I find hard to accept is that she treats me like a wayward child who she struggles to control in every way. I know she fears dementia but will not seek medical opinion . We are lucky to have a very supportive daughter and nephew. But dare not think of the future.
I experience the anger and verbal aggression and threats of suicide and divorce in addition my wife suffers extreme anxiety so she always finds something to worry her disproportionately and loss of words but can do quite difficult crosswords,I am aware of trigger points eg anything connected to shopping order for food and avoid any direct argument . Some days I can see she is withdrawn with dark thoughts.
The other personality can appear and disappear very quickly
. She has a full time carer without whom life would be insufferable. The verbal attacks are only directed at me and at 91 I have many physical problems myself. What I find hard to accept is that she treats me like a wayward child who she struggles to control in every way. I know she fears dementia but will not seek medical opinion . We are lucky to have a very supportive daughter and nephew. But dare not think of the future.
