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Threats

McPhee

Registered User
It is hard

Hi McPhee:

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, it hurts, it really hurts like crazy to think that your husband of 30+ years could actually hurt you (not intentionally of course). It doesn't help that he apologizes for his behaviour the next morning. The damage has already been done and it's scary.

You did the absolute right thing putting distance between the two of you, sending a letter to the memory clinic and telling his children. It's easy to say it's the illness (which it is) but it only takes a second to get hurt and to often its a long, long road back.

Please, please keep yourself as safe as possible. Is it bad enough that the police should be involved?
It is very hard to think it's come to this but everyone tells me it won't get any better. I am trying to keep safe and up beat. I know it's weird but I still don't think he's bad enough to get social services or the police involved. Plenty of lucid moments and laughs just hope the more violent ones don't accelerate.
 

McPhee

Registered User
McPhee, hard as it is, you need to put your own safety first. Make sure you have a fully charged mobile phone on you at all times, and a set of house/car keys. Not in your bag, in case you can't get to your bag. In a pocket or something. And if your husband becomes very aggressive or violent, call the police emergency no. I know it's really hard and feels wrong, but it's not at all "betraying" him. It's a way of getting him the help he needs. The police have to log a report, which flags you up in the system.
Thank you LadyA, I am doing my best to keep safe. It's awful really awful.
 

McPhee

Registered User
Hi. Just a thought. My wife has this strange idea that she can delete any thing or any one on line. Someone she sees on tv or in the news, if she doesn't like them for any reason, and trust me, the list grows longer day by day, I think I'm even on it now, then they must be deleted. Yet not once has she thought to delete 'Dementia'. If only she could. Al.
Lots of strange things happen now in our house, wish I could delete dementia!!
 

McPhee

Registered User
Anger by the ton but no more threats.......yet!

Just had 2 weeks holidays. No major incidents although one or two nasty shouting episodes.
As I've said before, I get on extremely well with his children but now have got to the point where he says they are his children not mine and I should but out! I am astounded to say the least. I've always got on so well with them and he's always been very pleased about it. What's going on. Damned dementia!!
Still not got the memory clinic appointment but I have been to the doctors and got my 'happy pills' dosage increased a little so hopefully it will keep me calmer and, I did tell him about the violent incidents so the doctor is aware now.
Had one or two issues with him not knowing close family members. He could not remember his sisters second husband even though they have been married for over 30 years but remembered her ex-husband. I have to remind him who the grandchildren are and who they belong to as well. It's is soooo strange.
 

Oh Knickers

Registered User
Nov 19, 2016
500
McPhee,

Think you need to update GP. No point your taking 'happy' pills, this really is not good for you, when your husband is needing help. It also sounds as though this situation is beginning to get very wearing for you.

Contact the organisations below who will be able to guide you. Put in your postcode and the local number will come up . They have a wealth of information about your locality.

Alzheimers Society
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/

Age UK
http://www.ageuk.org.uk/

Admiral Nurses.
https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/admiral-nursing/

Please take care.
 

McPhee

Registered User
McPhee,

Think you need to update GP. No point your taking 'happy' pills, this really is not good for you, when your husband is needing help. It also sounds as though this situation is beginning to get very wearing for you.

Contact the organisations below who will be able to guide you. Put in your postcode and the local number will come up . They have a wealth of information about your locality.

Alzheimers Society
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/

Age UK
http://www.ageuk.org.uk/

Admiral Nurses.
https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/admiral-nursing/

Please take care.
Thank you for the info. I'll definitely look into it. Xx
 

McPhee

Registered User
Not been on for a while. Having a bit of trouble getting round the new set up.
We having problems again. Meds have been changed and he's quite irrational at the moment. Apparently I've had 6 affairs, tho I have no knowledge of them! He calls me awful names and doesn't believe anything I say. I'm hoping once the new tablet kicks in he will be a bit calmer. At the moment he is out with his son for an hour but I feel like a cat on hot bricks waiting for him to come back cos I know he'll kick off again. What to do?? Nothing I can I realise that but I'm coming close to walking out and leaving him to it for a few days.
 

Greys73

New member
Nov 5, 2017
4
My mum is currently going through a similar situation, my dad is very newly diagnosed and still functions to a very high level, driving etc with onlymyself and siblings know about the Alzheimer's, hides it well with others. They got home at 3am last night after a night at a friends house. I now stay at there house when they are out as my father doesn't drink and get more verbally aggressive with the odd push and lots of threats when she has had a few so I woke so her crying at 3:30am went to ask and he had been shouting and swearing at her cause he wanted to leave the party sooner: which he had never said to her whilst there! He threatened to hot her and Went into caveman style saying .. I'll tell you when we leave I'll tell you when to get out the car or walk away from me. She came In crying and went to bed as was scared, he came into the room when we were taking and I lost it telling him how out of line he was and too never threaten my mum again, he doesn't see his wrong and not just says this whole argument is her fault and she is to blame!! He shouts and threatens her weekly she is saying she can't do this anymore but needs to care for him and I'm worried he lifts his hand, does your son know about his accusations x.
 

dancer12

Registered User
Jan 9, 2017
498
Mississauga
Hi:

Nobody should have to live in fear. Not the person with dementia & not us. We do so much to please and nothing is good enough. We try, try & try again and all we get are complaints, shouting & arguments. We have enough stress of dealing with the ups & downs of everyday
situations without having to live in constant fear. Just make sure you are safe and that as many people as possible know of his aggressiveness, most of all his/her doctor.

Here's hoping for better days ahead.
 

HillyBilly

Registered User
Dec 21, 2015
1,947
Ireland
My mum is currently going through a similar situation, my dad is very newly diagnosed and still functions to a very high level, driving etc with onlymyself and siblings know about the Alzheimer's, hides it well with others. They got home at 3am last night after a night at a friends house. I now stay at there house when they are out as my father doesn't drink and get more verbally aggressive with the odd push and lots of threats when she has had a few so I woke so her crying at 3:30am went to ask and he had been shouting and swearing at her cause he wanted to leave the party sooner: which he had never said to her whilst there! He threatened to hot her and Went into caveman style saying .. I'll tell you when we leave I'll tell you when to get out the car or walk away from me. She came In crying and went to bed as was scared, he came into the room when we were taking and I lost it telling him how out of line he was and too never threaten my mum again, he doesn't see his wrong and not just says this whole argument is her fault and she is to blame!! He shouts and threatens her weekly she is saying she can't do this anymore but needs to care for him and I'm worried he lifts his hand, does your son know about his accusations x.
Dementia or no dementia physically threatening behaviour is unacceptable. Your Mum should not have to live in fear. Please advise SS and their GPs about what is happening. Also make sure that your mum has a safe place to retreat to with a charged phone, and preferably with a means of exit from the house. Tell her that she should call the emergency services if she is threatened and that it is OK to do so.
 

Kalexie

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
19
Hi everyone.

I'm so sorry you are all going through this absolute living nightmare.

My husband was diagnosed just over a year ago with Alzheimer's but he has had it far longer than that. He is just the same, agitation and aggression (not physical yet but I fear he could be getting to that point before long) comes out of absolutely nowhere, accusations of "ripping him off", being a "nasty, horrible b**ch", everything apart from the Kennedy assassination. Last night was particularly bad, he was getting really wound up, pacing about and saying that he was going to make damn sure I got my comeuppance for whatever he believes I'm supposed to have done.

I have given up trying to reason with him during these episodes and have decided that it's best to just ignore him and let him get on with it until he calms down a bit. What do others do to cope with this aspect of this vile illness whilst it is happening?

Thank you
Tracey xx
 

dancer12

Registered User
Jan 9, 2017
498
Mississauga
Hi everyone.

I'm so sorry you are all going through this absolute living nightmare.

My husband was diagnosed just over a year ago with Alzheimer's but he has had it far longer than that. He is just the same, agitation and aggression (not physical yet but I fear he could be getting to that point before long) comes out of absolutely nowhere, accusations of "ripping him off", being a "nasty, horrible b**ch", everything apart from the Kennedy assassination. Last night was particularly bad, he was getting really wound up, pacing about and saying that he was going to make damn sure I got my comeuppance for whatever he believes I'm supposed to have done.

I have given up trying to reason with him during these episodes and have decided that it's best to just ignore him and let him get on with it until he calms down a bit. What do others do to cope with this aspect of this vile illness whilst it is happening?

Thank you
Tracey xx
Hi Kalexie:

Put as much distance between the two of you as possible preferably a locked door. Also carry a phone on your person at all times.
 

Sammie234

Registered User
Oct 7, 2016
212
Shropshire
Hi everyone.

I'm so sorry you are all going through this absolute living nightmare.

My husband was diagnosed just over a year ago with Alzheimer's but he has had it far longer than that. He is just the same, agitation and aggression (not physical yet but I fear he could be getting to that point before long) comes out of absolutely nowhere, accusations of "ripping him off", being a "nasty, horrible b**ch", everything apart from the Kennedy assassination. Last night was particularly bad, he was getting really wound up, pacing about and saying that he was going to make damn sure I got my comeuppance for whatever he believes I'm supposed to have done.

I have given up trying to reason with him during these episodes and have decided that it's best to just ignore him and let him get on with it until he calms down a bit. What do others do to cope with this aspect of this vile illness whilst it is happening?

Thank you
Tracey xx

I am so sorry to hear of this behaviour my husband was diagnosed 2014 but he hasn’t exhibited this behaviour he gets a bit naggy but nothing like that. I would leave the room if I was you and keep a mobile in you. You can’t reason with Alzheimer’s take care of yourself first and foremost x