• We're currently experiencing technical issues with our newsletter software, so our Dementia Talking Point monthly updates have been put on hold for now. We hope to restart the newsletter soon.

    Find out more >here<.

Thoughts?...

worriedson1

Registered User
Jan 30, 2012
1,837
If you been following over the year/months what i been saying.....

I spoke to a relative today and i said how my mum was doing better, putting on weight, drinking more etc and i also included how stuff was affecting me, talking about my mum and i and there always seems to be from most, not all of the family this subtle "It's not YOU we are interested in, it's your mum" undercurrent feeling....

I know my mum is THE most important thing but you know what i mean right??.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,570
Kent
Hello worriedson

I don`t think your relatives understand how much you have been affected by caring for your mum and seeing the progression of her dementia.

I wouldn`t blame them. It`s really only people with first hand experience who understand fully how devastating this illness is.
 

loveahug

Registered User
Nov 28, 2012
1,071
Moved to Leicester
oh WS, you have spent a huge amount of your time and emotional energy caring for your mum, and I'm sure she was the main focal point of your conversations with people for such a long time you have given them the impression that you don't matter. You're a different person now, but they aren't. Ignore the ones who seem to not be interested in you, perhaps they do care but they can see that you're doing really well and are getting your life back on track. It's lovely to hear that you found exactly the right place for your mum and that she is so settled and well. That's no reason to stay away from us though because we care about YOU too.

Big hugs x
 

Witzend

Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
4,291
SW London
You ARE important too! Of course you are, just as much as your mum.

But as Grannie G said, nobody ever understands unless they've been at the sharp end.
 

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,051
GLASGOW
Being a carer has changed my view of the world. When i see a wheelchair now with an older person i glance at the person in it but give a warm hello to the warrior pushing it. We are in a secret club now and its one you can never leave. We care so much for you. Keep posing and we will be there. You are a warrior. Keep fighting.
 

Pete R

Registered User
Jul 26, 2014
2,038
Staffs
If you been following over the year/months what i been saying.....

I spoke to a relative today and i said how my mum was doing better, putting on weight, drinking more etc and i also included how stuff was affecting me, talking about my mum and i and there always seems to be from most, not all of the family this subtle "It's not YOU we are interested in, it's your mum" undercurrent feeling....

I know my mum is THE most important thing but you know what i mean right??.
I have exactly the same experience with close (to my Mom anyway) family members including my sister and uncle. They have very selective memories of how little they helped over the last 12 years and how it has left me.

Stay strong for your Mum.:)
 

Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
4,617
USA
Of course we know what you mean. I imagine this scenario, or something similar, has happened to all of us at some time or another. While I expect it from certain people, it's especially difficult coming from a family member, whom we'd reasonably expect to have some interest in us.

On the other hand, there are lots of people here, who are very interested to know how you are doing.

So how are you doing?
 

Long-Suffering

Registered User
Jul 6, 2015
425
Yes, we know exactly what you mean. That's why we are all on here I guess. I am on here to talk to people in the same situation and to stop myself from going any more bonkers than I already am.

Just tell us how you feel. Let it out. This is the place to do it.

LS
 

henfenywfach

Registered User
May 23, 2013
332
rct
If you been following over the year/months what i been saying.....

I spoke to a relative today and i said how my mum was doing better, putting on weight, drinking more etc and i also included how stuff was affecting me, talking about my mum and i and there always seems to be from most, not all of the family this subtle "It's not YOU we are interested in, it's your mum" undercurrent feeling....

I know my mum is THE most important thing but you know what i mean right??.
Hi!
I am my dads carer and your absolutely right some if our family hear what im saying but very rarely listen!!!..to the point that if i text or email with general chit chat.and a line about an issue that arose and needs family discussion ..i get a reply to one bit not the other....

They know and we know that the chances of us walking away are slim as we are totally commited .
This helps other people somewhat ..and theyre probably right!...but just a little bit of hes our dad too or listen would help my stress levels....

Now to save myself from burn out..i tell them how they can help.... politely for example ...you can take him to the shop.
I lnow this sounds harsh but its important i look after myself. Im not a convenience or a service im a human being.

Best wishes

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Talking Point mobile app
 

worriedson1

Registered User
Jan 30, 2012
1,837
Of course we know what you mean. I imagine this scenario, or something similar, has happened to all of us at some time or another. While I expect it from certain people, it's especially difficult coming from a family member, whom we'd reasonably expect to have some interest in us.

On the other hand, there are lots of people here, who are very interested to know how you are doing.

So how are you doing?
I'm doing not bad thanks, recently came off a horrific 7 day insomnia cycle and a 2 day dose of the cold.