Thoughts, please, as this year ends

[maryjoan]

I got back from a lovely Christmas in Scotland visiting family - baby grandson was a delight.

OH went to his son's

He got home shortly before I did.

I arranged carers to cover in the interim.

I got back 11.00pm and he was as drunk as a lord, and in a state - could not put one word in front of another. I was really disappointed in him.

Anyway, his son rang me and said that he now realised how difficult it was looking after his Dad, and he wanted to phone social services to get more help for me.

Anyone who has read my posts in the past will know I have been at the end of my tether for an age.

We live in a semi bungalow, in a lovely village which we both like very much. And it is safe for himself. The lady who lived in the other half of the semi went into a nursing home about 3 months ago, and will not be coming home.

I had a Christmas card from her only relative, a niece who lives 100's miles away. I have been keeping an eye on the bungalow for her, She said that she wants to consider renting it out.

Today, OH's son, has spoken to social services, and they want to send someone out to assess the situation, as they realise I feel as though I need to put some space between OH and me - not finish with him, but not to be his 24/7 carer as it is too much for me.

Does the idea of moving into the bungalow next door seem like a good one?

There is nothing else available to rent within 10 miles of here, as we are pretty remote.

HAVE A WONDERFUL 2020, AS MUCH AS YOU CAN. YOU HAVE ALL BEEN A TERRIFIC HELP TO ME (AND EACH OTHER) DURING 2019.

THANKS EVERYONE !!

 

[Duggies-girl]

Sounds like a plan to me. I would love to move next door @maryjoan

 

[charlie10]

From my inexperienced perspective it sounds like a great idea @maryjoan......you get your space with some peace and quiet, and you can still be involved with next door and not feel you have abandoned him.....sounds like a win win to me! Just make sure his carers have boundaries when it comes to calling on you for help

I hope your year is easier....indeed I hope that for everyone on TP....you all deserve some joy and peace of mind for a change.Thank you everyone who has been so kind answering my questions....I expect there will be many more in 2020

 

[theunknown]

Depending on the practicalities, which perhaps Social Services could advise on/help with, it sounds like a great idea for you. It sounds like you need a degree of separation one way or another and this seems like such a good solution. If things didn't work out, it's only a rental. My mum lived in a small semi-detached and when she went into a care home I met her neighbours for the first time. They were a lovely couple and when I needed to sell the house they ended up buying it for the wife's elderly dad to live in, but I think it was rented out to start off with. It made a process I was dreading (the practicalities of selling and the emotional attachment of it being my mum's last home, that she'd lived in for years and years) so very simple. If only those in our situations could all have that option available. I really hope it works out for you if you want to go down that route.

 

[Splashing About]

Happy new year to you. It sounds like a good idea to give you space but still say close enough. My only observations would be practical around the financial implications. Do you jointly own the other home? Will social services take it away to cover care costs if they think you don’t live in it?

 

[Louise7]

I think from previous posts the current home is also rented but if the financial side of paying two lots of rent, utility bills & council tax is doable it's worth considering.

 

[maryjoan]

I have agreed to take a 6 months lease initially to see how the idea pans out, in all aspects.

I have to give this a shot as I just know I will have a breakdown if I continue living like I am at the moment. A review in 6 months time, for me, for OH and the landlord would be essential to be fair to all concerned.

It is 2 weeks before landlord returns to this country, so a bit of breathing space. I feel I have to do this, I really do, and I don't mind undertaking more work to make it happen more comfortably.
thanks for your words of encouragement, I am lucky to have you all.

 

[Just me]

If I were to move, I’d move somewhere that I couldn’t pop in to be honest.

I live with my mum and spend a lot of time in my own living room or bedroom and never have any quiet me times.

Personally if I were living next door I would be forever popping to check this that or the other was ok, but that’s perhaps just me.

You’ve had a lot of positive replies @maryjoan and I don’t want to bring the negatives.

You’ve opted for a 6 month lease so you can see how it goes.

Best wishes and I hope it works x

 

[Dimpsy]

It sounds like the ideal solution, but how do you think your OH will manage the situation. Knowing you are just next door, will he be on your doorstep every five minutes or will he be able to engage in his own activities?
If you don't try this experiment, you'll never know and one way or the other will give you space to think clearly about the future. Happy New Year and all the best to you.

 

[Lawson58]

I have agreed to take a 6 months lease initially to see how the idea pans out, in all aspects.

I have to give this a shot as I just know I will have a breakdown if I continue living like I am at the moment. A review in 6 months time, for me, for OH and the landlord would be essential to be fair to all concerned.

It is 2 weeks before landlord returns to this country, so a bit of breathing space. I feel I have to do this, I really do, and I don't mind undertaking more work to make it happen more comfortably.
thanks for your words of encouragement, I am lucky to have you all.

I think taking the six months lease is a great idea. It is not a long term commitment if it doesn't work out for you but more importantly, it will give you a little breathing space to reassess where you are at. And who knows, a lot can happen in six months.

 

[jugglingmum]

I know you have been trying to find a way forward for a while and I do hope this is it.

 

[PalSal]

I sent you a message.

 

[Agzy]

I have agreed to take a 6 months lease initially to see how the idea pans out, in all aspects.

I have to give this a shot as I just know I will have a breakdown if I continue living like I am at the moment. A review in 6 months time, for me, for OH and the landlord would be essential to be fair to all concerned.

It is 2 weeks before landlord returns to this country, so a bit of breathing space. I feel I have to do this, I really do, and I don't mind undertaking more work to make it happen more comfortably.
thanks for your words of encouragement, I am lucky to have you all.

Excellent news @maryjoan and hope it all works out and what we would give for a bungalow but council lists bare and no chance otherwise. To me you have the best of both world with OH in adapted and well known place while you have freedom and close proximity and, should you wish I am sure suitable urgent call system can be fitted door to door, good luck xx