Thoughts on assisted living

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
653
0
anyone with experience of putting their loved one into assisted living with dementia
Local asisted living takes pwd but also various other people over 55
Theres visiting carers and meals etc provided
My situation is difficult because dads got no carers leaves alone with cat and im full time carer, struggling particularly when he keeps going out and getting lost
Assisted living said no to pets
Also cannot lock people in
any experience please would be grateful
 

Lady M

Registered User
Sep 15, 2018
298
0
Essex
Hi deepetshopboy,
I live in assisted living complex with OH who has mild mixed dementia but lots of other health issues and loss of mobilty.
Please , for your sake and your Dads get clarification on just what their interpretation of ‘assisted living’ is!
It is a very grey area and all providers have different terms and conditions,
Having lived here for almost seven years I know just how difficult it can be for the PD and their family.
Most assisted living schemes are not really suitable for persons with dementia , is they one you talk of specific for any sort of ‘care’?is it dementia friendly.....? ’or is it just personal care, prompt of supervision of meds, etc. And of course pull cord or pendant alarms.
The charges are generally very high , and ever increasing.
Undoubtedly people cannot be locked in....they are not secure units.......if Dad is prone to wondering I would doubt the ‘assisted living ‘ would be really what is suitable and would suggest that if anything it may cause you ( and possibly your Dad) more upset as others living there may not be tolerant of PD! This is turn may exelerate
Problems.
I don’t wish to sound completely negative, assisted living has proved its worth for me and OH but that was before Dementia was a consideration.
Wish you all the best in finding a suitable solution.
Regards.

I
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
653
0
Hi
No not just dementia but theres lots of pwd there just not as bad ie pretty mild this ones classes as senior living with personal care ie carers coming with a package of at least 14 hours per week the manager showed us around and seemed quite blazie on dementia issues said most people get used to the layout ie lifts and what floor there on but i can imagine my dad getting consistently lost and wondering the corridor at night which would be a nightmere .The cooker he wouldnt be able to use nor the light switches which dont look like light switches nor the intercom it’s complicated its located on a very busy rd and if he got out and got disoriented he could get lost or run down very easily
not sure how staff and carers react to full on family members taking a active role and this assisted living place seemed to be about money , money for lunch , service charge etc .
 

Lady M

Registered User
Sep 15, 2018
298
0
Essex
Hi
No not just dementia but theres lots of pwd there just not as bad ie pretty mild this ones classes as senior living with personal care ie carers coming with a package of at least 14 hours per week the manager showed us around and seemed quite blazie on dementia issues said most people get used to the layout ie lifts and what floor there on but i can imagine my dad getting consistently lost and wondering the corridor at night which would be a nightmere .The cooker he wouldnt be able to use nor the light switches which dont look like light switches nor the intercom it’s complicated its located on a very busy rd and if he got out and got disoriented he could get lost or run down very easily
not sure how staff and carers react to full on family members taking a active role and this assisted living place seemed to be about money , money for lunch , service charge etc .
Hello again, deepetshopboy,
Well, in fact I think you may have already had thoughts about this ‘assisted living’ complex!
I can only suggest go back to basics. Seek professional assistance.!
Has Dad been diagnosed, involve all and any , I would respectfully suggest starting with Social Services, they have a duty of care for your Dad.
Involve if possible GP and others.
I am certain there are fact sheet here on TP that can give you the answers to questions.
And members are very experienced and will share advice etc on all aspects including measures to ensure Dads safety .
Contact SS in the first instance.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Hi
No not just dementia but theres lots of pwd there just not as bad ie pretty mild this ones classes as senior living with personal care ie carers coming with a package of at least 14 hours per week the manager showed us around and seemed quite blazie on dementia issues said most people get used to the layout ie lifts and what floor there on but i can imagine my dad getting consistently lost and wondering the corridor at night which would be a nightmere .The cooker he wouldnt be able to use nor the light switches which dont look like light switches nor the intercom it’s complicated its located on a very busy rd and if he got out and got disoriented he could get lost or run down very easily
not sure how staff and carers react to full on family members taking a active role and this assisted living place seemed to be about money , money for lunch , service charge etc .
It sounds like you have reservations and TBH, so have I.
If your dad is already wandering then this is not going to stop and. like you, I would worry about the location.
My mum was a wanderer and the only way she could be kept safe was in a secure care home where she couldnt get out.
 

nae sporran

Registered User
Oct 29, 2014
9,213
0
Bristol
My partner and I live in extra care housing, deepetshopboy. She has vascular dementia and mobility problems among other conditions. You only need 7 hours care to qualify, so I assume the place you were looking at for your dad offers a bit more. The wandering is a problem, and one prvious neighbour had to be moved to a care home as she was wandering out into the street, while another moved to a complex nearby which had 24 hour care and was on a quieter road, as he wandered. The manager here is not so hot on dementia care either, but the care team are pretty knowledgeable, and that is the main thing. They seem quite happy to allow family to come in and out and help, so that shouldn't be a problem for you.
So many things to think about, hope any of that helps. Have you seen the AgeUK factsheet on https://www.ageuk.org.uk/informatio...tions/assisted-living-and-extra-care-housing/ ?
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
7,085
0
Chester
My mum is in sheltered extra care and the care team are very good with her, but I think this type of accomodation is only suitable for some PWD.

It was made clear to me when my mum moved in (5 years ago) that if she became a wanderer or was aggressive then she would have to move.

When she moved in and again after a period in hospital they were very good at helping her 'learn' the layout of the place so she could make her own way to lunch, which involved using a lift and events in the lounge. It took time but she did learn (when she first moved in it took her 2 weeks to know where her kitchen was, she'd say when I arrived, I've got a kitchen but I don't know where it is, when she was in the bedroom and couldn't see it). They colour code the carpet on each floor to help people remember which floor they are on.

I think your dad might well find his way round the place, as the care staff were very 'she'll be alright' when I asked.

You say he goes out and gets lost - this might not happen if he had more going on.

I am aware that in some areas councils will try sheltered extra care as an alternative to care at home and care homes.

My mum is self funding, but it has certainly delayed her move to a care home.
 

Bod

Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
1,958
0
You really need to be looking for specialist Dementia Care Homes.
They know how to deal with all that comes with dementia, this will save a move later on as things get more difficult.

Bod
 

Fattywatty

Registered User
Jun 13, 2016
56
0
Hi there, don’t want to scare you buts this is my experience.

I moved my mum into extra care, most people on here warned me against it, I didn’t really listen, I felt I had to try. She was so unhappy at home following the death of my dad, surrounded by all her memories and kept saying the house was a family home and she didn’t want to be there, I hoped the move would settle her in some way. She only lasted 4 months. I decided to use some of her savings to renovate her house so that we could rent it out to pay the rent on the flat and to later help with any further care fees, she spent most of the time making her way home while the builders were there, I was constantly getting calls to go pick her up, she was phoning me constantly asking to go home and was very upset all the time.

She had alarms fitted to the doors which would go off if she opened the doors between certain times, the carers would turn them off in the morning and back on a night. She hated this and felt trapped but we had to have some kind of alert if she left the flat as she wasn’t safe to go out alone, even though she always managed to find her way home to her house!!

I practically lived with her the time she was there, as the care provided was not sufficient to keep her safe. She never got used to the building and couldn’t really join in with any activities without being accompanied, to be honest they didn’t have much going on anyway, just the odd coffee morning or game of bingo. She used to wander the corridors at night trying to find her way out, banging on people’s doors, I would get a call from care line and have to stay with her for the rest of the night.

The whole thing definitely made her dementia worse and it turns out she was too advanced to cope with the move. I deeply regretted it at the time but I had to do something, her house was dangerous through many years of neglect and she was still using a coal fire chopping wood on the kitchen floor and constantly losing things amongst the clutter. I decided to take her home once the renovations were finished, again a massive gamble, but she settled back in really well and she lasted around another 18 months there before going into full time care. The whole experience was definitely a bad one for us.

It’s not for everyone and every place is different but all we can do is try our best to support our loved ones. This is all trial and error no one size fits all. I find it helpful to read other people’s experiences and reassuring to know we all make mistakes but ultimately only you can decide what you feel is best at that time. Maybe you could try paid carers at home first to help lessen your load. I do wish you well and hope you can find the best solution for you and your dad x