this website


Registered User
Oct 21, 2004
Hello all of you! I am a new member and this is my first entry in your forum...

I would like to say, first of all, that I was really moved by some of the wonderful poems - I really loved Mummy's wee heart and when I wear purple (?) and some other ones

My Mother is 90 (!) and I love her to bits, she lives at home (Scotland) in her own house and I usually go to see her in the summer for two months and then at Christmas for 2 weeks - I don't want her to forget me!! She always seems to get a bit better after i've been there for a while, but this summer I found her to be a little more "absent" than usual as she has had sleeping problems in spite of medication to try & sort that out, so due to lack of sleep she dozes during most of the day and then towards the evening comes to a bit...... she's very special as she was an artist and loved drawing and painting children in old fashioned clothes and sea scapes and sketching kids in old reekie Edinburgh........ she also loved poetry and music but she doesn't remember all this........

I am quite worried as they're trying a new and final resort to sort out her sleeping habits (I mean making her sleep at least 5 hours thru the night) she is still at home but sometimes she says she's having "dark thoughts" or is ready to "scream" so once at table when she said the latter , I said ok ma , let's scream together, 1, 2 and we let rip , she laughed!

The worry now is that as she has 24 hr. care at home, she may not be able to continue like that forever (financially) but her name is down for 2 lovely residences with garden and so on.... but she's maybe too old for that and due to the occasional violent(frustration!!) outbursts, she may not be eligible for them and will have to end up in a state-run (dreary) place, I don't know - just wish she was able to smell a flower again, she does love animals though and comes alive when sees her brother's retriever!

Have almost booked my flight for xmas but just wish these pills would set in and give her a happier one, (she has vascular dementia, so she recognises all of her loved ones individually)
lol to all of u and the grand job you are doing, and well done to all the caring carers out there! Mailife


Registered User
Aug 10, 2004
Dear mailife49,Awarm welcome to talking point,i would have thought the homes you have mentioned would have been used to people not sleeping and thier outbursts after all that is what they are there for to care for those that can not care for themselves. In another post someone from Scotland was saying about the help and care they recieve which seems to be far in front of what we get in England so you are lucky inthat instance.Your mother sounds a darling and i do hope things work out and im sure you are going to have loads of replies to help you gather information.We are all here to help and support each other.storm


Registered User
May 20, 2004
Hello and Welcome

I was very worried that at some point my Aunt might be moved from her current "Residential" home and had a long conversation with the Matron yesterday voicing our worries amongst other things.

I was very re-assured to hear that under very few circumstances would there be a need to move. They can provide most nursing care there and only if a resident became very violent would they find it impossible to manage them. I guess by moving her there sooner rather than later they get a chance to settle her and get to know her and - dare I say it out loud - I think it unlikely she would become very aggresive now (early on she did threaten to be) but who knows whats to come. Remember they are used to dealing with the problems that we have had thrust upon us and find so difficult as we grasp at trying to understand whats happening.

Yes they will have to use drugs for sedation but I feel it is kinder for her to be sleepy than to be so frustrated and upset and in such terrible turmoil as can be the case. As she dozed yesterday during our visit she seemed to be trying to sing along to one of her favourite CD's - it was lovely to see her relaxed and almost smiling in her "sleep".

From your posting it easy to feel the love you have oozing through in your words, just be there for her in whatever way you can, take it all one day at a time and rely heavily on gut instinct for what to do and when. Whatever path we take we can always look back and think "maybe if" but it doesn't serve any purpose.

Do what needs doing for your Mums best interests, I always put myself in my Aunts place and think "is this what I would want if I had a choice" - the "if I had a choice" bit is the difficult one. But most nights I know can sleep knowing all the choices have been made because I care.

You can't do any more than that.



Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Mailife,

Welcome to TP. Living so far away from your mother must be very worrying for you until she is able to move into her new home.

Re the sleeping problem - you could try some herbal sleeping tablets initially to see if they help. My mother takes Zopiclone, which I don't actually recommend as they are really addictive and have nasty withdrawal symptoms. Unfortunately these were prescribed whilst I was overseas and it's too late to change now. Perhaps your mother's GP will be able to recommend something?

It's so sad when our loved ones lose all their former skills. My mother was a wonderful gardener and knew every single name of virtually every flower on the planet. This information is now securely locked inside her head, although she still enjoys the colours.

Best wishes,

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