My husband has ALZ and has been Sundowning for 4 months - he forgets who I am/doesn’t recognise me, thinks I am Housekeeper/Carer, on bad days an unwelcome interloper. I find it really difficult to go along with his delusions (where do you live? Who pays you? Do you like this part of (Town)?.). It really hurts that he doesn’t know me, and I’m struggling to find a sense of humour to lighten things.
In any case our marriage no longer feels like one. I do virtually everything, or clear up after he’s tried to help, including finances, planning, shopping meal prep, tho I have help with cleaning and garden. He sleeps late (sleeping tablet effect?) and then has zero drive to get anything done. Conversation is stilted or non-existent, we don’t like the same tv progs, he is very hard to motivate to go out, even just for a walk, and increasingly I cant be bothered to coax/cajole.
This week, after I had (foolishly I realise) made going out arrangements for my birthday, to which he appeared to be committed and looking forward to, he just dropped out, and wouldn’t even come with me to a substitute event (I think he thought I was someone else). I know this is the disease, but I was very upset, and even more upset that he didn’t recognise this - I realised in the end that he had forgotten he loved me, so could not relate to this disappointed person.
How do other people mange to cope with their marriage that isn’t a marriage? - our relationship is more that of a parent/child, lodger/landlady. There could be years of this ahead, while I struggle to find a reason to carry on caring - why does anyone do this? We had a good 40 years together, but I’m not sure that balances things out - especially as I get older and tireder.
Sorry about the pity-party, its been a bad week, but I would really like to hear views and ideas for handling the times when he doesn’t know me/thinks I’m someone else. Thanks so much, and thank goodness for TP - I would be going to Carers Groups, but of course they aren’t running